I was inundated by personal messages from people who found the post very insightful and helpful - Thanks to all of you. However, there are some people who wanted to know from the side of a lady above 30 how Nigerian brothers can better understand their ladies above 30 in relationships.
These are my personal opinions (but I was there too):
1. Don't Take Advantage Of Them: Ladies mature faster and ready to be wives and mothers at 19yrs, on the other hand economic hardship in Nigeria has moved the eligibility of most bachelors to above 30, as they struggle with unemployment and financial stability. Religious houses (specially churches) cash in on this to draw members teasing ladies that husbands are scarce. In fact, some make it look like being a single lady is a problem, a curse, and an epidemic. Unfortunately, most ladies buy this argument & become desperate, competing for the few 'scarce husbands' rather than pursue other goals. The truth is that it's better to marry at 38yrs to a responsible man and have a peaceful, mature family than rushing in at 23 with an immature boy, living in hell and abuse afterwards. Not all ladies above 30 are desperate to marry just any man. They simply want to settle down with a responsible man. Respect that & prove yourself!
2. Respect Her Time & Schedule Too: You can no longer date a responsible woman above 30 like your under-20 college sweetheart expecting her to come over to your house every weekend to cook, clean your house, and wash your clothes. At above 30+ most ladies are already working, busy and stressed out too. Some are at management positions, doing well financially too. You have to treat them with respect as partners not as your 'little girl'. You cannot shout on them or boss them around because you are a man or demand they be by your side 16hrs a day. You can't be disrespecting them in the public, pinching and slapping their behind on the streets. They are no longer teenagers!
3. It's Not About S=ex: At above 30, bones are becoming stiff. The body is no longer as flexible as that of the teenagers and under 20s, energy is wearing out too. You cannot expect to make love to her 5 times a day turning her in 7 different positions just to fulfill your fantasy at the expense of her health as you did your little girlfriend in school. Give her a break! Appreciate and understand that she may say 'No' sometimes and resist being used to experiment your new styles. It doesn't mean she's stubborn. She's mindful of her health and well-being.
4. They know What They Want: At above 30, most ladies might have been in previous relationships.They might have tasted other men and have basis for comparison. Therefore, they know when you are good or or bad in what you do. Don't take it as a criticism when they make inputs to help make the relationship better even when they try to compare you to their Exs. I know it's annoying but please understand, and pay attention to her suggestions not the man she used in comparison. We like men who listen to us. wink, Arrogant man is a turnoff!
5. She May Not Be A Feminist: People who say a lot have a lot to say. Sometimes it's from wealth of life experiences, though we may misinterpret them as nagging or being talkative. We learn a lot from women who teach and talk too. Except for people who argue blindly on issues they know nothing about, a lady above 30 is often educated, has life experiences, and knowledge she would like to share too. She's not argumentative, or being opinionated when she airs her views in a discussion. You may disagree with her passions but please don't shut her up, try to lord it over her or call her a 'Feminist' (if she's not) simply because she airs her views and feel passionate about them. She sees herself as a partner and you treat her like a housegirl. It hurts when you do that! As a man control the argument and close it off when it begins to drag & derail!
6. Don't Criticize Her With Her Past Mistakes: She definitely has a past, sometime not too rosy. Don't keep bringing it up, or keep using it to bring her down. Yes! Perhaps she failed in some things/relationships, perhaps married before, perhaps has a baby, perhaps had abortion as a teenager or in college, perhaps slept with a boss or pastor, etc AND SO WHAT! Mary Magdalene did yet Jesus kept her as best friend! She shared them with you to have a closure & feel close to you and not for you to bring them up and use them to judge her when you quarrel. Please never ever call a woman 'Ashawo' (prostitute). This is what you men say that hurt women most. She did what she did out of love or desperation. It's a past! Now it's all about you, give her a chance to love you.
7. Don't Waste Her Time: Finally age is not on her side; body clock is ticking, body parts have started sagging, maternal instincts have kicked in. She wants to settle down and may be impatient when you want to date her for another 3 years without taking a decision. If you don't want her for keeps please don't waste her time either. Please 6 months is enough time to decide if you want her as your wife or not.
Remember if you marry a good woman above 30 you got a Jewel! You marry a woman with maturity to handle marital challenges and mostly likely a woman most likely to bring something to the table to help both of you build a life of your dreams together.
May This Year Be A Your Year of Proposal, Marriages, Childbirths and Career Breakthroughs!!![hupso]
