It was Saturday Morning and the wedding had just started, we were on the
altar with the priest, my best man was my best friend Uche, we were buddies
at work, and Funke stood behind Felicity, we are listened as the priest
gave his sermon and then turned to us to begin the final proceedings.
"David Onyedikachi, do you take this young lady to be your lawful wedded
wife, to love and to hold...
And then I ran out of the altar, amidst gasps and murmurings and shocked
voices...I heard Felicity shouting my name and looked back to see the
priest holding her hands firmly and my best man running behind me.
I ran out and kept running, the hardest thing I did was leaving my wife on
the altar with another man even though he was the priest, I was still
jealous of the way he held her hand comforting her, he was young and
unmarried but I just couldn't help it, I had to leave.
"Guy stop, wait now, wetin you dey do..no be the plan be this o." I heard
Uche saying.
Finally I got to the rest room and then I dashed inside.
Guy na shit," I whispered while releasing different sounds and bomb in the
toilet.
"Wait o, you mean say na shit be this, as in everything wey happen inside
na shit!" Uche asked perplexed.. He even had to open the door wide and was
staring at me wide eyed, mouth and nose closed.
"Na shit." I whispered..still unable to shout
"So na shit" he repeated again
"Na shit" I replied nodding.
After what seemed like 5 minutes has passed he responded.
"Guy you be the most useless MOFO for this planet, I swear. I been don dey
happy low key sef so I go make move on Felicity." I almost threw the tissue
at him, then we laughed and laughed and kept laughing while my father,
brother and even my mother rushed inside the toilet and dragged us out by
the ears.
Back to the altar.
After everyone and everywhere was calm and quiet, except for Funke who kept
laughing but acting like it was cough she was coughing... I said I do and
when it was Felicity's turn, she looked at me, shook her head then said "I
do too, even though I might regret this later..."
Everyone in the church laughed out loud and clapped while jeering for us,
and then we were married.
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