One day, Akpos complained to me;
"Ofego, my elbow really hurts. I guess i
should see a doctor."
I told him; "Don't do that. There's a
computer at the drug store that can
diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply
put in a sample of your urine, and the
computer will diagnose your
problem and tell you what you will do about
it.
It will only cost you N5,000. Akpos figured he had nothing to
lose, so he filled a jar with a urine
sample and went to the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the
sample and deposited N5,000.
The computer started making some noises and various lights
started flashing.
After a brief pause, it popped
out a small slip of paper
which read:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water, avoid heavy
labour. It will be better in
two weeks.
That evening while thinking how
amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical
science forever, he began to wonder if this
could be fooled. He
decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturbated into the
concoction, went back
to the drug store,
located the computer,
poured in the sample and deposited N5,000.
The machine again made the usual noises,
flashed lights, and
printed out the following
analysis:
Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm.
Bathe him with anti-
fungal shampoo.
Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant . . .
twin girls.
They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.
