Welcome to today's edition of
HEART & SOUL . Today we are going to read some simply tips on how to deal with Unwanted pregnancy...
Sit back, relax and read slowly ;)
So you've missed a period, and had been
wondering about it, when this nauseating
feeling also starts troubling you. Then, the
urine test comes out positive. Here you are
left with a big '?', feeling angry at yourself,
your lover, confused, feel like crying, feel like
rushing to the abortion clinic or just feeling
like killing yourself.
Before you go in for any hasty decisions, try
to follow some 6 bit of advice from Swami
Gurupremananda, who herself had had a few
unplanned pregnancies, and at the age of 17
had her first daughter whom she adopted out.
She is now a renowned yoga master, and a
birthing mother who specializes in woman's
health. This is what she has to say about an
unplanned pregnancy in her book "Mother As
first Guru" .
Step 1: DON'T PANIC
It is not a life-threatening emergency. You
have plenty of time to consider things. Just
for the moment, don't think about -what am I
going to do, will I have it or not, what does he
want, will I tell him anyway. You may be in
shock right now, and that's no time to use
your rational mind. You may be feeling that
things are out of your control, just as they
were when it happened. But you have to
realize it that at that time didn't have control
over your fertility, your contraceptive method,
your partner's sexual urges, and now if you
don't panic you can regain control.
Step 2: DON'T GIVE YOURSELF A HARD TIME
An unplanned pregnancy leads to the emotion
of guilt, shame, fear and ignorance. Feelings
like "I hate myself", "I am in deep trouble now,
look what someone else has done to me"
arise. Pregnancy occurred because of all the
forces resident in the pelvic area, but
resolving this issue can be done only using
your head , when you may be feeling cheated
by the circumstances.
It is easy to say that drop your guilt, your
hurt, your anger, but that is what is required
at this point of time, for you to think
rationally. The feeling won't go way
immediately, but you have to let go of the
guilt , stop dwelling on it, loosen up the
mindset, and be open to change. If you are
open to change move on.
Step 3: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT IS
When you have stopped feeling guilty about
your so-called "wrong doing", you must
acknowledge the responsibility for what exists
now. You should not be a victim any longer,
but be the master of the situation. What
frequently drives a lot of people straight away
to consider abortion is that urge to get rid of
potential responsibility, and guilt. Stop
dwelling over the past, think about right now.
Take a deep abdominal breath of self-
assurance, look upwards, and take a big
confident step.
Step 4: ACCEPT YOURSELF AND FIND THE
LOVE
It is important that you forgive yourself. It is
not easy, but comes from a self-realised
understanding that no real harm can ever
come to our spiritual selves- even from sexual
ignorance.
We are responsible to do something about
something we now know about, and we are
responsible for trying to increase our
understandings of things we don't know
about, we are not responsible for things,
which we did not know about at that time.
This is the key to go beyond guilt and awaken
self-acceptance. More than forgiving yourself
for getting pregnant, what you are actually
doing is forgiving yourself for all your
ignorance. This is a healthy start to becoming
more wise.
Next it is important to find love in yourself
and your partner. Just think for a moment,
about that fateful day and how you felt about
it? Whether your act was one of love or just
'for sex' or beautiful or dishonest. Finding love
at that point of time of lovemaking has led
many a women to change their decision from
aborting it to keeping it.
Step 5: DECIDE TO LEARN SOMETHING FROM
IT
Now is the time that you learn something
from the whole event. Once you decide to
learn something from a potential disaster
means that you have accepted yourself, and
plan to resolve the situation diligently. It is
the time when you have realized the truth,
and it is time for you to have a serious
discussion with yourself.
Step 6: MEDITATE DEEP AND LONG BEFORE
YOU DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
The purpose of
meditation is to find out the answers and
resolve conflicts.
I recommend that one
must go over these 6 steps time and over
again till there are no feelings of guilt , or
shame . Also some other factors to assist in
the process are:
RESOLVE IT ALONE
It is important that you decide for your self
first what you wish to do with this pregnancy
without the consultation of the father (it is
not that the father is not equally responsible),
or some wise advisor. This should be done
because here we are to resolve an existing
pregnancy and not the cause. It is the woman
who must take the responsibility (initially)
alone. It is she who will be carrying the baby.
A man has first hand experience of the baby
only once it is born. He may have the right
since it is his sperm, but it is only possible if
the woman agrees to take on the pregnancy.
If he as well as you didn't want the pregnancy
then the matter should end there. If you want
the baby and he doesn't , then either ethically
or morally he has no further responsibility or
else you can hound him for paternal
obligations.
Or else if you both decide to go on with the
pregnancy - both of you should decide
individually and independently. This is
possible if you decide before asking him. This
is very different from a compromise answer
when a man may get influenced by you and
later have regrets. The father may even then
walk out on you later, when he realizes what
he really wants, leaving you in a more difficult
situation. Individual, unassisted answers
enables one to reveal their deepest paternal
and maternal compatibilities . This is
important, as later when the child comes he
should not feel unwanted by either parent.
Any child can detect unwanted-ness from even
3 months of conception, and this can have its
own implications in the future life of that
child.
To handle an unplanned pregnancy, as we see
yoga (meditation) can be of great help as it
will enable you become a stronger person,
who has overcome all the negative feelings,
and taken a firm and rational decision about
herself, her partner, and most important the
child.
That's all for today. In case you have anything to contribute please drop it below, you might be saving someone with it. Thanks :)
