MONDAY
28/3/2016
8:24 PM
I grab my phone I just don't know what to do or type...
Should I say my final goodbye? OR Should I do otherwise?...
The pain never subsides but right now am very happy(surprised?)...The pain I feel right now is about(I'll tell you before the end)..
The happiness is because I have people to live for..You All(coolvalers)..+HER...
Actually I was gisting with my aunt(my mother's younger sis) today,you know to take my mind off things ..non of them knew what am going through or what am thinking or what I want to do(am good at disguise)...Acting like nothing is wrong...
We were discussing about something when she told me about something that almost bring tears out of me eyes that moment.
I was actually a victim to be aborted due to circumstance at which I was conceived..My mother was very afraid I'll live an uncomfortable life,a life full of pains,a life full of suffering (which am.feeling some now) ...BUT that person told her not to,she begged her to gimme a chance,she vow for me that even if my mum can't take care of me she will but wasn't able to,I wasn't able to meet her,though I was born before she died I wasn't able to recognise her....
I just can't bring myself to end it all after hearing that coupled with the fact that there's a beautiful family here willing to help lift off my pain...
I wanna live for this reasons..
I'm in pain right not but the pain is mostly because I couldn't meet her,tell her what I feel,to tell her I owe my life to her,to tell her my worries,what hurts me most is the cause of her death..a sperm like me but I can only do that by staying alive to dissolve all the pain .....
Today is-was kinda strange to me,its the day I planned to end it all turnout to be the day I have something to live for ....People just showing how much they care about me...
Trust me when I say I can read your mind,I know what you wanna hear from me,what you want me to do but I dont know if you really care for me....
Am using this medium to apologise for my suicidal thoughts and thanks for everything .....for being there for me,I hope I can be that someone you want me to be ...
Coolvalers you're the best...
Real Charliebryn
peace...