I woke up the next day feeling so weak to the bone such that l could barely get up from my bed, l checked the time, it was already 9Am and my call log had more than 10 missed calls from Kelvin which got me so upset because I knew he called to check on his Girl. I didn't bother returning his call, so I got up to get dressed for work even though I was not supposed to go to work that day because my short leave had not ended.
When I got to the hospital, l saw his car packed somewhere, then l knew he was there. I went straight to the Girl's room hoping to see a vacant bed, but unfortunately for me, she was still there on life support although the nurse there said she was gradually coming around as she had moved her hands severally. My so called Kelvin was seated beside her praying for her, he didn't even notice when I came in, so I tapped his shoulder, he looked at me, shook his head and bent it without saying a word to me. I asked him why he was acting that way, he asked me why I didn't pick his calls. Exactly the moment l yearned for. I said to him "how did you expect me to pick your calls when l had overdose of sedative drug last night all because of you and the vegetables over there (I pointed at the girl), well, I look forward to hearing your explanation, even though I know you are done cooking and garnishing your story, ready to serve it hot". He said "Baby, not even a happy Birthday wish or did you forget it's birthday today, not even some words of encouragement, you couldn't even hear me out before murdering me, you blatantly concluded I cheated on you when through out the 3 years we have dated, I have never for ones touched any other woman, you know I am as busy as you are, this is the time I need my fiancee most, but instead you cause my heart to bleed, you left me alone, thank goodness my sisters are here. If any body had told me you would distrust me this way, I would not believe. Well, l will tell you who she is so that peace can reign and so that you can concentrate and treat her well like every other patient you take care of.
This Girls is not who you think she is but the..." a nurse just walked in to call my attention to another casualty, so l left immediately to assist as saving lives is my utmost priority. He stood there watching me till I walked through the door.
Before I closed from work that day, l examined her and found out she was beginning to breath gradually although she hadn't started talking. After examining her, l handed her file over to another Doctor and left for my house to continue enjoying my short leave as l had 4 days left. When l got home, I could not relax, I was so restless because a lot was going through my head and my mind. I needed a distraction, l needed to calm down and pull myself together, I was almost loosing it and I felt worse off when I took myself down the Memory lane to when l was in the street, the face of my Dad's Lover whom I killed years ago came flashing on my face, I recalled what happened the previous day, the way blood splashed from the girl's head when l hit it against the wall, how she quivered when l held her throat. I started regretting but on a second thought, l braved up and said to myself "Amanda, you did what you felt was right, after all people die and l too shall die one day. If she dies, when she reincarnates, she won't go after another woman's man again".
I know you will be wondering why I am so into Kelvin, why I attempted murder for his sake. Well, you won't understand how much I love him. Remember I told you I grew up in the street where we indulged in so many atrocities, where love does not exist. At 14, l was sexually abused by my Brother's friends who were drug addicts. That very day, I was home alone when they came in to
check on my Brother but met his absence, I told them to stay and play with me while they wait for my Brother. Honestly, l had nothing in mind but little did l know they had plans for me. Then, I looked more mature than my age, l had round and well curved hip, sizeable breasts, captivating hour glassed shape. Many guys in the street wanted to have me, but my Brother was too protective of me. As we were seeing movie, they started smoking cigarettes and drinking spirits. They gave me a glass which l drank and giggled; after that one, l asked for more and more and more till I got tipsy and before l could know what was happening, l had been dragged to the floor while they took turns to rape me, l cried out, but no body could hear my voice till l passed out.
Next day, l woke up on the hospital bed to tell what happened which led to their arrest by the cop. After that incident, my life changed as l started drinking spirit so that when l want to hit you or deal with you, I would do that real hard without pausing to think, l began to hate on people especially men. I swore not to have anything to do with them and l swore not to fall in love with anybody and when my Dad broke my heart by cheating on my mum, l swore again to kill any woman who tries to come in between my man and l should incase I fall in love.
Kelvin came into my life like an Angel without wings who was not ready to fly away from me any time soon. In him, l knew what love was, l realised how it feels to be in the right arms as l got to find out too that good, gentle and warm men still exist , how it feels to love and be loved genuinely, how it feels to have a friend who is always there for you to carry a part of your burden with you. Most times when l have issues at work, he was always the first I call to talk to which he calms the storm with his suiting voice. Kelvin changed my perception about life, he killed that animal in me because even as a medical student then, I still had a black heart and ever ready to attack anybody who stepped on my toes. I thought love making was a brutal act, but he changed my mindset, he does not have sex with me but makes love to me; He was all I had in Nigeria. He became a part of me that I could not withstand the shock when I found that pretty Girl in my would be kitchen, in my man's shirt and a bum short which awoken the already dead animal in me.
When l could not feel relaxed at home, I left for a bar to relax and enjoy the night view, but on getting there, the trauma I had earlier at home came back because he was not with me but busy trying to save an obstacle in our relationship. I was tempted to call him but pride and anger would not let me. To forget him, I ordered for shots of Vodka which helped me relax a bit. About 30 minutes later, he called my phone , without wasting any second, l rushed to pick my phone, then he asked me where l was, I told him I hung out and he screamed "you left her there? May l know who you are with and what you are doing there? He said in fact that he was coming to see me and I gladly accepted. In the next 30 mins, he was already there dressed in a nice outfit.
He looked at me and shouted "Ah! baby you are so Pearl! What is it, Okay is it about the girl? I
never knew you would take it this far or even suspect I would cheat on you, oh! is that why you are here trying to harm yourself with vodka? Baby, do you remember that woman who comes to clean my house? the one I recently employed not the old one you know. Well, the Girl lying on that hospital bed is her first daughter, she took permission from me that day before sending her to my house to assist her so that she could go to the hospital for check up as she has not been feeling too well for some time now. The first time I saw her Daughter was the day I forgot to pay her so l had to go over to her house to give her the money. Baby I was even surprised when I got home last night and met her on the floor as l could not even recognise her till l remembered her Mum said she would assist her that day. She is a year one student of a state polythecnic and l know how her parents have really suffered to see them through school, l really do pray she survives if not, l might go in for it. So now I have told you , can you stop getting angry and at least celebrate my birthday now?" I swear down, after listening to his cock and bull story, l felt really stupid and used because l didn't believe the story. He didn't tell me outrightly who the girl was because he wanted to buy time first to think and fabricate the lies. He worsened the situation with his stories thinking I would fall for it hook line and sinker. I looked at him and said "Kelvin why not come out plain, why not tell me point blank that you got tempted by the girl and something led to another or why not tell me your cleaner is trying to match make you both or she has match made you people already, why lie to my face after all these years, l trusted and so much believed in you, when you promised not to cheat on me, I crested those words somewhere in my chest but seeing that lady in...l mean knowing she was attacked in your house is quite disheartening because l can't believe all what you just told me. By the way, what gave her the effrontery, the temerity to wear your T. Shirt? you never mentioned that in your story". He said oh! that? I recently dashed some of my cloths to her Son the day he came to wash my car, you know the T. Shirt is unisex, guess that's why she took it" . I said "there you go again, another fabricated lies, well, l really do not want to get annoyed this evening before l do more things l might regret, just go home and let me be here alone ,as for your girl, just pray she survives because hmmm " He asked "baby how do you mean? please don't get me scared now, i thought she is getting better or is there something wrong or something you are not tell me? that reminds me, why was your key hung on my entrance door last night? I thought you go home with a spare which was what I saw".
The moment he asked that, l immediately got choked by the Vodka in my mouth, I began to cough uncontrollably. He asked me if l was the one who perpetrated that evil. I requested for some water which helped clear my throat. I got so furious and scared at same time because any mistake from me, l might get caught so I had to force tears to my eyes before I replied his question, l had to play smart, so l said to him " it's not enough that you cheated on me and lied to my face, now you are accusing a very reputable and high profiled Medical Doctor of attempted murder, what do you take me for? because you are a lying Barrister because l know you lie virtually everyday in court you feel you can say anything to me and heaven would not let loose? You have touched me where it hurts most. So you forgot I told you l forgot my key on the kitchen cabinet the last time I visited? This is the height of insolence and I am not going to do this with you, l will be on my way home now, thanks for ruining my night". He started begging me to stay, he said he never meant it that way. He reassured me that he was not lying to me. He even knelt down to plead with me, he said so many things but in as much as l would miss him, l just had to go to avoid further questions which might push me to say things l should not say. I left him, went to my car and drove home, luckily for me, the road was already clear because I was so high on the shots of spirit I took on empty stomach.
After 2 days of being silent, he later called to apologise but l refused to accept his apologies till l confirm he didn't lie to me. Deep inside of me, I was feeling empty and lonely because l missed him so much, but I was really battling with so much, a lot was going on in my head and that made me to leave town for 2 days to cool off somewhere at Cross river state. At some point I regreted my actions but each time l thought I might have been used I feel more angry and wish she dies.
I resumed work again after I returned from Cross river state. My first day at work was such a Terrible day. On arrival, the first place I went to was the Girls room, but I didn't see her there so l thought she had been discharged. When I went to the waiting room, I met people crying ,a woman rolling herself on the floor shouting then l went to her, lifted her up and took her to my office; I calmed her down first in order to hear from her. I asked what was wrong, she said she lost her Daughter, my heart skipped a bit when she said that, then l asked her what happened, she said she was not feeling fine, so she went to the hospital for check up while she called her employer Mr Kelvin to permit her Daughter to clean his house on her behalf only for him to call her in the evening that she had been attacked by an unknown person. She said "my Daughter was almost getting better, then all of a sudden, she went into coma after which she died, Kelvin has killed my Daughter and he will never know peace until he confesses , he will rot in jail, my God will fight this battle for my innocent Daughter" . I shouted on her to stop and leave my office, I told her she will be fine but she should not conclude just yet that Mr Kelvin killed her Child.
When she left my office, I almost fainted because everything I looked at seemed double, I didn't know what to do as l began to shed tears, the more l tried to put myself together, the more my tears rolled down my cheek. I should have saved her life, l should have believed Kelvin. She was getting better, but because l knew that if she regained her contiousness, she would have told them what happened because on that day I was strangling her, l kept shouting "leave my man alone, leave him for me" so I had to inject potassium Chloride into her drip to gradually stop her heart till she dies before l handed her file over to another Doctor. I am such an evil person and l regret being who I am. I could not stand the poor woman's cries and of course l could not remain in that environment so that nobody would notice I was crying, so l left for my house immediately. Kelvin kept calling, but l could not pick his call, l failed him and to think that l had pushed him in to a very big mess broke me more. I should not have attacked that poor girl without pausing to think or even asking her some questions, l acted as the animal directed me. As l write this, Kelvin is in prison awaiting trial because her family accused him of murder and l could not open up to tell him l killed the girl because l knew that as an intelligent Barrister he is, he would surely get himself out.
When I visited him, l apologised for what I did to him, for not believing him and assured him that he would be free soon. More so, l told him I love him so much.
My life is in a shambles and l do not deserve to live anymore. I came to Nigeria to help save my people's lives, instead l took away an innocent soul because l could not bury my past and live a normal life like other women, l curse my childhood, l curse the day l set my foot into my country and l curse that day I went to Kelvin's house. I am so sorry my people, l am so sorry dear dead Girl, we Shall meet soon because l will be joining you over there so that l could tell you how sorry l am. As l write this confession statement, just know that l have a lethal injection by my side containing the potassium chloride that slowly killed her and should incase you don't get to see me again, know that it's either I have gone back to USA or l have taken my own life.
Dear Kelvin, if you ever get to read this, don't wish I am still close to you because I am a monster who do not deserve you. I am so so sorry, do find it in your heart to forgive me. I love you and tell my family and your cleaner same.
*
The end
•
Lesson: 1.Do not be too quick to judge
2. We all have an animal in us, but the ability to control it makes us human
3. Our Children's up bringing matters a lot, do watch them closely to ensure they are
doing the right thing.
4. Control your temper to avoid doing things you would regret later.
5.. Finally, do not let your past define your tomorrow.
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