[b]Dating isn’t hard; loving yourself is hard. You see millions of people on dating sites, at speed dating events, going to match makers, and they’re completely wasting their time because they haven’t done their personal work yet. If you’re not clear on who you are, you can’t possibly be clear on what you need in a partner. Too many people make themistake of changing from the outside in—of adapting to their partners, and changing with the changing tides of their relationships. But if you operate like that, every relationship will end in disaster because, ultimately, yourtrue selfwill want to break through, and all of the facades and lies that upheld your relationship will fall apart. Learning to love truly yourself might be difficult, but once you do it, dating will be easy.
Here are eight personal issues you need to address before dating again.
TRULY LOVING YOUR BODY
If you still care about having perfect definition in your abs, or being a particular weight, or wearing a certain jean size, there’s no way you can be happy in a relationship. Obsessing over details like those are proof that you don’t have the deep, rich self-love that makes you not even notice if you’ve gained a pound or two.
WHAT IT MEANS
When you really love your body, you don’t love it because it’s perfect—you love it because it lets you live in it. Your body is the vessel through which you get to do so many amazing things, like dance, have sex, swim, listen to music…the list is endless. When you appreciate your body for those things, you’ll tune in to what makes you feel good, and that’s all that will matter—even if it makes you gain five pounds. Honestly: how are you supposed to backpack through Europe with your soulmate if you can’t skip a gym day?
LOVING ALONE TIME
Some people say they love alone time, but they really only love it when they choose it. They set aside alone time once a weekbutif alone time comes up unexpectedly—like a friend canceling last minute—they panic. If the concept of being alone, when you weren’t expecting it, scares you, then you’re still too codependent to date.
WHAT IT MEANS
Loving alone time means enjoying going to restaurants by yourself. It means being comfortable traveling alone—or at least feeling invigorated by the challenge of it. It means being totally okay with the idea that you may have to always do those things alone. Only then will you be stable enough to find somebody.
BEING OKAY WITH BEING WRONG
Hey, we all grow up with some ego. And to some extent, you have to be willing to defend your views and have the courage of your convictions. But if you’re going to be in a successful relationship, you’re going to have to be okay with the idea of being wrong.
WHAT IT MEANS
When you fully accept that being wrong, or admitting mistakes, doesn’t mean you “lost” a fight, then you’ve really matured. Only people who are truly secure in who they are, and proud of the way they treat people, can admit to being wrong sometimes.
BEING COMFORTABLE WITH FAILURE
Some people think they’re comfortable with failure just because they’ve gone through failure. But it’s all about how you handle failure that shows how comfortable you really are with it. And you have to be comfortable with it to be in a relationship. Life is full of failure; you can’t crawl into a hole or throw a tantrum after each failure when you have a partner who needs emotional support.
WHAT IT MEANS
Being comfortable with failures means keeping a good attitude. It means not becoming cynical or disillusioned, no matter how many times you fail at something. It means always maintaining hope, and not becoming bitter. If you can accept a failure, andnottry to put blame on something or somebody else, then you’re comfortable with it.
LETTING GO OF EX ANGER
Are you sure you’re no longer angry at your exes? Just because you no longer send angry texts at your ex doesn’t mean you no longer harbor anger towards him. If you do have ex anger, you’ll inevitably transfer some issues over to your next relationship.
THINGS A GOOD MAN GIVES YOU WITHOUT ASKING
**and**
WHAT IT MEANS
Forgiving somebody doesn’t mean deciding that what they did was okay. If your ex cheated on you, that’s messed up! Forgiving somebody means learning that what they did wasn’t personal; it was a manifestation of theirown issues.
KNOWING WHAT YOUR CAREER PASSION IS
It’s almost impossible for a relationship to survive if somebody in it hasn’t found their purpose in this life yet. Really, fully throwing yourself into a career path will jolt your life, your habits, and your schedule. Most relationships can’t handle that type of shift, so it’s best to know already what life in your dream industry looks like, before committing to a relationship.
WHAT IT MEANS
First, you need to find out what you want to do. That can take a lot of searching! It might take several internships or menial jobs. After that, you have to accept that youwant it.That can be scary,because when you admit to yourself that you want to succeed in something, failure becomes even scarier.
ACCEPTING YOUR SEXUALITY
I don’t mean accepting it if you’re homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual—I just mean accepting that you are a sexual being. A lot of people need to do some sexual healing. Women, in particular, have decades of guilt over our sexuality running through our veins. You may think you’re liberated, but if you have odd habits in bed or feel sad after sex, you may need to do your sexual healing.
WHAT IT MEANS
Your sexual healing might be as simple as attending a few tantric sex classes, or one of those fun classes where a sex toy professional teaches you some tricks. Doing these things can be incredibly empowering, and show you that there are hundreds of women who love sex—even “weird” sex—and that’s okay! If you suffered any abuse or traumatic events when you were younger, you might need to see a therapist.
GETTING OVER YOUR FAMILY STUFF
Just because you can get through dinner with your family without yelling doesn’t mean you’re over your family stuff. And you know what I’m talking about. In all likelihood, one or several of your close family members have values that you strongly disagree with. And it angers you. But if your family still angers you, you’re probably overcorrecting in your own life—you’re letting that anger dictate your behavior. And a romantic partner shouldn’t have to put up with that.
WHAT IT MEANS
When you’re really over your family stuff, you realize that you can love your family, without inheriting their belief systems. It means feeling so certain in your convictions, that you don’t worry you’ll lose them by hanging out with your family.[/b]
