Touching!
I have been in love with Matt for years.
While I was studying Mass Communication, he was the best student in the Department of Communication and Performing Arts of Bowen University, same institution as mine.
Epitome of Excellence, beauty and Godliness… #gbam
I felt tingling in my heart as he proposed to me last week over a meal at shoprite, RingRoad, Ibadan.
It was a shock, and stammering, I gave a confident ‘yes’
I woke up as early as 4am the following day and sitting up, I stared at the platinum ring he had proposed with the day before- if I don’t wear rings, I could as well admire it and smile happily.
I decided to have my morning devotion.
I knelt down, sang with great enthusiasm.
Then it was time for me to pray with a particular song that I sing everyday.
The lyrics:
Not what I wished to be,
Nor where I wished to go,
For who am I , that I should choose my way
The Lord shall choose for me Its better, that I know
So, let Him bid me go or stay!
It was a bomb! I am by His grace, an ardent listener of His and I know how He speaks to me.
Then I heard Him say:
“Daughter! He’s ur choice, not mine.
If you know my will for you, then you will know Matt is not even up to the half”
I cried! If not Matt, who else in this world? Oh dear God! I was sad!
“I will console you dearie, you will know him in a day. Just pray submissively for hours till your pride and desires die, and mine is upheld in your heart”
Then I poured myself out. Once I became emptied of self, I saw clearly! So clearly and plainly that i wanted to swallow myself. God why?
Why should this happen to me? Why should it be this guy! How could this miserable guy be better than Matt! I am in soup!
I hate to fall into God’s wrath for disobedience but Dave! That Dave! Bro Dave is a new member in our district. I met him at the Iwo Road Tantalizers. He was so cute in his well sown ankara prints. We discussed on and on until he asked me to help him up. I didn’t grab until i saw his right leg, in braces with crutches across the wall. He had a very bad leg. I felt bad for him. His wife would try o! I muttered to myself. Now, the wife is to be me!
I cried bitterly. I bound and cast to no avail. It’s Dave!
The more I cried and covered my ears, the more I saw clearly, so crystal clear.
Its Dave not Matt! What do I do?
If you were the one in my shoes, what would you do? My body tells me: “No”, my spirit says “Yes”!
I have been through the pains and rigours of a temporal bad leg but a seemingly permanent one being my head?!
No! its unimaginable!
I cried that night to the extent that the tissue paper on the floor could almost make a rug!
I checked my phone and i had missed Matt’s call for 50 times.
As i checked the message folder, i saw his message
“LizBae, I am missing you so dearly. Whats wrong with you? I hope u are safe o. I guess u are praying. Remember that after His love, its mine after. I really love u. I am teary now pls call as soon as you get my message” My heart missed a beat. This boy doesn’t know what i am going through right now. I craved for his sweet baritone voice.
My phone beeped again. I picked it and checked the message. It was from Mummy Balogun, one of my favorite confidants.
“Liz, do whatever He asks you to do. He can’t be wrong. You alone can be! ”
#Gbam! This was like fuelling the fire. Who told her about me? I haven’t told anyone yet about my struggles, not even Matt, so what’s this!
As i walked into the sitting room, my aged grandma asked me to sit. She looked into my eyes so deeply that i was weak down in my knees.
“Nobody is too ugly, poor, stupid, disabled to be your husband, if God leads you.
Dont struggle with Him o ” she said in her deep ijesha accent.
At this point, i fell to the floor and beat it hard. I cried out with a shriek while Mama only watched on with a pity.
“God its you talking shae! I know already.
Stop talking. Do you want me to run mad. Its too much. I am not ready for marriage sef, let it stop”
I hit the floor hard with such finality that the blood in my hand ceased from flowing for a few seconds.
I was already sinning. I was frustrated to the extreme.
I had always obeyed God’s will, but now, my pride wont allow me!
Carrying my Bible, i set off for Obatayo District where i attended. I made up my mind that i would pray so hard when i get there.
Then i promised
“God, i am sorry for my untoward behavior.
As i am in church now, its a busy day but the first person to enter this church, i will agree to marry. Either Matt or Dave”
I started praying. I perspired for hours, sincerely crying to God. After about 3hours, as i rounded off, glad no one came, i confidently said:
“For in Jesus’ Name have I prayed”
I heard, almost seven times confident than mine, a resounding ‘Amen’
… Matt…. Matt’s here. That’s his voice.
I turned back with great expectations and wide smile but no!
Why oh Lord! This guy again!
I charged at him with disgust
“What do you want from me?
Are you kinda devilish? Please get thee behind me. Must you follow me about!”
I fell to the ground again with great disappointment.
God really means this business o!
As i shook under the shock, a very confident, muscular hand reached my shoulder.
Oh how I love muscular men! But who is it?
I turned again to find Dave looking at me with pity. It was his hand.
“You are finding it difficult to do His will right?” he asked, almost childishly.
“Yes i am. God isn’t being fair. U are too inferior to me. Me to you?? It can’t work” I said with hate.
“I agree with you. Even i cant stoop so low to marry someone like you.” he replied
“what!” i exclaimed with pride. I was angry to the extent i was shaking from head to toe.
I have never been so embarrassed in my life. This lame guy talking to me anyhow, no way! It’s not God’s will, its hallucination.
I tried to stand up but i realised his hand was on my shoulder. I noticed he really had difficulty in bending.
Leaving aside my salvation for the moment, I threw his hand off my shoulders. He missed his step and down, he fell.
He let out a painful sound but i walked away as if nothing happened . He stretched his hands toward me to help him but I was hardened.
As i left the church, i turned back to look at him. He looked at me with a dropped jaw as a drop of tears streamed down his face.
My sanity returned a bit. I shuddered
God, what have i done! What is happening to me!
I quickly dialled Bro John’s number. He is a friend who lived close by.
He came in no time to rush him to the hospital.
As Dave hung down John’s shoulders in pain, he looked back at me with ‘You could do this!’ kind of look.
It wasn’t my fault right? I just got irritated by what he said. Plus… Its a hard thing to do shae!?
Whose fault is it really???
What really came over me!!!
I asked myself different ‘why’ questions. I was shocked at my behavior. I was not the kind of person to cause people pain, especially people with disabilities. I was always so conscious of them while dealing with them. But why this sudden behavior of mine?
As i laid on my bed, the scene of the whole incidence unfolded again. Tears welled up in my eyes and I knelt down to pray.
‘Lord i am sorry. I don’t want to regret it please forgive me...’
The room was blank! God wasn’t saying anything. I was so sad.
Then my phone rang…
It was Matt!
#*I hissed*#
Me: Hello
Matt: There hasn’t been any call from you since morning
Me: (irritated) If i didn’t call, you couldn’t?
Matt: Gosh! Lizzy, do you realize its me?
Me: (angry) " who are you by the way? "
Matt: wow!
Me: (coming to my senses) Matt, i am not in a good mood. When i am, i will give you a call.
Matt: Nice one! Nawa o! Hehehehe, Lizzy! Wonders shall never end. (he cuts the line)
I threw my phone on the bed, then i picked it up again.
I dialled Bro John’s number
Me: Bro John, thanks for the other time.
Bro John: No probs. He is in the hospital now tho. He has been admitted.
#Jesus
Me: Is it that serious?
Bro John: No. He was placed on some powerful painkillers. He is being observed now. He will be okay.
Me: I hope he isn’t angry with me?
Bro John: He just woke up few minutes ago. He asked after you when he did
Me: He did? Does he want to come? Are ladies allowed to enter?
