8. Echo Each Other
When you and your man are
having a serious relationship
talk, it's easy to get so caught
up in how you want to respond that you're not really
listening to what's being said. That's why it's important
for both of you to repeat each other: so you know you've
been heard and you feel understood.
—Yvonne Thomas
9. Grow Your Tolerance
Neither of you is perfect, and
the quirks you both have are
here to stay. So rather than
let those annoying traits work your last nerve, try to
get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws,
even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of
getting annoyed when he starts screaming at the TV,
for example, remind yourself how much you love his
passion. Or if his shyness with new people bugs you,
think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill,
genuine guy rather than a blowhard who needs to chat
with everyone in the room.
—Denver psychologist Jennifer Oikle, PhD, dating coach for Coupling Connection
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10. Take a Time-Out
It's important that you
get a break from the
daily grind and spend
alone time as a couple — cell phones and the Internet
are off-limits. It can be a fun day trip or just a few
quiet hours to yourselves. The point is simply to steal
away (even if you're going nowhere) so you can reconnect,
free of any distractions.
—Diana Kirschner
11. Have His Back
You might not agree with
your guy when he's had a
riff with a friend or he
thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always
be on his side...and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both
feel like you can't count on each other. That doesn't
mean you have to take the "you're so right" route all
the time. Just hear him out, and let him know that
you'll support him no matter what.
12. Spend a Little Money on Each Other
You don't have to
wait for a
special occasion to give small presents to show your
love. In fact, gifts are more fun-and meaningful —
when they're not expected. Try to get into the
habit of exchanging sweet tokens of appreciation for
no particular reason. Don't go and blow your paycheck
though. It's not about being extravagant; it's
just a way of showing that you really get — and think
about — each other. Maybe you buy him a tee of his
favorite band that you saw on sale or he gets you a
pair of pajamas in your favorite color.
—Barton Goldsmith
13. Be a Good Date
Face it, no one can stay
fascinating forever.
After being together
for a while, the initial excitement fades, and your guy
can start to get kind of boring sometimes. Hey, don't
think you're off the hook — if you're feeling a little
ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To
combat the blahs, take turns coming up with an interesting
date idea every month. Keep the time and
details to yourself, and try to think outside the box —
dinner and a movie is not exactly innovative. An awesome
concert or a snowboarding lesson, for example,
is a much less predictable treat.
—Jennifer Oikle
The Romance-Friendly Home
Cohabiting has its
perks, like frequent
opportunities for sex
and someone to read
the Sunday paper with.
But harmonizing
decorating tastes and
maintaining a sense
of mystery can be
a challenge. Michael
Payne, interior designer
and host of HGTV's
Designing for the
Sexes, offers tips for
sharing a happy home.
Compromise
on color. Men veer
toward taupe and beige,
while women tend to like
stronger hues, such as
red or deep gold. To create
a compatible home,
especially in the bedroom,
where you're most
intimate, try colors both
sexes agree on, such
as chocolate brown or
silver blue.
Banish TV from
the bedroom.
Television is a major
intimacy killer. Watch
your favorite shows and
DVDs in another room,
and use the boudoir
for three things: sleep,
snuggling, and sex.
Install dimmers.
Low lighting may seem
like a cheesy cliché,
but it really can set a
mood, making your
living room feel cozy
and giving your bedroom
a sexy vibe.
Create your
own space. Even
though you're sharing
a pad, you each need a
separate area to serve
as a quiet escape. It
might be just a chair
and table in a corner, a
desk, or if you're lucky,
a spare room.
Surprising Screwups
Avoid these often-overlooked issues.
You ignore money matters. Even
if it's awkward, you need to discuss
who should pay for what and how
much both of you can afford.
You're too friendly with his pals.
They're his friends, and he wants to
preserve that separate part of his
life that doesn't include you. So don't
tag along every time he's with them.
You never argue. By not addressing
a problem, it probably won't be
resolved. Explain how you're feeling,
give him a chance to respond, and
don't let it devolve into an insult bout.
You're too low-maintenance. If he's
inconsiderate and you don't call him
on it, he'll keep treating you badly.
Just be straight-up and say you don't
like being disrespected.
Source: Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD
—Reported by Lauren Denigan
