Dear Teacher,
I appreciate all your efforts in
imparting knowledge into my son’s
young life. However, recently, the
embarrassment I’ve been getting
from my son is unbearable, hence
this letter.
1. I learnt ABCD as Aaa Bee Cee
Dee. My son wastes no time to tell
me ‘Daddy you’re wrong!’ In his
words, daddy ‘sound’ after me: Aaa
(A) Bọọ(B) Kọ (C) Dọ (D)….
Imagine my son thinks his father
doesn’t know ABCD, ordinary ABCD
poop?…no thanks to you
2. To write no 1, I was taught by
my teacher who held my hands to
just write 1!
What did you teach my son? No 1 is
now ‘Stroke’, 2 is now ‘Stroke and
dash’ 4 is ‘Stroke, dash and stroke’
and you guys think you will make
heaven for complicating my already
complicated life? Simple 1234? And
you expect me to know it? Allowing
myself to be embarrassed anytime
his mom isn’t around and I’ve to do
the homework? Uncle, is it fair?
3. How can you ask a 3 year old
boy to bring a picture of 10 living
things and non living things? Aunty,
at his age, do you know it? Next
time, please print it in school, put it
in a sealed envelope and put it in
his bag for me. Please stop giving
me assignment indirectly through
him, what is the school fees for?
4. Nursery Rhymes: I grew up with
Rhymes like ’ema weyin o, wen
wen nitori kini.., Sandalili Sandalili,
Old Roger is dead and gone to his
hear, Hun ha, gone to his grave.
I don’t know Ringer ringer roses, I
push you, you push me, we all fall
down! I don’t know the lyrics! If
you teach my son any new Rhymes
before he embarrasses me, please
Aunty, send the YouTube link to me
via SMS. Abeg, edakun, ejoor
5. My father was the ultimate. He
sent me on an errand, I would say
only 2 words, ”Okay Sir” and run
with the speed of light. My son?
”Obinna get me water from the
fridge.” He stands still with arms
akimbo and says ‘Daddy? Say the
magic word!’ Which useless magic
word? Am I paying school fees so
my son can dictate to me? In my
own house, where am paying my
rent, housing and clothing him? You
sef check am?
Let me stop here as the list is
endless
I can’t remember how many times
he has forced me to thrash my
waste, correct my pronunciation of
words – publicly etc
I didn’t embarrass my father who
even sent me to a public school.
So I ask, the school fees I pay
termly, is it primarily for my
embarrassment?
Yours sincerely,
