Well it goes like this; I met this girl some months
ago. I instantly had a liking for her reason being
that she looked so much like an old friend. We got
talking and as time went on, feelings began to set
it. I made my intentions clear to her about wanting
to date her and she was like "let's see how it
goes". We hung out a couple of times, from the
signs I was getting it became obvious that she
was intrested in me.
One night we got chatting on whatsApp after we
came back from an outing. I asked her: "hope you
had fun today? " she replied: "yes. Thanks for
making my day. It was generally a good day
except that I'm having issues with my boyfriend ".
["Did I just hear boyfriend ?"; I said in my mind]
Trying to play it cool I said: "Sorry about that". At
this point I told many thoughts began to cross my
mind. Not wanting to be a girlfriend snatcher I let
it pass. We continued chatting. After a few convos
she asked me: "Hope you're not hurt ?"
"About?" (Pretending not to know what she was
talking about ): I replied. "About the boyfriend
stuff? "
"Nah...why should I?"
"But I have feelings for you and would have really
like if we could work out I'm sorry ".
"Now I'm going to cry in my pillow for weeks (I
said jokingly )".
"Lol. You're funny ".
"Do me a favour ".
"what ?"
"You're going to be responsible for getting me the
second most beautiful and amazing girl now that I
can not have you".
"Lol ".
Long story short, she began trying to convince me
to give it a try. Telling me how her boyfriend stays
outside town and how they only see once in a
while. I let her know that I can't share my woman
with another man, how I can't be the side guy. She
kept insisting telling me to trust her. I still let her
know that more than affection I need comitment
and how it's impossible to be commited to two
people and all the emotional baggage that comes
with it (having witness a similar scenario ). She
told me to pretend I didn't know about another
man in her life. She kept insisting. I then asked: "If
you have a boyfriend what that make me?"
"Boyfriend": she replied. We kept going back and
forth about the scenario until I told her to forget it
as I cannot be a "Backup plan". She claimed I did
not care about her feelings.
The following evening her roommate called me
asking me what I did to her friend and how she
had been crying all evening. I felt bad and asked to
meet so we could talk things over. I eventually
agreed to date her giving her the following terms :
1. That she figures which of us she's going to
continue with and a day will come when she has
to decide or it's over.
2. That she never brings him up whenever we're
together.
She was very happy and took the offer. Things got
off to a great start. Time went on and we
increasingly got fon of each other.
The first day we kissed, she told me she was
feeling guilty. Trying not to be a drama queen, I
reacted cooly. I just reminded her about our
agreement of not bringing stuff like that up. She
cries any time we have sextet and as time went on
I made her feel comfortable about sex.
The relationship went on. We had fights, we
reconciled every time like every other normal
relationship.
A few days ago when she was supposed to leave
town to her family for the Christmas, we had our
goodbye sex and all that. We said our 'byes' and 'i
miss you(s)' & parted ways. Latter that evening,
she called me and was crying over the phone. I
told her to calm down and tell me what the matter
was. She told me that what she did with me earlier
in the day, she did with the other guy. My heart
shattred. I was so furious and didn't know what to
say. I just ended the call. She kept calling and
texting to apologise saying she won't bring him up
again and that she needed someone to talk to at
that point that's why she called. Ignored her for a
while then I replied her; if she wants us to work
out, she we have to meet up and talk about our
relationship should be ideally. But she seems not
to be able to make up her mind. I feel this is a
typical case of trying to eat your cake and have it.
What do I do?
