I looked at the old man sitting in front of
me and struggled not to spit in disgust. He
looked like something God had put
together in anger, and in a hurry. He
constantly reeked of garlic and he looked
haggard and dressed clumsily like a
destitute; one would never have guessed
that he was a professor.
Not only was he a professor, he was also
Head of Department, and his ‘future
ambition’ was to get into my pants. I risked
another glance at him and almost gagged.
The man looked hideous! I couldn’t even
imagine him licking my feet, let alone
sticking his penis between my legs.
Urrrrrrgh! I couldn’t help but shudder, it
was a very disturbing imagery.
“Are you cold, should I reduce the AC?”, he
asked in that irritating voice of his. There
was nothing good about this man at all,
nothing to admire. If it was Dr. Oni that
wanted to ‘chop my ponmo’, I wouldn’t
have minded at all.
The man was drop dead gorgeous! Tall,
dark and handsome, he had the sexiest
pink lips which were all I ever stared at in
his classes. I’d have gladly played ball with
Dr. Oni, but this Prof. Chuckwu that looked
like the hunch back of Notre Dame just
made me want to throw up.
“I’m not cold. I’m fine”, I replied him
irritatedly. He looked at me and licked his
lips, his fat, black lips that looked like
tattered tyres on a keke napep. “You’re the
one causing this problem for yourself.
This is your second extra year, and you
brought it upon yourself. I just want to
have a taste of you. Come on! How do you
expect such a fine girl like you to pass
through my department without me having
a taste of her goodies?
Can you pass by a palace without greeting
the king?. You just want to prove stubborn,
now your mates have finished NYSC and
you’re still stuck here with me. Continue to
delay your own progress, just know that
you won’t graduate from this department if
I don’t get what I want”.
If looks could kill, Prof. Chuckwu would have
been twice dead that instant. I shot him a
look full of pure venom and daggers, hissed
loudly and walked out of his office, banging
the door as loudly as I could.
Bastard! I’d rather chew nails than have
him grunt and heave and sweat like a ram
on top of me. Dirty old man! Really, I blame
my dad for all these. I wanted to stay in
Lagos for my university education, but no, it
had to be his own way. He wanted me to
school in Ijebu so I could better understand
my language and to relate well with my
cousins and uncles in the hometown.
Since the state university was just in the
next village from ours, I lived in his huge
house in Ijebu. If I had stayed in Lagos like I
wanted, all these may not be happening.
I was tired and frustrated already. This was
my second extra year. Prof. Chuckwu kept
giving me an F in his course which was a
compulsory course. I was at the end of my
wits, this man was really going to delay me
for as long as it takes so as to get what he
wants.
I was already in tears as I stepped into the
compound, my uncle saw me and asked
what was wrong. “Nike, what is it? Kilode?
Why are you crying? Iwo ati tani? Talk to
me”. So I explained everything to him
through tears.
“Denike! Why are you slow like this? Enh? I
told your father then, you were still drinking
Babeena from a feeding bottle till you were
three and a half years old. That’s why you’re
slow like this! They didn’t feed you eba on
time” He shook his head in exassperation.
“So you, Adenike, omo Eweje, you’re letting
some omo igbo, ajokuta ma momi come
from the East to bully you in your own
father’s land!
When you’re the grandchild of Eweje, the
greatest herbalist in all of Ijebu. Tsk tsk!
This matter is a veery simple one, wipe your
tears, it is what Prof. Chuckwu knows how
to eat that will kill him! When you’re ready,
come and meet me at the family shrine.
Stop crying my dear”
My uncle’s words didn’t bring much relief, I
knew he was going to do something
drastic, and it was going to involve serious
charms. But what choice did I have? In the
evening I went to see him at the family
shrine and he gave me a concotion to eat. I
was supposed to go and meet Prof.
Chuckwu within three days and let him do
whatever he wanted.
I went to Prof. Chuckwu’s office with my
missing result forms. “Immediately you’re
done, you’ll fill these forms for me and sign
the attached letters for the Exams Officer
and Faculty Officer to correct my results.”.
He grinned happily like a child whose
Christmas had come early and agreed
enthusiastically.
I stripped and lay on the table, closed my
eyes and started counting backwards from
1000. When I got to 800, he had finished, I
gave him the papers to sign and walked out
of his office.
When I left, Prof opened his fridge and
finished all five one litre bottles of water
that were inside. He sent a student to get
him more bottles of water, and he finished
them all immediately. Then he took off his
shirt, he said he was feeling hot, and he
kept asking for more water. He finished a
50 litre jerrycan and still he wanted more
water.
He was acting demented and complaining
of heat, by now, other lecturers were
becoming worried about this strange
behaviour. Prof went to the back of the
faculty, saying he wanted to fetch water
from the well.
He removed the lid on the well, looked in
and screamed in joy “water!” just as he
jumped in. His body was recovered hours
later. And I wasn’t sorry, it was truly what
he wanted to eat that killed him.
