During a women’s gathering I attended
recently, i heard one of the speakers say
“every man has a mumum button. All you need
to do is know what your husband’s is and
know when to push it.” Some of the women laughed, some nodded in
agreement and yet some others immediately
started asking “what’s your husband’s? It may
be the same for mine”. Sadly it was a Christian
gathering. For those of you who don’t live in Nigeria, and
may not know what a mumu button is, hang on
a second and I’ll just put you through. A mumu
button is like an emergency button and a
manipulation button all rolled up in one. You
see, the very word mumu conotes foolishness or stupidity if you like. The act of being easily
deceived. So the mumu button is that thing that
u press and it becomes easy for you to
manipulate a man and in this case your
husband. Some schools of thought believe that every
man has a price, a weakness, a mumu button.
It could be sex, food, money, etc. In other
words if for instance you want something from
your husband and his mumu button is sex, all
you need to do is before he gets home have a long luxurious scented bath, put on your
sexiest lingerie and wait for him in bed and
after a rather exciting night of sex, whatever
you want even to half of his kingdom shall be
given to you. For some other women all they need to do is
cook an interesting and very rich pot of Egusi
soup and Pounded yam. The kind that sea
food and land animals are waging war in the
pot. Then once he’s done eating and is
sprawled lazily on the couch, toothpick in hand, if you were to ask for half of his kingdom at
this point, you’d probably get the whole thing. I was shocked. First at the fact my mother-in-
law had somehow cheated me. If there’s one
man on the face of the earth that doesn’t have
a mumu button or his mumu button isn’t
functioning… Well, trust me to get that one :D.
My husband is one of those people that can see right through any form of scheming. Yep!
You heard me right any type of manipulative
ploy and my Pk is all over you like a blood
hound. Trust me I learnt that all these man-
made theories and principles always have one
exception that proves the rule. My husband likes a good home cooked meal
but no matter the amount of food or how
delicious it is once he has told you “NO!” About
something you can press that “mumu button”
all you like till Jesus comes and it will NEVER
and I mean N-E-V-E-R work. His No means just that “NO!” Whether before or after a good
meal. Funny enough I learnt this one before I got
married. Watching other ladies vie for his
attention, they would go and cook large pots of
soup for their “single” pastor and be batting
their eye-lashes at him “bless you pastor. I
thought you may not have the time to do any cooking sir so I thought I should bring this.” I’d
laugh because women are such entertaining
creatures. We are the only ones who go into
battle without studying our opponent. They
would cook all types and bake all sorts and he
wouldn’t even look their way. Then me that I was “jeje-ly on my own. I didn’t cook anything
or wash any clothes or turn myself into a
slave. He was all over me”. So I thanked God
for the free lesson and deposited it into my
information bank on my “To do NOT list”. *I’ll
tell you about that someday* I learnt that food no matter how delicious had no bearing on how
my PK made decisions. “Maybe his own may not be food. Maybe it’s
sex” I hear some of you insist. :D :D *yes I’m
laughing and actually rolling on the floor* My
sister trust me I’ve tried it all o! I’m very very
very adventurous *Dont worry enough said.
I’m sooooo sparing you the details* :D He’ll just say “Wow!” Then I’d think, okay great
opportunity to ask for anything. So he’s still in
the Euphoria of it all and we’re still cuddled up
so I say “honey” and with eyes half closed he
answers “hmmm?” And I say in my best ‘baby-
girl’ voice. “Remember that thing I asked you for?” He’ll say “yes baby. And I remember
saying No”. Then he’ll turn over give me a big
cuddle and we’ll both fall asleep.
You see the real problem is I married a MAN
not a MUMU. Now don’t get me wrong if calling
your own husband a mumu works for you then by all means please do. Whatever rocks your
boat :D But I guess the real question we should be
asking instead of stressing ourselves and
coming up with one manipulative ploy after the
other is “what can make us fascinating enough
to be able to influence a man (or our
husbands) in our favour?” And who better to ask than the MAN with no mumu button
