Ibo Boy That Fall In Love With Yoruba Ways

Am back again with another rib cracking story from Flow1759 this. Can someone pls help me with register. This story exclusively belong(written ) to Flow1759 and brought to you by your own "yours faithfully" Emperor Skookum __________________________________________ Links Available Episodes Episode 2 Episode 3 Episode 4 Episode 5 Episode 6 Episode 7 Episode 8 Episode 9 Episode 10 Episode 11 Episode 12 Episode 13 Episode 14 Episode 15 Episode 16 Episode 17 Episode 18 Episode 19 Episode 20 Episode 21 Episode 22 Episode 23 Episode 23 Episode 24 Episode 25 Episode 26 Episode 27 Episode 28 Episode 29 Episode 30

nice "next"

Flow..... Man way dey reason

Continue

I don land, continue

Right here! @mercy1 @vivian8 @hormortiyor @sommyangel Another story is here.

Seated Ride on

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Oyah na... Cari go

is nt gwud o u guys dnt invite me for stories

Seated

Continue

next

Seated...Ride on

bring it on

Ride on

Episode 2 It was Ezenna and Obinna, two baggas back then in school. I anchored them saying "Elele ti elele", our slang we use to greet ourselves in sch back then, we talked as they asked if i just finished my clearance, i told dem i just did and they in turn told they have been in the camp since the previous day; of which i could c because they already had their khaki on. They later told me they both stay in hall A as we pathed. I got to my hall at about 6, the hall was noisy as some guys where trying their khaki on, while others where arranging their bags. "omo this my khaki trousers too big oh" someone said, i drew closer to him to see the size. "e be like say e go size me" i said as he offered it to me "take my own, my own small" i offered him mine in turn. The guy i gave my khaki trouser was Ayo, his bunk number was 26, just beside mine. He hails from Ekiti, he was a good Womanizer, a better alcoholic, and a best weed smoker, like he told me. I introduced myself to every inmate including the guy dat occupies the bunk above me, Lampard was his name, a befitting name as he was exactly the black version of Frank Lampard of Chelsea Fc. I told them my name was "Flow" as a guy named "Shakur" asked me if it was an italian name, i said "me wey never go Togo before, com talk of italy" the whole house laughed. Ayo later said we should both go to mammy market......... I drank "Alomo" dat day to stupor; a drink i never liked but had to drink it because Ayo said it was his favorite. As i drank my final bottle of Alomo, i could feel the hot effect of the Alomo down my heart. "make dis drink no burn my heart oh" i said to myself. Ayo told me he had always liked Ibo boys as i told him i also like Yoruba boys because they are sociable I had insomnia that nite, it was as if the pounded Yam and Okro soup i ate at mammy market earlier was about coming out from my mouth. "Flow eh, if u vomit here u don f*uck up", i said as i tried holding myself from throwing up in the silent hall, "make i no use vomit wake people from sleep" i said to myself....... Flow! Flow! Flow!. I got that nickname is sch when i was in 100level. I entered a lecture hall late and the lecturer told me to stand outside along with others. He later told us to come in and explain to the class why we came late one after another. When it was my turn i explained saying, "i woke early, prepared for lectures, U GET MA FLOW, got to the bus stop, no bus, U GET MA FLOW, so i decided to trek, U GET MA FLOW, bla bla bla U GET MA FLOW". I said "u get ma flow" a hundred times before i finished explaining due to the fact dat i couldn't stand the huge crowd that was staring back at me. The whole class laughed as if i was a Nigerian stand-up comedian. Since then my name changed from Ugo to Flow, as some people from other departments heard the story. Since then na FLOW...FLOW...FLOW everywhere The nite was rather short as we were soon out for morning jogging by 5am. As we jogged i had no choice but to adore the whole corpers puting on white and white, it was as eye catching as the angels of heaven. "mehn i miss smoking weed with my guys back home oh" i said as we engaged in the rigorous "man o war" activities. Soon it was time for breakfast. "omo c this dry bread and water-water tea oh" i said walking to my hall to devour the bread because i was famished.... I letter got to know that they was something called "platoon" of which i belonged to platoon 3, same as Ayo. Ayo was becoming my best friend as the day goes. "i hear say dem go play ball next week oh" i told Ayo as we were in the conference hall listening to a boring lecture. "i hear am oh, u go play for our platoon abi?" he asked. "i go play oh, u no sabi say na me b world best defender" i said as Ayo told me he was a good striker........... As me and Ayo was running after been chased from mammy by a soldier we we joined by Ezenna and Obinna. "how far Eze" i said "wetin dey happen" he respond."i dey like dele oh" i said shaking them both "Guy u still dey weed?" Obinna asked. "oboy i still dey weed oh, but where persin go c weed for this camp na" i added. "guy we carry weed come here" Obinna whispered to my ears not wanting Ayo to hear. Immediately my jaw droped in astonishment. "Bad baggas, how dem smuggle weed enta camp?" i said to myself as i recalled our slogan as baggas, "Nothing dey hard for bagga"....... After our football practice dat evening i told Ayo what Obinna had earlier Whispered to my ears. He smiled and said "Na why i tell u say i like Ibo boys". Day 5 in camp and everything seems to b going on fine. Me and Ayo are regular costomers of "Iya Ruka" drinking spot in mammy, as well as a bush path we go to weed every nite with Ezenna and Obinna. Sometimes i fear that soldiers might see us as we enter the bush path to smoke, or if not soldiers snake might bite us as the bush was very thick and interior. One day while coming out from the bush, somebody tapped me from behind. It was Chioma. As i hugged her an Intimate feelings arose in me. I could feel my di*ck rise wanting to tear my khaki trouser due to her baloon-like brea*st on my broad chest. "so u are in this camp" i inquired. "i am oh, its been long" she said. "after our last paper, nobody saw u again" i added. She told me she was in platoon 4 in camp. Chioma is one girl i will never forget in a hurry. She was the girlfriend of the leader of the "" confranity in my sch, which i never knew then. I Fell in Love with her because she was not only the most beautiful girl in my department but the most intelligent. So intelligence mixed with beauty was a perfect blend for me not knowing i was entering hot soup. Her "point 1" boyfriend got to know dat i was asking Chioma out and sent his boys to track me down. My best friend Emeka who was an axe man told me to leave the sch premises so as to prevent the case from leading to a full scale war between the baggas and the members. I had to travell to the village where i stayed for three weeks till everything subsided, since then i prevented Chioma like a bad disease, even though she had feelings for me, not until now..

hehe, I get your FLOW

@froshberry-2 i don sit

Continue. You get ma flow

Nice one

i dae ur back shey u gat ma flow

Ride on. U get ma flow

Continue,u get my fIow

Next

yeeh dis story go rock pass gan.... Ah dey ur back FLOW

make him dey flow go

ride on bro... I gat ur flow

next

Keep the flow on!

next

Nice one, u get my flow

@mercy1 0kay. Flow the flow user.

Nice one Flow . . Enjoying it Flow . . Ride on Flow

Following,u geh mah flow

as nobody invite me for this flow thing no good ooo.... @froshberry-2 shey u get drink cos na only pop corn dey my hand

push on king "FLOW''

Bacchus wine right?? @hi-bee-kay

No problem I go manage am @froshberry-2

carry on

Alright. Its done. @hi-bee-kay

Episode 3 Day 7 and it was the day our platoon was to play our first match. I was selected to play, Ayo was selected too. Ayo was to play as the one man front in our 4-3-2-1 formation. If there are two players i see as incompetent in our team, they are; Dogo, the left full back and Amos our goalkeeper. Dogo was as tall as tree as he was the tallest in the camp. While Amos was a guy that narrowly "escaped" been an Albino. I was to play right full back. A wing i promised to man with all seriousness.... The referee kick started the match, we were playing against platoon 7. 15 minutes and no goal from either sides. I almost caused an own goal when i gave a back pass to the keeper as i said "Flow no f*uck up oh, Chioma dey watch dis match oh" to myself. Gbam! it was a header from Kelly, one of our mid-fielder into the net of our opponent......... GOAL Second half and we were still leading, 1-0. When suddenly a pass got to Ayo and as he was about to beat the goalkeeper to score, he was brought down my the goalkeeper in the 18 box. Yellow card was given to the keeper and penalty awarded in our favour. My heart beat increased as if i was Ayo that was to play the penalty kick...... GOAL, 2-0. Our opponent were coming way out on our defence as i shouted "Dogo come back!". They came all out on a equalizing mission as one of their striker tried to score, and on the process of me macking him i sustained an injury. Another striker tried acting a "Lionel Messi" skills on me as i gave him a "Nemandja Vidic" attack in return and collected the ball and passed to Dogo who tried giving a back pass to Amos our keeper and......... Gbam......... Own goal I walked to the room that evening feeling the pains on my right ankle more as it made me limp a beat. That night i and Ayo went to drink at mammy as we discussed the match, dis this time around i didn't drink Alomo but my brand 1759(guinness), we also ate rice and beans from our customer "Baba Imo" an ibo man. We came back to the room on time to meet Shakur saying "una tink say una sabi play abi, make una play with our platoon we go beat una wella", "we go beat una platoon as we don take beat dem Lampard platoon so" i said looking in the direction of Lampard, who is turn said. "na because i no play that match nahim make na, if not i for show una wetin make them call me Lampard" we laughed, when Lampard whispered to me "Flow make we go shi*t na". "e b like say u know say sh*it dey worry me sef" i whispered back, at that moment i could feel p`oo wanting to come out of my a*nus. We didn't bother to use the toilet as all the toilet were full to the brim with poo, so we opted for the bush. With newspapers on our hands we hurried to the bush path in-between the camp director's quaters and the church. We lay our newpapers on the floor as were down to "business". Bra...pbra....papo....popa was the sound i heard Lampard's an*us make. "Flow i dey porge oh" he said, "how u no go porge wey ur own no pass moi moi and bread for mammy every morning" i said to myself. "do quick oh, na u i dey wait oh, i don shi*t finish" i said as i stood by the road side waiting. Suddenly, i saw somebody coming, at first i tot it was a corper that wanted to join us, lo and behold as she drew closer, it was the camp director. "what are u doing here?" she asked. "ehm ehn i am here for.... Church service" i said dat without thinking. "church service and u are standing here, dressed like dis!!" she said as she immediately sited lampard. "so u came here to defecate uhn after u have been warned against it uhnn" she said as i almost ran. "no ma" Lampard said now fidgety. "no ma what, u will pack dat poo with ur hand and throw it away". At that moment Lampard postrated like a typical Yoruba boy he was. "ejor ma, ejor ma, e ma binu ma" he spoke what souded like gibberish to me. "u must pack it with ur bare hands, after which i will send u home, back to ur parents" she said. On hearing this i tot of which was better; packing the poo with bare hands or been evicted from camp. Cold shivers gradually ran down my spin as i watched Lampard trying to pack the poo with his hands. The tot of her telling me to also pack mine made me flee I got to hall F, i didn't say a word as i immediately hit the bed. As i was aslept i tot i heard Lampard climbing his bunk, which was above mine. The next morning i ate double ration of the Egusi soup and Eba they prepared in the dinning because i collected the meal card of Ayo from him. Day 10, "dem don dey give alawi oh" an inmate said. "Ayo make we go collect our own before people go plenty oh" i told Ayo. As we were on our way i saw what made my jaw droped. Ezenna and Obinna where flogged with "koboko" by two soldiers close to the bush path. Me and Ayo drew closer as we overheard people saying Ezenna and Obinna has been caught with weed. We drew even closer as i noticed dat i knew one of d soldiers. "Gbengus how far?" i said as i notice it was coporal Gbenga that i smoked weed with in the barracks. "who be u?" he asked. "na me na, Fanta" (i was known as "Fanta" in the barracks). "aah Fanta na u b dis, u don change oh, wetin u dey do here?" he asked a rather stupid question, "i be corper here na" i added. As i sharp barracks boy i just "cornered" Gbenga and gave him 3k for him to free my guys. He freed them saying, "dis barrack boy nahim save una today, una for leave this camp" and collected the weed from them. "Bad awoah, gbengus, e go go smoke the weed" i told Obinna as i immediately lied to him to give me 5k as that was the amout i gave the soldier to free them. He gave the money instantly as i moved on. "So u b barrack boy?" Ayo asked "i b barrack boy na" "i be BAD BARRACK BOY (BBB) Day 15 and it was the day for the Mr Macho contest. I was to represent platoon 3. Before then i had been doing 70 push ups every morning. I had used the rehearsals for the "intro" to the show as an excuse to miss the strenous "marching" practice. "who get fine cloth oh?" i asked everybody in the house to help me with their cloth for the "mufty" presentation of the contest. I got more than what i asked for, as i was given shoes, wrist watch and perfume. The show was to start by 7pm as i went to mammy to drink with Ayo by 6pm. "Flow u need to get mind to answer d questions wey dem go ask u oh" Ayo said. "I get mind na" i responded. "guy no be dat kin mind oh, u gat to hi so ur eyes go dirty na, so u no go dey see d crowd" he said as i saw sense in wat he said. "na true talk oh" i said, "i go buy two bottles of small Alomo, so u go sip small when u wan enter stage" he added. I got to the venue to meet with my platoon make-up group as they did some make-up on me likewise the girl that was to represent my platoon in the Miss NYSC pergeant. The Miss NYSC and the Mr Macho was to hold that nite. The 10 contestants for the Mr Macho and the 10 contestants for the Miss Nysc did a magnificent display of intro as the show proper kick-started with the Miss Nysc first before Mr Macho. "oboy see boobi oh, see kahkah eeh" i said as i stared at the girls that came out catwalking. Soon it was time for the boys to come out. We were putting on tight boxers shorts. The olive oil we rubbed on our body to make our muscles glow was much on my body as it made my fair skin shine like a morning sun. Ladies and gentlemen welcome contestant number 1.......... Said the MC. I was contestant number 3, "how i go take waka sef" "how i go take smile sef" all these were running like a computer program in my brain. When suddenly...... Ladies and gentlemen welcome contestant number 3

hmmmmm

kikikikiki laughing in Chinese

next flow bbb

Hmmm

waka like snake na!!!

@froshberry-2 I Wan2 Sit Bsid U Shey U Get Ma Flow

Na your end be dat ooo

U go waka like moon walker!

Laffsss.. Sit down dy tink na

You go smile anyhow nj

Lolz... @willingyung

Hehehe...Ride on

But for me I dont understand pidgin so I just read cause I want to lead but I dont get up to 20% (understanding)

Oya dey go nah!

funny

Gbagam

make you waka like jerry

Hahahahahahhahaha..very funny, Bad Barracks Boy (BBB)

0ya go na!

Episode 4 It was second round and for the Miss Nysc, contestants number 1,2,4,7 and 9 qualified, while contestants number 2,5,7,8 and 3 qualified for the Mr Macho. This time we are to dress on casuals/corperate wears. As Ayo gave me a whole bottle of Alomo to drink, i tot my heart was melting as the Alomo ran down my intestine. I was very "high" and ready for any question to be asked. Contestant number 2 was first, he was dress on a yellow long sleeve shirt and a black trousers, he was asked to give five importance of Nysc to the nation, he answered it brillantly. Next it was my turn. First question, "what is the meaning of RSM in the military" the anchor asked as i saw the camp RSM smiled. "na barrack boy una dey ask dis kin question?" i tot as i answered saying "Regimented Sergeant Major". Second question, "what was your discipline in school?", i answered saying industrial physics. Third questiön, "what is the importance of industrial physics to Nigerian economy?". I couldn't tell if i was the one answering the question or somebody called "Alomo" was whispering the answers to my ears. It was time for the result to be called. We were earlier told dat the winner goes home with a laptop, while the first runner up goes home with a flat screen tv. The second runner up was to smile home with a standing fan. As we stood awaiting the result, someone was telling me "na u go win" and i was whispering "Amen, Amen, Amen" as i turned and saw nobody speaking, "or was it the spirit of "Alomo" talking" i asked myself. Suddenly i heard......... And the winner is contestant number TWO..............two sounded like THREE to my ears....... Or was it the spirit of Alomo again that interpreted TWO as THREE to my brain I came third so i won the standing fan. When i got to room F that nite, the whole house cheered me as if i won gold in the Olympics. Day 18, with just two days left, i had already become Chioma's "one and Only", as she called me to come join her anywhere she was. "i don become her hand bag" i said to myself as i walked to the carten to collect my portion of the rice and chicken they prapared for corpers. "Mr Macho!!", it was a figure 8 lady in my platoon greeting me. I urged her to come walk with me to the kitchen but she refused saying she was waiting for her friend. I ate the rice and chicken as if it was my first time of eating rice and chicken, i finished the food within two seconds as i demanded for the meal card of Lampard who said he would be going to mammy to eat "Moi moi and bread". "so dis boy never learn him lesson and stop moi moi and bread abi" "dis time dem go tell am make him chop Sh*it" i tot as i walked with my corpers cap on my head in order to prevent people from noticing i was going for "second round". As it got to my turn in the queue somebody said "Aaah aaah, so Mr Macho dey chop two times"........... It was that figure 8 girl. As usual, i was in the mammy market drinking with Ayo when my phone rang. It was Chioma, she wanted me to come meet her somewhere, a secluded area. I got there in time. As i approached i noticed that Chioma was putting on a white "bomb short". I my mind i said "omo mehn this girl gather fresh L*aps oh, d kind l*ap wey go make guyman release even at a distance". That attribute of hers made me fall in Love with her back then in sch. I sat close to her under the tree as she placed her hands on my shoulders causing an instant vibration on my head. Meanwhile, i could feel the Love in the air as everyone was in different corners with their lovers, doing what only God knows. Chioma carried my left hands and placed in ön her fresh la*ps that was as smoth as an Abuja express way. My dic*k was rising gradually as my hands moved gradually to unbotton her bomb short. Soon she was seating ön my l*aps as my huge carrot-like di*ck almost tore her bomb short and penetrate inside. She placed my hands on her la*ps again as i continued moving my fingers to the "destination point". "are u scared, ain't u enjoying urself?" she asked what seems like a rhetorical question to me, "i am, u know i have always wanted u" i said as i finished unbottoning her white bomb short, what was left was for my fingers to head to the "destination point", when i heard.......... "Everybody go to ur rooms"............ It was some soldiers chasing all corpers inside.

hmmmm next

Chai... And you're already aroused! Room straight.

Fuck up

Omo bad market be that ooo

hmmm

Oyah stand up go ur room

bad market

ooh shit wch kind gbese be dis nah guy cool down de meat go set again and you go chop am clean mouth

Hmmmmm...ride on

Hahhahahahahahaah...ommo, u fit cry sef

Episode 5 Next day was a sunday, the last sunday in camp. I thanked God for the good things he had done for me, i also asked Him to make my posting to be in a city in the State not village. "where u go like make dem post you go?" i asked Ayo as we walked to the room from church. "Flow anywhere oh, i go manage am, but i no want village oh" he said. "guy i go like make dem post us go d same place oh" i added. "abi oh, make we run tins together na" he said Dat day it rained heavily, as we remained indoors. I stayed tranquil in my bed replaying what happened last nite. "why those soldiers no allow me, enter the place before them pursue us na" "which kin bad belle soldiers them be sef" all this was what clowded my brain when Shukur said "Flow dis evening na final and we go beat una today". "una no fit na, when i dey back" i said. We were to play the final match with platoon 1 that evening. It was 4pm and match was to start by 5pm. I glanced at my rolex wrist watch wanting the time go move backwards because i was scared of the deadly striker SHAKUR. Shakur was so far the highest goal scorer with five goals to his credit. Why Shakur scared me was not only because he was good at scoring but because he was a good dribbler. "make dis Shakur boy no go disgrace me oh" i said to myself owing to the fact that he would operate from my side of the field. Soon the match started, i warned Dogo to always return back after he sends the ball in. I also told him how deadly Shakur was and dat this match was not like the previous match we played 2days ago with platoon 9 that was very easy to win. My Guy Ayo was upfront as usually. Ayo made an attempt that made the crowd cheered, he made yet another attempt that hite the bar. Shukur was running speedily to my direction as something entered my eyes, i wasn't seeing clearly. "Dogo go mack am oh, sand don enter my eyes ooh" i shouted. I cleared d sand off my eyes in time to see how Shakur gave Dogo the dribble of his life and scored........... GOAL...... The crowd cheered........ "thank God for that sand oh, so na so Shakur for dribble me abi" i tot as i gave a long pass to Ayo who passed back to a mid-fielder. Shakur came again with the ball to my direction, dis time i was determined to mack him down, he swayed the ball pass one of our mid-fielder, as he came closer to me i didn't know his intentions until he fired a short that came to my direction like a bullet from a gun............ Gbam, the ball saw no other place to hite but my p*enis.............."yekpa my blok*us don burst oh" i tot as i immediate fell like an "iroko tree". My head hite the floor as my eyes failed me instantly............"Flow u don blind b dat oh", my spirit said dat to my body, "na ur papa go blind" my body responded without my mouth moving The first thing i saw as i returned to planet earth from the "spirit world" was the gap in Lampard's teeth as he smiled at me in the medical room, where i was lying helplessly. "Lampard na who win?" i asked curiously. "oboy dem don win una ni" he said as i cursed myself for not playing till the end of the game. I got to the room dat nite and i was told Ayo was at mammy market, i took my bath and joined him. After we finished drinking four bottles each we went straight to the bush to join Ezenna and Obinna to smoke weed. "aro how far?" i said our baggas slang "aro" as i anchored dem both. "aro, rugged u?" Obinna responded. I smoked life chimney that nite as i wondered how Ezenna and Obinna got the weed we smoked that nite since their weed was collected by the soldier the other day. They told me they bought it from a guy in mammy, which i never believed............ As we walked to the room i could feel my stomach run. It was as if i wanted to throw up. "how only four bottles of stout go make me wan vomit na?" i asked myself as we entered the room. I got in after i mistook Ayo's bed as mine and slept on it, Ayo on the other hand slept on mine. I was almost aslept when suddenly the feeling of wanting to throw up came again, this time harder and............. Uhn uhun ugbun ouhn....... "Flow eeeh u don vomit for my bed" Ayo shouted at the top of his voice. Last day in camp, all corpers where set to leave the camp, carrying their bags, but it was as if i wasn't set to leave. "mehn i go miss this camp oh, i go miss mammy oh" i tot as i walked with Ayo to the field where the passing out parade was to take place. The parade began amidst cheer from different directions. I and Ayo watched the march pass keenly as Ayo showed me Chioma, who was leading her platoon in the march pass. We were siping Alomo as a feeling of euphoria clouded my mind. Soon the Governor addressed the crowd saying, we should try to accept wherever we were posted to as our "destiny" for the next one year. "destiny wetin, no be persin wey dem post go better place", "if dem post u go village na to die go be ur destiny na" i tot as we dismissed to go collect our posting letter. As i in time located where my code number fell, i could feel the Alomo i drank wanting to tear my head to pieces. I collected my posting letter and this was what i saw: posted to Grace international school in Ilesa west LGA. Immediately i asked a radom guy passing "Ilesa na for village e dey?" "i no know oh" he answered. That was the begining of my misery. "Oshogbo, Oshogbo", "Ife north", "Ife south", "Iwo, Iwo", "Atakumosa east", the bus drivers were chanting the places there were to carry corpers to "oga abeg where Ilesa West bus?" i asked "ilesa west bus, see am there" he pointed at a rickety bus by the corner. I and Ayo met again when we went to carry our bags at "Baba Imo" food joint in mammy, where we kept our bags. "Ayo where dem post u go?" i curiously asked "na Oshogbo oh, ministry of Agriculture oh" he said. I asked Ayo if Ilesa was a city or village, he said it was a mini-city, and that it was closer to Oshogbo. I got to where the rickety bus was as i checked my wallet to know how much i was left with, what i saw almost made me cry. "na only 2500 dey my hand oh, if d transport money com pass 2500 nkor" "i don jonz myself go spend all d alawi wey i collect oh" "how i go take chop for where i dey go?" "if no house nkor, how i go take rent hotel" all these clouded my little brain as the bus zoomed off....... "driver na how much be d money" i asked from behind. The driver smiled and said "na free oh". I was surprised as well as some corpers too. "where we go stay sef?" another corper asked "na for church" the driver answered as he explained that Winner chapel church would take care of us till we finished our clearance in the local government. "thank God oh" i said to myself as my mind was calm enough to notice this beautiful damsel seating just by my side As the bus moved on i was thinking of a way to start up a conversation with this black princess. "Am Flow, am a citizen of Italy, and u are? i said smiling and revealing my beautiful set of teeth. she laughed and said "Mr Flow from Italy, What are you doing in Nigeria as a corper when you should be in Italy?", staring and smiling back at me. " i don catch this one oh", i said to myself. we were involved in an healthy chat as she later told me her name was Juliet. she also told me where she was posted to as we shared our camp experiences, she told me she schooled in the east and that she studied Economics As we continued in the rather long Journey, i suddenly felt air coming out of my an*us silently. "make dis mess no smell oh" i said to myself "even if e smell sef nobody go know say na me mess am na" i assured myself, the f*art was smelling as if a rat died in the bus. "oboy dis mess go put me for wahala oh" i said to myself as i noticed Juliet looking at my direction. "abi dis girl don know say na me mess?" i asked myself as a boy in front said "e no go better for d person way mess dis mess" "na ur papa e no go beta for" i responded in my mind. "uhun uhun uhun" was d noise around "uhun uhun uhun" i joined them so as not to arose suspicion. All the windows were open but d smell still form a cloud in the bus. "My belle don spoil don spoil oh" "but wetin i chop na" "ok na that boiled egg wey me and Ayo chop for mammy dis morning" "but how e take spoil my belle na, and na only 3 in chop oh" all these were wat i tot as the odour subsided. We got to Winners Chapel Ilesa at about 6pm. The church ministers welcomed us and took us to a "boys quaters" behind the church after assuring us that we would be taken care of, and that anything we needed we should ask. "Ask ehn, what of if i need weed, i go ask" i tot. "but Flow oh, u gat to behave urself oh, here na church oh" i told myself. I noticed Juliet was the only girl amongst us, so she was given a seperate roon while the rest of us, 10 in number shared two rooms. They was church service that nite, as i slept all through as the preacher preached. We got to our room by 9pm. After we ate, Juliet told me that she could not sleep in that her scary room alone. "see wahala oh" "wetin dis girl want make i do na" "if i go follow am sleep, pastors fit see me com pursue me comot for church oh" "if dem pursue me, where i go stay, wetin i go chop" all this tots fill my brain. So i went along with Juliet to tell the pastor that Juliet was scared of her room. The pastor told me to sleep in the same room with her as by so doing Juliet would fight her fears, he offered me a foam. "see me se wahala, pastor wan put me for trouble oh" "Flow if u try rubbish with Juliet for nite, u don enter hot soup oh" "why me na, why me" i tot. I promised myself not to try anything funny, promise that my d*ick also promised

0ya kontinue!

Hmmmm

Lolz

Ok

Continue

good

next jhoor

lol abeg no try maka ndu gi

Lol...observing

Feed me m0re o0o!

flow u sure OK continue

Lol

Next!

continue

Eeyyaaahhh

Episode 6 I slept that nite with my foam far away from where Juliet's foam was, in order to prevent the "unwanted" to occur. "but this pastor no try oh" i said to myself as i remembered him saying that we should know that we are in the house of God and that i should take Juliet as my sister, "she no be my sister na" i said to myself again. Dat nite was the longest nite i have ever experienced as i tot i saw something lying close to me, "abi na Juliet, but i no wan do na" i said to myself, i turned and lo and behold it was my pillow lying right beside me, "thank God oh, thank God because even if Juliet want make we do this thing, boys wey dey the other room go hear the noise because everywhere dey quite" i said in my mind. Soon it was morning and we were set to our place of primary assignment to report for duty. "good morning sir" i said as i entered the office of this old and unkept principal, "good morning corper" he said, "sir, i was posted here to serve" i said as he offered me a seat. He later told me that two corpers had been to his office already, a boy and a girl. He said so many things, but one thing he said that i wouldn't forget was that i would be teaching SS3 physics and chemistry. "physics no be my problem, but chemistry nahim wahala dey oh, me wey i hate chemistry" i said to myself, as i walked out of the office i saw two familiar faces standing at the door wanting to enter the office, it was Sammy and Kelvin, two guys that stays in the same Winners logde with me, "so na here be una PPA" i asked, "na here oh" Sammy responded. As i walked out of the school i couldn't help but notice that the school buildings were very old and unpainted. "What is Grace about this Grace international school sef?" i asked myself when suddenly my phone rang It was Juliet, she wanted me to come meet her at the Nysc secretarait for us to do our clearance together. I was with her in no time as we finished first stage of our clearance, second stage was to head to the bank to open an account, meanwhile i checked my wallet to notice that the 2500 was cuting down gradually. We were in the bank soon after i had paid for the transport fare. We finished with the account opening rather late and we headed back to the secretariat, and i paid for the transport fare again. "dis girl no go kill me oh, c 2500 wey i hold don turn 2000 oh" i said in my mind. We finished our clearance at the secretariat. As we walked to where we would pick a bike, all of a sudden Juliet said "Flow buy me ice cream na" "see me see wahala, i dey talk say i don spend too much, u dey say u want ice cream" "shey u no know say i go travel go my papa house" "abi i resemble ur papa" all these was wat i tot as i paid the ice cream man. We got home ate and the pastor told us to come upstairs for yet another church service. As we prepared for church, Juliet told me to come with her briefly to go buy a pair of shoes she saw at a boutique earlier. "i don die be that oh, so na dis 1800 wey dey with me nahim dis girl want make i use buy shoe for am" i said to myself as i walked faintly with her to the boutique. "if we reach there and she say make i pay, i go tell her say i no get money" i concluded. We got there, she bought the shoes and as she paid i noticed she had plenty money in her purse, like up to 20k. "so dis girl get dis kin money come dey allow me spend since abi" "dis Anambra babe wan run me dry oh" i said to myself as we walked to join the service. Immediately we entered the preacher quoted a Bible verse, Matthew 25:29 and it says; "To him that haveth, more shall be given and he shall have in abundant, but him that haveth not, shall be taken away from him even that which he have". With that verse it seems as if the preacher knew what i had gone through with the Anambra babe Juliet Next day i was outside with Sammy and Kelvin, we were discussing how we would later go to the school to go tell the principal to provide us with a house and other things he is responsible to provide. "nna ka ndì a nye anyi èzigbote uló eh" i spoke ibo to Sammy who is an ibo boy from Enugu, "ha kwésíri nye anyi èzigbote uló nu" he responded as we walked into the school. The school was noisy as students walked to their classes after the morning assembly. "Awòn corper" i heard one of the students say. "Kelvin wetin dem say u go dey teach na?" i asked "na Commerce SS3 oh" he answered, "Sammy what of u?" i asked again, "nna na Account SS2 oh" he answered, as we entered the pricipal's office we met four other corpers there making us seven in number. "alright since all seven of u are here, i want to let you know that we have only five rooms available in the school's corpers Lodge, just down the street" the principal said "me i go like stay for the lodge oh" i said within myself when he now added "okay since we have two ladies here, we will have to rent a house somewhere else for both of them while the rest of you occupy the five rooms". Immeditely the mentioned that i caught a glimpse of this Black beauty that was one of the girls, "so, fine girls no dey finish for this world?" i asked myself that rather rheotorical question We were taken to see the room, after each of us collected a foam from the school. I noticed that all the rooms were small, except the one at the extreme which was the one i selected. With everthing set we got to know each other better. Sammy a fair Ibo boy, Kelvin a chubby TIV boy from benue, Niyi a.k.a Baba Ilorin or Ilorin for short, Victor a TIV boy that prefered we called him "Angom" which means "brother" in his dialet and of course my humble self Flow; the bad barrack boy(BBB). "so we fit travel go our papa house now abi?" i asked nobody in particular as Angom answered "me dey travel go benue tomorow oh, i no know for una oh". "we fit travel na, because we don do every thing wey dey required" Sammy added. As we continued gisting, kelvin and Ilorin was inspecting the toilet facilities when Ilorin shouted "oboy na pit toilet we go dey use oh", on hearing that my jaw droped, my jaw droped even more when Angom brought a paper that looked like rit*zler, i looked from the corner of my eyes to see him bring out something that surprised me more. "so you dey weed?" i queried "yes na, u no know say i b confirm benue pekin?" he responded and smiled revealing his cute dimple. Soon Ilorin and Kelvin came and Ilorin said "mehn see ITUARA oh", "Wetin b ituara na" Angom asked "nahim b dis tin wey u hold na, na d yoruba name na?" Ilorin responded. "so weed get Yoruba name?" i asked myself as Angom offered me and Ilorin the weed to ki*ss. "Kelvin and sammy, una no dey weed?" i asked what was obvious. "i hate that thing" Sammy cursed. "Hate ehn, na my first time to c pesin say e hate weed oh" i said. "well like d saying goes; one man's meat is another man's poison" i tot We got to the church that evening to pack our bags and properties to our new house. We told the pastor that we were through with all the clearance and that we would leave to our various homes the next day, because the schools would soon vacate for the christmas break, so we were to return by january. The pastor gave us 1k each and told us to come worship with them every sunday when we return by january. "this church try for us oh, dem house us, feed us, now them give all of us 1k", "how i no go worship with una, wen na una make me fit buy tins for my people for house, wit d 1k una give me" i tot as i journeyed back home. During the christmas break i tried to gather enough money to buy properties when i get back to Ilesa. I worked in the farm seriously during the holidays as i made money from selling farm produce like vegetable. This is one reason i like the barracks; u can make fast money if u can work hard. As i was on the bus on my way to Ilesa i was comparing in my mind's eyes between Chioma and Juliet which was a picture perfect dream girl for me. Chioma is a paragon of beauty, well endowed with "Manchester united" but she lacked "Arsenal". Juliet on the other hand has "Arsenal" but lacked "Manchester united", Just then, my mind's eyes saw Lola; the corper in my school, she is endowed with both "Manchester" and "Arsenal" or i would rather say "Bothon wanderers"

She's endowed upstairs and downstairs. I know you'd try to climb her staircase. @hormortiyor @sommyangel @vivian8 @mercy1 @oluwaferanmi New epi.

Observing

hmmmmmm, go for both

okay o if u say so

Hmmmmmm...

good, next

thanks @froshberry-2

Flow Flow easy with those babes oh

Hmmm...bad barrack boy (BBB) plz wat is ''Manchester United'' and ''Arsenal'' in dis context?

Boton wandarers hahaha uno wel o

hmmmm

Next oooo you go fix cope like this

Hmmmm Nawa o

Leeme B Lukin U

Go 4 three of dem nw

Eeeeiii Br.Flow take it easy ooo

lol abi nah

Hmmm...observing thingS

You're welcome. :mail: @oluwaferanmi

Lolz... Next'.

Episode 7 I got to the hostel after the tiring journey by 6pm, meanwhile i met Sammy, Angom & Kelvin at home and i was told Ilorin was on his way from ilorin. I opened my dusty room, kept my bags and properties, looked around and concluded i wouldn't sleep there tonight because rat sh*it was everywhere, "rat don play champions league for this room as i no dey oh" i said while locking the door and heading for Angom's room where i would pass the nite. As i entered his room Angom said "e get wetin i wan show u flow" "na wetin be that" i queried when i saw him bringing out a polythene bag full of something, "wetin be dis" i asked, "na weed na, a.k.a ituara" he said as i instantly smiled, "bad benue boy! So u bring weed all d way from benue" i said. "we get am plenty for our farm na" he said while bring out r*itzler. As we smoked Angom told me that the landlady of the house; an old woman of about 80 stays directly opposite my room, that she wasn't around the last time we came that was why we didn't see her. I went to greet the old woman who i learn't was called "Mama Alhaja" because she was a moslem. As i came to continue smoking, i noticed i was famished so i suggested "make we cook indomie with weed na, i bring indomie oh" "no wahala, bring am, me sef dey hungry" Angom said. I brought the indomie, he started cooked it garnishing it with some eggs and of course weed, while the food was almost done, ilorin arrived, Sammy and Kelvin also came in one after the other complaining that they were hungry. "make una no worry, the indomie go reach all of us" i said while helping Ilorin bring his belongings to his room. Soon the indomie was done and we all started eating, as we were half way through the first plate i suddenly remembered that Sammy and Kelvin doesn't smoke weed and they were eating a food prepared with weed, just then Ilorin look at me and i winked at him not to say a word as it was too late, i just wanted to see the drama unfold. "me and Sammy enta sch today oh, d principal say all of us must report for sch tomorrow" Kelvin said "no wahala, we go show for sch na, thank God say all of us don come back" i assured. Just then, Sammy said "wetin una use cook dis indomie, e sweat oh" "na the new indomie wey dey reign now, the indomie company just produce am, e just dey enta market, u never see am?" i lied "i never see am oh" Sammy said. "but why all dis tin wey b like leaf come dey am na?" Kelvin asked, "na so d company do am oh" Angom lied. We finished first plate, as we were "downing" the second plate, i saw Sammy's eyes closing, i looked at Kelvin, same thing. Sammy droped his spoon and fell to bed like a plywood, Kelvin followed saying, "my belle dön full abeg" "ur belle never full, na u head don full" i said in my mind. As we entered the third plate Ilorin droped his spoon also saying "una know say i just dey come from journey, i don tayah, make i sleep" "na lie ur liver don fail u" i said as he smiled at me and slept ön the floor. We entered the fourth plate and i said "u dis benue boy, u no wan give up abi, u think say ur brain strong pass my own abi" "my brian ströng pass ur own na, u get brain" Angom said. I ate five spoons from the fourth plate when suddenly........ Light out That night i had a terrible dream, i dreamt me and Juliet were sailing on a ship together to an unknowm destination when suddenly the ship started capsizing, Juliet couldn't swim so i tried my best to drag her along with all my strength as i swam to the shores of the mighty ocean, a whale was swiming right behind us trying to get us and eat us for lunch. I swam faster and faster to the shore, but it seems as if the more i swam, the farther the shore was. And final we got to the shore, i was very happy we reached on time before the whale got us. "u saved my life" Juliet said with great relief "my love, thank God that big whale didn't get us" i said as i was breathing out faster. I cuddled juliet r*omantically, my lips was longing to k*iss her. We kissed and................ "Sammy why u wake me like dat na, na now wey i wan do d main tin nahim u go wake me, u be bad belle oh" i cursed in a low voice after been waken by Sammy, "u be mumu, u just dey k*iss Agom n*yash since" Sammy said and laughed loudly at me, as i instantly looked to the spot i slept, i noticed i slept directly facing Agom's a*ss, "nyamah!! na true oh" i said feeling iritated. "Abeg make all of una wake up make we dey go sch, we don late" Sammy shouted. Immediately he said that i glanced at the wall clock it was past 8. Me, Angom and Ilorin got to the sch rather late, as the students where about entering their classroom after the morning assembly, we did a short meeting with the principal as he told us to start teaching the student as classes as started since two days ago. I noticed the sexy* Lola was puting on a mini skirt revealing her hot legs, in my mind i said "make any of this my guys go for this girl, Agom fit try him luck, me i no dey insterested na me and my Juliet for life" my eyes went straight to the other female corper; Suliat and i said to myself "dis one no even fine, and she dey cover body like alhaja, she fit don marry oh". Classes started and i had Chemistry first period. "wetin i wan go teach now, i no sabi Chemistry oh" i said to myself as i glanced through the previous section's sylabus. Soon i was in class, after the students greeted i told them "my name is corper Ugo, i would like to know ur names". They said their names one after another, when it got to the turn of this fair goddess; Kehinde i couldn't help but admire her; she was a non-identical twin, her twin brother Taiwo was seating in front. I told them i would treat "CARBON AND IT'S COMPOUND" with them, i did the introduction to the topic before the bell rang for change of lesson. "any question?" i asked.......... That was the begining of my sorrows for that day............ Deji a "short black boy" raised his hands, "yes! Deji, ask ur question" i said. He stood up and signaled me to come see something in his book. "our last teacher couldn't give us the structural formula for DIMETYL PROP -1 ENE, so sir i would like u to give us the formula, and explain?" he asked. "i don die be dat oh, dimetyl prop-1 ene, shey na french b dat abi na yoruba, see dis over sabi boy wan put me for trouble oh, na y i say i hate chemistry, because of all dis structural rubbish" i almost said out to his hearing. Just den i saw Agom at the door waiting to come in and take them second period, i used that as an excuse and said "u see ehn Deji, ur Biology Teacher is waiting, let us not keep him outside ok, i will give u the answer in d next class ok". Next Class indeed.......... Next class i was sure would never come.. I got to the small office the sch had reserved for corpers thinking deeply with a gloomy face. My seat was beside that of Lola, just by d wall. I was praying in my mind for the subject chemistry to be taken away from me and given to someone else, when the principal walked in and said, "hey corpers hope u are enjoying the sch?" "enjoy wetin, me wey dey suffer here, u dey say enjoy" i said to myself. "well they is some changes now, corper Lola would b taking English and not literature, while corper Ugo would leave chemistry and take only physics because we have a new chemistry teacher, all the rest remains with their various subjects ok" the principal said while taking his leave. "thank God oh, so God u dey answer prayer fast fast like dis" i said to myself with a smile in my face. I got home, hurried to the bank, withdrew some cash and went to the market to buy somethings to beautify my house with, things like: a tv set, a dvd, a speaker, a rug, a curtain, stove e.t.c. My room was very beautiful, atleast more beautiful than the rooms of other boys. After i finished arranging my room, i arranged my foodstuff, ready to cook myself lunch when i noticed i had no salt. I went to a mini-supermarket just close to our compound to get the salt. As i entered the mini-supermarket what i say made me dumb. "what do u want to buy?" "what do u want, or are u dumb?" dis very angelic beauty that looks more like Genevive Nnaji of nollywood asked. "salt" i said, as she was bringing the salt i said again "sorry i meant sugar not salt" forgeting what i wanted to buy, she brought sugar and i said yet again "am very sorry its salt i actually want" "are u ok?" she asked "no...... ehn sorry yes" i answered with cönfussiön. "my name is Flow, u are?" i asked as she told me her name was Dami "Dami, i said sugar mistakenly because u are as sweet as sugar, even sweeter" i lied. "thank u" she said smiling. She gave me the salt, i paid and went home feeling happier than i came. In sch i was discussing with my guys next day "flow eeeh, as i enter class, i ask dem my students where the last teacher stop wit dem, naso one girl come stand up con say REPRODUCTION oh" Agom said. I laughed uncontrollably saying "no be u be their biology teacher, u go teach her reproduction na, theory for sch and practical for house, abi no be so?" "na so na" ilorin responded as we continued laughing at Angom. I got home, took a nap and woke up by 6pm. I entered Sammy's room, i saw him playing Chess with Kelvin. "correct men dem, so una sabi play chess?" i asked what was obvious, "yes oh u sabi play am?" Kelvin asked. "i be baba for chess na" i said while taking my seat. I noticed Sammy played better as the attacked Kelvin with his queen flying to different angles of the board trying to devour all Kelvin's officers. "i dey set oh" i said "no wahala, just ready i go soon win am" sammy said. Soon it was my set, i gave sammy a hard time as we played till late in the nite. They took the light, yet we continued playing with a candle light. We were playing happily not knowing what trouble would befall us that night. We played, and my brain was geting heavy, i couldn't think any more, when suddenly we heard a big b*ang on our gate. . . . . . . . . "who be that" i said.

who be DAT????

Hu b dat

is it ur landlady or who they come visit new corper in town

hope no be thief

na thief

Indeed,dis is interesting i love it especialy d lng episode,dare writer weldone

Who's that?

U beta feed am pax oh

And who could be tht

observing

Who cud dat be??? I hope its nt wat am tinking?

Episode 8 The b*ang still continued, louder this time, a big noise was heard, it was as if our gate had been brought down, soon the b*ang continued but this time closer and louder as i heard footsteps walking to the direction of Sammy's door; which was the first door by the right. They almost distroyed Sammy's worn out door shouting "open this down!!" without ceasing. I had concluded they were robbers as i was f*arting none stop due to fear, "go open the door na" i said to Sammy "you why u no go open am, u no wan die abi?" he said "no be ur house, na u suppose open am na" i said as i could now feel my legs fidgety. Sammy finally opened the door, and lo and behold the "men in black" came in. "so una no wan open d door abi?" öne of them shouted "i wan open am oh, dis mumu nahim no gree me open am" i lied pointing to sammy. "ok wey una phone and una money" another one said giving me a hot slap on my head, that made my eyes spin instantly. Without thinking straight i said, "bros una welcome oh, my phone dey here oh, but i no get money, no be my room be this" "what of u?" öne of them said hiting Sammy with the bottom of his g*un. "bros him don hide him own under bed" i said before realizing the magnitute of what i just said. "i don f*uck my guy up oh" i regreted immediately. Sammy brought out his blackberry phone where he hide it under the bed. They beat him to stupor, as i saw blood coming out from his mouth. "yeeeh! make dem no kill am oh, but why i no keep my mouth shut na" i said to myself lying facing the floor. I was hearing beating from Agom's room and Kelvin's room too. I was thinking if i should die dat night, that is sure not the best way to die "imagine say dem write OBITUARY: he died after been beaten to stupor by robbers" "God forbid! e no fit happen" i assured myself. I heard the noises from Angom's room even louder, "so some of dem even dey Angom and Kelvin room, dem plenty be that, but corpers no dey get money, why dem come, wen dem know say we no get money?" i asked myself a stupid question. I was still lost in my tots when one of the robbers draged me up and shouted "carry us go Mama alhaja room I was draged like a "christmas goat" to Mama alhaja's room. As Ojiga; the old woman's stuborn teenage grandson opened the door, i saw Mama alhaja already lying on the floor pleading. Mama cried and pleaded saying "ejor oh, boda ejor oh". My jittery boby paused in astonishment when the robbers asked "where d dollars dey?" "which dollars? Here resemble yanky?" I almost said to their hearing. I had Mama Alhaja let out a big audible f*art, "see dis woman oh, c d kin big me*ss wey she dey m*ess" i tot. After some hot slaps and beating, Ojiga went in and brought a bag, "so dis woman get dollars?" i said to myself as one of them pointed a gun at me asking "who be dis?" "i be Flow, who u be? Abi u think say i dey fear gun, u no know say i b barrack boy, and i don c g*un tayah for barrack" i cursed in my mind "i dey come make i carry d mumu go collect phone and money for the remaining rooms wey we never enter" one of the robbers told his "colleagues" while giving me another hot tap on my head, making my eyes spin again, this time anticlockwise. Me and my "newly found friend" where out in no time as he said "who get dis room" he pointed at my room "na my own, nothing dey am, i don give una my phone na" i cried out. "who get this one?" he inquired pointing at Ilorin's room. Just then i remembered there was a person by that name, "where Ilorin come go na, but him dey cook here that time wey we dey play chess na" i said to myself. "bros the guy wey get this room dey around, na him dey cook dis food sef" i reponded pointing to a pot of rice on the stove. "d boy get money abi?" the robber asked with a tap on my head yet again, my eyes almost fell out from the socket. "Bros make we go for toilet side, him fit dey there" i suggested as he draged me making my boxer's shot tear. I was almost na*ked, as we approached the toilet i shouted "Ilorin! Baba Ilorin!! where u dey?" "flow i dey here" he shouted back from inside. We opened the toilet door and the robber said "so u think say u be sharp man abi, u come hide here abi?" "i no b sharp man oh, i no well, my belle don spoil, i dey purge" Ilorin said "Haba!! Oga no mind am oh, him well oh" i said what i regreted saying.. I tried to sleep that nite but couldn't, soon it would be morning and i haven't winked a sleep. As i lay on my bed i recalled that this same incident took my room mate's life in my university days. Mike was stuborn. Robbers came to our room and he refused giving them his laptop, claiming he was a "bagga" and that he can't be submisive to "ordinary" robbers. The robbers wasn't ordinary, they were with g*uns. I was a "bagga" also but i took the wise decision and did whatever they commanded. They shot Mike on his chest point blank, we tried to rush him to the hospital but we couldn't get a cab quickly because it was very late at nite. "Aro Mikoh" as he was fondly called gave up the ghost. Since Aro Miroh died i have been seeing him in my dreams because he was not önly my "fratanal brother" but was the "blood brother" i never had. After he died we heard rumours that he had a quarel with a "" guy who promised to deal with him seriously. Since then i feared robbers so much, i just don't know why. Now see what my fears has caused me. Just then i remembered my phone was gone, my SIM was gone too. "how i go take get my contacts back now?" i asked myself. "Juliet, her number don go b dat, and i tell her say i go call her for mid-nite call this nite" i said to myself as i tried to catch some sleep..Weeks later, Lola had become very close to me, Dami; the girl at the mini-supermarket had been in my dreams lately. I Went to Juliet's school to see her and told her i lost my phone that was why i haven't called. I assured her i had recovered my SIM. Chioma called me, and told me she would come from Ife; where she was serving to visit me someday "why are so many women my life?" i asked myself as i entered to teach SS3 Physics one hot afternoon. "last class we treated PROJECTILE calculations, so can anybody solve this question?" i asked writing a question on the board. "yes, Taiwo come and try, i said pointing to Taiwo in front. Taiwo came to the chalk board and wrote what looked like he was writing Chinese. The whole class laughed as i noticed Kehinde, his twin sister just smiled revealing her beautiful dimple. "yes, Kehinde come and help him out" i said pointing to the beautiful Kehinde. She came and said "sir i don't know it" "you don't know it?" i inquired "yes sir, sir i want to show u something after the class" she whispered only to my hearing. The class was over and as i was walking to the corpers office, somebody was calling me from behind. I turned and it was the fair goddess Kehinde, "ehen, kehinde u wanted to show me something, what is it?" i asked. She opened her notebook and said "sir i don't understand all dis calculations, i would like to come to ur house this evening for u to teach me, since my house is very close to ur house" she said. "ok Kehinde if u so wish, then come by 6pm" i said as i walked slowly pass her. 6pm, she came gorgeously dressed with a mini skirt and i taught her not only the calculations but the whole topic, she understood it perfectly. As i was teaching her, i glanced at her well arranged b*reast from time to time, this made my cor*k stood in reponse to the hor*ney feelings i was feeling. My co*rk stood harder, this time she saw it making a "mountain" in my boxer's short. She was longing for what would happen next. "flow today na ur day" i said to myself as i f*ondled her b*reast, i removed her shirt revealing the finest bre*ast i have ever seen. "see b*ooby oh, flow see cowbell milk oh" i said to myself. My right hands fon*dled her succulent bre*ast while my left hands was searching for a con*dom in my wallet that was on the floor. My left hand searched and searched to no avail.............. "d cond*om wey dey my wallet who take am?" i asked myself "and i no dey like do without oh, but she fit b vi*rgin oh, because she still b small pekin oh" i taught not with my brain but with my d*ick. While trying to insert because i was longing for the game to start though i knew that at that moment i couldn't run out to get a con*dom as time was runing out on me.................. "yekpa, dis girl na VIRGIN"

hmmmmm, i pity you

make he dey flow go

U don become father dat o!

hmmm. Next

I pity your future

Hmmmm... Flow wanna sample Kehinde.

following

Hmmmm...observing

hmmm ur life

Hmmmm....u fuckup oooo...why u do am na? With dis small girl, wey u de teach?

You don enta am be dat oh...I pity you oh. please continue

Episode 9 I was coming back from sch one hot afternoon with my guys, all five of us where arguing football at the top of our voices. "forget na Chelsea go carry this premier league" Agom, a Chelsea fan said, "abeg una dey five points below Man u, u dey say una go carry am, na for una dream abi" i said supporting my team. "we get one outstanding match na" Sammy, a Chelsea fan said. "shebi una go play us today for old Tranford, we go see how una go win us na" Ilorin, a Man u fan added as Kelvin listened keenly to our Argument because he wasn't a football fan. From football, Ilorin was telling a story of how he hussled in the streets of Ilorin; the Kwara state capital. He told us he schooled at Uni. Ilorin. He also said when he graduated from sch in 2005, he had spill-over in some courses, so instead of staying at home doing noting he opted for the job of a "motor park tout" (Agbero). He did the job for two years and was soon gaining popularity as the most dreaded Agbero, so that was how he got the name "Baba Ilorin or Ilorin for short". "so u be Agbero before, nahim robbers come our house dat day u go hide for toilet, come dey lie say u dey purge eehn" i said "oooh, u want make i die ni" Ilorin responded and the others laughed. Just then, i tot i heard someone calling Flow!!! or was it that headache now calls one's name out? because i was having a serious headache. "see that babe dey call u oh" Agom said pointing. I turned, and lo and behold it was the Genevive Nnaji look-alike Dami. I left my guys and ran to meet her behind. I complimented her beauty, saying "Dami, where were u when Agbani Darego won Miss World? U would have given her a serious challenge". She laughed and replied saying "Flow, where were u when Basket Mouth did Nite of a thousand laugh? U would have given him a serious challenge". We talked as we walked slowly like "two love birds". I asked her to pls go on a date with me the next day, she reluctantly aggreed. As i got close to the gate of my copound, i pointed at it, telling her i stay there as she told me that her house was down the street. 7pm was the time, tommorow was the day, Captain Cook was the venue of a date that would lead to so many things.. I was getting ready for the date when Ilorin came into my room. "ehen! Ilorin borrow me that ur fine jeans na" i said "where u dey go wey u dey prepare like dis?" he asked a stupid question, "e concern u?" i fired back at him, "u b my man na, so anything wey concern u, concern me sef" he said. "ok Ilorin, i dey work for farm, and i go use that ur jeans do d farm work" i fired at him yet again. "u go give me, abi u no go give me?" i asked. I was in Captain Cook by 6pm in a table just close to the window, for me to have a panoramic view of the city of ilesa at nite. Just then i moved my eyes to see what was written on my red T-shirt "AM A WINNER" "am i really a winner?" i asked myself. "yes am a winner, but if i don't win Dami, i would be the opposite of winner" i told myself. Just then i saw someone coming to my direction, at first i tot it was someone else, but when she smiled i realized it was my "black goddess" Dami. We talked about alot of things we had in common, things like; the fact that Dami served in Imo state infact my LGA. She told me she was an Ilesa indigene and that she finishing serving last year, since she hadn't gotten a job, she had to just stay and help her mum in the supermarket. I confessed my love for her, going straight to the point i told her i wanted her to be my girlfriend. Then I had ..........GOAL, from a football viewing centre close by. "thats must be my team Man u that just scored " i said "ooh u are a Man u fan, i am a Man u fan too" Dami said "that makes the two of us" i said as she smiled "women dey watch ball?" i asked myself. I was in my compound after the romantic date, but the gate was locked from inside. "so this Mama Alhaja dey fear like dis, she no wan make robbers come rob again, no be because her son for yanky send her dollars wey she go keep for house make dem rob us? time na just 8:20 and she don lock gate" i tot. Just then i brought out my phone to call Kelvin because i knew he would be inside, because he doesn't watch football. Kelvin came to open the gate and.......... "i tell u say, una no sabi play" i heard Agom's voice from behind arguing. "who win?" i asked curiously, "we beat una 2-1 for una home na" Sammy said cheerfully. "na because Roney get injury na" i said as we all walked in. Weeks later and i haven't gotten a positive reponse from Dami. I was in the class teaching SS3 Physics as usual when i noticed Kehinde was lying on her desk sleeping. "what is wrong with her?" i asked the class, "she is not feeling fine" the class chorused. I came to where she was seating, i taped her softly, she raised her head up and said "sir am not feeling fine" on hearing this i told them to take her to the sick bay. "abi i don give dis girl belle" "but i think say she tell me say she go collect one liquid from her friend drink so belle no go come na" "so na like dis my service year end" "i go marry Yoruba girl wey i no plan to marry" "y i no use c*ondom dat day" "Kehinde papa and mama go use Yoruba juj*u kill me" "i don die b dat oh" all these tots where runing in my brain, almost tearing my head apart. I wasn't myself, throughout that day and even the next morning when.................... I saw Kehinde's Mother entering the sch compound with a frown on her face. I tot of jumping through the window of the class i was teaching, also jumping the fence of the sch, get home, pack my bags and leave Ilesa, for my own good. "my daughter has Malaria, she is in the hospital" kehinde's mum said to the principal. As i eavesdroped from the principal's window my mind was now calm. "i think say kasala don burst oh" "God i thank u oh" i said as my lost breath came back. As i tip-toed "wetin u go do there na?" Angom asked as he scared the living day light out out of me. "i go p*iss" i answered breathing fast, "but why u no use toilet na?" he asked again, "i no dey like to dey p*iss for toilet" i lied. As we walked home from sch dat day, Angom and Kelvin was behind speaking their language TIV, "this una language be like Chinese oh" i teased "u dey mad, when u and Sammy dey speak ibo, shey we dey talk" Angom said. "ehen Angom i don c say na u dey arrange that babe Lola now, u dey chop better tin oh" i teased "flow i dey chop better tin i no go lie, she dey give me money, her papa na big man, but she too dey scatter my head with phoney and big grama any time we dey talk" Angom said "how na?" Sammy asked. "u know all dis ajebutter dem sabi phoney and big grama na, and to come make d whole tin worst, she graduate with first class for english, d other day she talk one grama; AB INITIO, guy i no come know wetin ab initio mean, abi she mean say i resemble albino?" Angom said as we laughed all the way home.......

Flow just dey watch yourself oooo

lol ride on

Lol

continue

Next o

lolz resemble albino? seriously? please continue oh

Kontinue

Hahaha

Continue

Kontinue

Next

Episode 10 As i got close to entering my room, my room was already open. Immediately, i saw that my stove was on, with something cooking. I instantly remembered Juliet had called me on phone earlier telling me she would drop by, and i also remembered me telling her to take my key under my foot-mat in front of my door. "Ju Ju, Juliet my love" i said in a sonorous voice. I kissed her passionately. "what have u been doing is sch?" she inquired. "we were doing extra lessons, dats y i came late" i responded. Just then, i persieved the aroma of the vegetable soup she was preparing, an aroma that made my stomach start singing in response. "nahim make me like Juliet, she sabi cook" i tot as she said "ur garri is finished oh" "ok, let me go and buy garri, am very hungry" i said as i walked out. I went to Dami's shop of course. I saw Dami, alone reading a novel, i asked if she had given what we discussed a tot. She told me she would come to my house to give me a response by nite. She measured the garri for me, i paid and as i was about leaving she said "Flow i have something for u" she went in, came out and handed a polythene bag to me. I never bothered opening the polythene bag until i was about half way home. I opened it, and lo and behold: tin Milo, tin Peak milk, several sachets of detergents and tin tomatoes where smiling at me as i smiled back. With my garri on my right hand and Dami's gift on on my left hand i walked home happily. I got home and Juliet attacked "where did u get all these from, i tot u went to buy only garri?" i tot of the lie to coin for a while and i said "i bought them in the morning while going to sch, so i left them at the place i bought them telling dem i would come and collect them this evening". I ate Juliet's delicious meal. Juliet told me she would pass the nite in my house, since the next day was saturday and she wouldn't be going to sch. "which kin wahala b dis na, and Dami say she go come my house come give me response" "wetin i go do now?" i asked no one else but Myself I made passionate love to Juliet althrough the nite as i looked from time to time at my closed door to see if i would just hear a knock that would ruin my Life. I heard a knock, i almost fainted. Juliet went to open the door, it was'nt Dami but Kelvin who came to collect matches to light his stove to cook, he was talented in "noctunal cooking". Thoughout the weekend i never heard anything from Dami. Soon it was monday. I woke up, said a little prayer, did some push ups, put on my Dvd to play my morning anthem; "better days by tupac". As the song came blasting from my "small but mighty" speakers, i stared at the big Tupac wallpaper on my wall saying "e no go better for pesin wey kill tupac oh". I took my bath, tried to make a choice of cloth i would wear to sch. "e go better for Juliet oh, see as she help me wash all my cloth, na wetin i like her for b dat, but d tin i no like her for b say she too dey demand money, c as she collect 4k from my hand as she dey go her house" i tot. I got to the sch and.............. "flow, principal wan see u for him office oh" Kelvin said. "but wetin i do na?" i tot as i took calculated steps to the principal's office. Corper Ugo, i found out that amongst all the corpers, u are the only one taking only one class; which is SS3A, and since we want a corper that would anchor the morning assembly, the management has selected you for the job" the old principal said, "no problem sir, i would do my best" i assured. Before i left the principal's office i collected our clearance letter for January, which all of us where to submit at our weekly CDS meeting at the secretariat. As i was thinking how i would perform the task the principal just gave me excellently, i heard "have u seen SAWMY" it was Lola asking me what i couldn't hear well, and i said "eehn, u said?", "i said, have u seen SAWMY" she said again "oooh SAMMY ehn" i said realizing it was SAMMY she was pronouncing as SAWMY. "yeah" she said nodding her head. "Sammy is under the tree discussing with Suliat" i said pointing at where Sammy and Suliat sat. "see Oyibo rekpete oh, so na Sammy nahim don turn to Sawmy, i wonder how Angom take dey hear wetin dis girl dey talk when two of them dey talk, if na me be Angom ehn, me and dis girl go dey quarel well well oh, and i almost toast the babe oh" i tot. As Lola catwalked to where Sammy and Suliet was seated, "wait oh!! Sammy don dey near this Suliat babe dis days oh, abi him wan chyke am, ibo man wey dey chyke alhaja ehn" "wetin Sammy see for that worwor Suliat babe sef?" i asked myself. "well, like they say: beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" i tot. As i was returning from sch dat day, i stoped by Dami's Shop but i didn't see her, instead i saw her mum, "Abi, she no like me and she no know how she go take tell me" "Abi, she don travel" all these clouded my head as i walked silently with my guys home. I was in the backyard smoking when i heard a knock at my door. "Angom, i don tell u say i no go give u dat my shoe, u still dey come knock my door, abi u dey mad" i cursed thinking it was Angom. The person continued knocking, it was then i realized it wasn't Angom so i rushed to see who it was. I tot i was dreaming, it was Dami, the pretty Dami. "what were u doing behind that u couldn't hear me knock" she asked "i was sweeping" i fired the bigest lie of the century. "come in, u are welcome to my humble cubicle abode" i said ushering her in. As she passed me i could smell the fragnance of her cologne, which made my head spin. "u see Dami, i love u so much, i would place no one above u if u give me ur love, i promise not to break ur heart" i said as if i was singing a song. "u see Flow, i care about u too, i wanted to take out more time to think before i made a decision thats why i didn't come as promised, but one thing u should know is that if we start a relationship, it shouldn't end with ur service year, and i don't share my man, the day i catch u wit another girl ehn........." she paused "i don't have any girl in my life except u" i said another lie of the century. We talked and talked until it was getting dark, she told me her mum would be looking for her by now, so she left. Immediately she left PHCN brought light, as i stared at my red bub, i said to myself "Dami is sure the light to my world". I put on my musical system and i played "tupac- do for love" all through till i slept of. As i slept, i dreamt i was chased with a matchete by Juliet, as i ran for my dear life, i saw Dami runing to my direction with a big Gun. I didn't know where to run to, and suddenly i heard............... "GBOOOOM, a gun was fired, i tot i saw the bullet drill a hole in my chest. I woke up breathing like i just ran 100m race with my opponent as Usain bolt, i put on my torch light to lighten the dark room and............... I saw my pot of soup poured on the floor..

Continue o

Oyah next

next

continue

Flow!!!...lolz

Hmmm, u don enter be dat!

Is a sign of carefulness

Kkkkkkkk u kicked your pot n u thought it was a gun shot

Oh

lol you get luck oøo

Hehehe...lolx ... Flow oooo Flow

interesting

Hmmmm... Flow, you gat my flow?

Episode 11 Rats!!!...............two big rats ran out of my cupboard, there were as big as a cat. "so na rat nahim wake me from that bad dream?" i asked myself as i grabed my broom ready for battle. I struck the cupboard and they ran out, i struck again at them, missing, they ran fast to hide close to my bed. I saw them climbing the wall as i struck again hiting the one behind making it fall on my head, as it fell on my head, i couldn't help but "speak in tongues" in a loud voice. I lèft my door open for them to run out but they didn't. The one i struck at didn't die but ran back to the cupboard. Now with the two rats in different hiding places, i decided to go after the one at the cupboard. I struck at the cupboard again making the rat run out to my direction, as i felt it touch my legs, i "spoke in tongues" again adding "Swahili" this time. I fell like an "iroko tree" making an "earthquaking" effect on the floor. "wetin dey happen there, Flow u dey ok?" Ilorin asked from his room, "i dey ok oh" i lied. "abi dem send this two rat to come kill me, dem fit b winch oh?" i asked myself as i stood up heading to the direction of the one on the wall; hiding behind my curtain. I struck and it ran to join the other one at the cupboard, i ran after it with fury not knowing that i had steped on the "okro" soup on the floor. I sliped off dancing "Micheal Jackson break dance" and.................. Gbam! i fell like a "bag of beans". "make una come help me oh, i don die oh!!" i shouted at the top of my voice as i saw the two rats ran out of the open door Alah wakubar!!! Alah wakubar!!! That was the mosque close to our house calling for prayer; that has been my wake up alarm for a while now. With soup all over my body, i stood up from my rug where i slept. Now i could feel my head ache. I cleaned up the mess in my room, took my bath and as i was putting on my cloth, my eyes was admiring the beautiful girl in the coca-cola calender that hung on my wall. "wetin be today's date sef" i said as i drew nearer to the calender................ "oboy oh today na February 13, tommorow na valentine". I said as my face went gloomy. "Government never pay us alawi, money wey i get for bank don finish, and Juliet go want make i buy something for her dis valentine, wetin i go do na?" i tot as i walked alone to sch. I got to sch early and met only few students, i used the opportunity to complete my lesson note. As i was writing my lesson note, someone taped me from behind. I turned to see Kehinde, "are u feeling better now?" i asked "yes sir" she said. "ehn sir, i would like to come to your house for you to teach me velocity calculations, since our WAEC would soon start and i don't understand anything on velocity" Kehinde said, "ehn u see ehn Kehinde i would not be around, i would be going to Church this evening" i said a BIG fat lie. The students finished resiting the national anthem and the pledge, so it was time for me to give them a word of advice. "u see students its not good to b bad boys and girls, obey ur parents, don't join bad gangs, for the boys; don't smoke" immediately i said "don't smoke", i saw Angom laughing behind. "ur papa there, Angom u no dey smoke, na only me?" i tot. That day, the sch paid us the 4k they usually give all corpers every mönth as a token of appreciation. I was very happy. "so i go fit take Juliet out tommorow b dat, make i call her tell her make she come sef" i said to myself as i walked home with my guys. Juliet came that evening as expected. She cooked, we ate and as we were about to do the "thing" i realized i had no C*ondom. I rushed out to get a c*ondom. I couldn't tell the kind of "bad breeze" that blew me to Dami's shop, instead of me to go buy it somewhere else. Lucky enough i didn't met her there but her mum. "i want to buy Con............ as i was about to add "dom" i saw Dami entered, so instead of "dom" i added "flakes" making it "CONFLAKES"... I sadly paid for the cornflakes and left. With the cornflakes in my hands, i walked down the street in search of C*ondom, all the shops i went to had closed for the day, so i was left with no choice but to walk back home. "Angom u get c*ondom?" i asked as i entered Angom's room, "wetin u wan take am do?" Angom asked the most silly question i have ever heard "i wan take am cook soup" i answered. "if u get, give me abeg no dey ask mumu question" i said "i no get, go ask Ilorin" he said angrily. "what are u doing with cornflakes?" Juliet asked as i tried to figure out a lie to say "i bought it for a student that scored the highest in my C/A test" i lied. I made love to Juliet with the C*ondom i collected from Ilorin. "i no dey enjoy this babe again, she no dey sweet again, i know say Dami go sweet pass" "no be say i no like Juliet again oh, but the thing be say if person chop Okro soup everyday, e go like wan chop Egusi soup na" i tot as i lay on my bed n*aked Juliet left very early in the morning, so as to go prepare for sch. As she was about leaving i saw from the corner of my eyes that she collected money from my wallet. I woke up after she left, checked my wallet to see that she actually collected 2k. "dis Juliet no go kill me oh, she too like money, c as Dami dey dash me things, Juliet own na to dey dry me" i tot as i prepared for sch. As i steped out of our compound, i saw Ojiga; Mama alhaja's grandson came out of a Honda car. "corper ba wóni?" he greeted "mò wápa" i responded in Yoruba as we shook hands. The car dat droped him zoomed off raising dust everywhere. "c dis small boy dey flex the whole Ilesa oh, him mate dey sec sch oh, where him dey c d money wey him dey spend sef" i tot as i walked the lonely part that leads to the sch. I arrived the sch, entered the corpers office to meet Lola who also came early because she was now in charge of inspecting the class-rooms to see if they were slept well every morning. "good morning Miss Lola" i said with a big smile "good morning Ugochukwu" she said "wow!! its been long i heard someone called me by that name" i said as i looked straight to her charming eyes. "Are u in any way related to Tyra Banks?" i asked "no" she responded "because with this red dress u are putting on, u remind me of Tyra Banks, infact Tyra Banks beauty is 98% while yours is 100%" i flattered. "eewh!! Ugo u have ur way with words of flattery, thats why i like u" she said giggling "no like me oh, i have my way with words of flattery because i graduate with first class for university of chyking women, but dem no teach me with dis ur type of phoney oh" i said in my mind

Hmmm Bad Boy

Yeye boy

Kai, flow no go kill me

lol

Flow baba, carry go!

Yeye boi cho

flow flow see as you dey flow like you be Rapper

Chai....

Hehehehe...Flow go kill me ooo

Episode 12 As i walked home from sch with my guys, i saw this beautiful blue gown in a boutique, "Sammy, how u see that gown?" i asked "e make sense oh, u wan buy am for ur girl?" Sammy asked "yes oh, but if e cost i no go buy am" i said "Flow u get money to buy something for babe, me na my babe Lola buy this watch for me for Valentine" Angom said showing me his fine rolex wrist watch, "ur babe papa get money na" i added. "I dey hungry oh, who get food for house" Kelvin the glutton said "how u no go hungry, na food full this ur big belle" i teased. "kelvin no mind am, me sef dey hungry" Ilorin said, "as nobody cook for house, make we enter Iya Ruka canteen go eat na, i go pay for everything" Angom assured. We entered the canteen to eat "Iya Ruka u get fufu?" Sammy asked, "i no get oh, na Amala and ewedu dey" she said, "so as na only Amala and ewedu dey, make we dey go na" i said, "Flow make we stay, u no know say Amala and Ewedu dey sweet" Ilorin said "how e no go sweet for u, no b Yoruba boy u be, me i never chop Amala and Ewedu since dem born me oh, Angom what of u?" i asked Angom "we dey chop Amala for benue na, abi Kelvin?" Angom asked Kelvin "Amala dey plenty for Benue na" Kelvin replied. "Sammy erièlá Amala mbú" i asked Sammy in Ibo, "éribém yà oh" Sammy responded. With me and Sammy as the only first timers in the "Amala and Ewedu" show, we ate on. I couldn't help but close my eyes as i ate, as if i was eating poo. I took a glance at Sammy from time to time noticing his face onlike mine was not like he was eating poo, but his face was poo itself. "well, there is always a first time" i assured myself as i ate on. "ehen, guys today na my birthday oh" Kelvin said "eheeen, today na ur birthday nahim u no tell us since" i said "yes i dey tell una now because i been think say i no go celebrate am because money no dey my hand for morning time, but now i don collect my money for one teacher for sch wey borrow money for my hand" Kelvin added. "so na where e go be dis evening na?" Angom asked Kelvin. "na for Alejo l'owo joint we go shayoh na" Kelvin said. We finished eating and as we came out of the canteen, i told my guy i wanted to go buy dat gown i saw, dat they should go home without me. I headed to the boutique not knowing the "wahala" that was waiting in the boutique for me.. I got to the boutique, stared for a while at the beautiful gown, and then walked in. As i walked in, i was shocked when i saw Dami to the extent that the book i held in my hands fell. "hello!! My princess, how do u do?" i said as i quickly picked up my books from the floor, "am fine, what did u come to do in a female boutique?" Dami asked as i searched for the best lie in my "brain-box of lies". "ehn! ehn! ehn, i came to see if they sell Male Perfumes here" i lied "do u sell perfumes?" Dami asked the boutique attendance "no we don't" the attendance responded. I discussed with Dami as she selected some clothes, asking me if they were beautiful on her. I told her all the clothes were beautiful on her, even though some of them made her look like a clown. "thank God say this girl no say make i pay for this clothes wey she buy oh" "she no fit talk like dat sef", "mehn!! see as this girl don make me no buy that cloth for Juliet again" "wetin i go tell Juliet say i buy for her this valentine sef, abeg i no get money jor, i go switch off my phone so she no go fit call me throughout today, abi na must say person go must do valentine" i tot of all these as i walked with Dami. "when would u pay me a visit?" i asked Dami "i dunno, u know am always at my mum's shop, ok lets say tommorow evening" she promised. Dami reached her mum's shop and i was left alone walking home. Just then, i could feel my stomach rumble, "abi i wan purge?" i asked myself as i walked faster. I got home, and i instantly rushed to the toilet to defecate. The toilet was locked from inside, "who dey there oh" i shouted "na me oh" Sammy said, "Sammy so u sef dey purge? e be like say na dat Amala and Ewedu oh" i shouted "na so oh" Sammy said "guy do quick oh, d s*hit wan comot for my nyash oh, make i no s*hit for body oh" i shouted again as i felt something moving in my bowels. Something watery suddenly came out of my a*nus, "i don s*hit for my body be dat oh" i said to myself. I was sweating profusely. I couldn't bear it any longer so i decided to do "short-put", i looked for the nearest nylon bag, bend down, did "my thing" in the nylon bag. As i defecated in the nylon bag, i felt relieved, "when the preferable is not available, the available becomes preferable. When toilet is not available, short-put becomes preferable" i said to myself. It took ages before i finished defecating yet Sammy was still inside the toilet. "u dey born pekin there, abi u go sleep there?" i asked Sammy "Guy see wetin Amala and Ewedu don do us" he responded. I tot of where to throw my poo away, and i concluded to throw it over the fence to the next compound. I threw it the way athletes throw "short-put" in the Olympics, and i heard..................... "who be that!!! who throw that thing". "Flow come out make we go meet them Kelvin for Alejo l'owo joint na, dem go don dey wait us oh" Sammy said knocking at my door, "i dey come make i wear cloth" i responded from inside. I put on my Drinking cap; thats my black Kangol cap and we were off to Alejo l'owo joint. As we got there. The other guys were already on their second bottles. I immediate told the "birthday boy" Kelvin to pass me my brand 1759(guinness). As i was almost done with my first bottle Angom said, "Alomo dey here to pour for your drink oh" "how u go mix Alomo and beer, u wan die?" i cautioned. "Flow e dey make sense oh, doctor say e dey good for heart, try am na" Ilorin said, pouring some Alomo into my beer. I siped the mixture, and contrary to what Ilorin said, it was burning my heart. Soon Kelvin ordered "pepper soup" for everybody. As i drank the hot pepper soup i tot i heard something fall internally from my chest to my stomach. "abi my heart don fall comot?" i asked myself as i continued drinking. I was on my 5th bottle, and i was seriously floating in the skies. "make we smoke weed na" Angom said, "u dey mad oh, we never drink all this drinks wey still remain u wan smoke weed, e b like say u no like ur brain oh" i said. I drank my 6th, 7th and 8th bottle, i had broken my previous record of 7 bottles, i didn't break the record only on 1759 but "1759 mixed with Alomo", so its a great midestone in my drinking carrear. Just then, Ojiga came to our table, after he shook hands with all of us, he ordered for another bottle round for everybody, as the bottles were brought, Ojiga went back to his table where he was drinking with a guy. "Ilorin, u sure say dis Ojiga no plan with those robbers make dem come rob Mama Alhaja" i said "yes oh, u no c as him dey spend money, and him dey follow big big boys wey dey drive motor sef, even sef that guy wey him sidon with there fit b that same guy wey come beat me for toilet that day oh" Ilorin said. It was time to leave and Kelvin went to plead with Ojiga for them to take us home with their car because it was late and we wouldn't see a cab. Everybody stood up to leave except me. "Flow stand up make we dey go na, abi u wan sleep here" Sammy attacked "wey my leg, who carry my leg, wey my leg?" i asked as they all laughed beyond control. "mumu, c your leg with u, no body carry ur leg" Angom shouted dragging me up my foot. I walked like a baby that just started walking to where the car was parked. As the car drove off, my stomach was begining to rumble as if i wanted to throw up "guy no vomit inside dis car oh" i told myself. As we all walked drunk to our rooms, "comot for my room na, na ur room be dis?" i asked Ilorin, "mumu, na my room u dey enter, abi u no dey c well" Ilorin answered. We both entered Ilorin's Room, as i lay down on his bed to sleep......................."uhn gboon, ngboooo!!!"................... "Flow u don Vomit for my bed oh". I woke up weak and tired, i saw all the fish pepper soup i ate last nite on the floor, i didn't only see that but i saw a "mighty ocean" of the drink i drank on the floor, i turnded to see that Ilorin too threw up, "Ilorin u dey mad oh, so u sef vomit, na only my own i go clean oh" i said as i rushed out to look for rag and water that i would use for the cleaning. I came back meeting the whole room smelling like a brewery. As i was cleaning my own part of the floor, i glanced at the clock in the wall, it was 8am. "wake up oh, we don late for sch oh" i said, waking Ilorin up. As i rushed with my bucket of water and soap to the bathroom, it was locked from inside, "who dey there?" i asked angrily "na we oh" i heard two voices, "who and who be we?" i asked curiously "na me and Kelvin oh" Sammy said, "why una dey baff together na?" i asked as i almost laughed out, "u no know say we don late for sch" Kelvin responded, at that moment i laughed a beat, "make una no do h*omo thing for there oh, girls plenty oh" i teased, "u dey mad Flow, na ur papa be h*omo" Sammy fired at me, "na ur papa teach my papa na" i fired back at him. I tot of where to take my bath for a while, so i decided i would do it just where i stood. I removed my cloth and started taking my bath at an open corner close to the bath room. As i applied soap to my face, i heard a noise, "who be that?" i shouted, trying to rub the soap off my face so i could see clearly. I opened my eyes and saw that it was a goat, "e no go better for u" i cursed the goat. Just then Angom came, "person dey inside abi?" he asked, "yes oh" i responded as he too started bathing outside. Ilorin came and saw us bathing outside and said, "i no fit follow una baff outside oh, wat of if woman come enter here" "u be mumu, which woman wan enter here, no woman dey stay dis compound, na only Mama Alhaja, and wetin dat old woman wan carry ur small p*rick do, she get children wey their p*rick big pass ur own na" Angom teased as i laughed loudly. Ilorin entered the "toilet" to take his bath and i continued laughing. As i laughed, i felt something walking on my both legs towards my p*enis area, the thing walked to my joystick and tickle me a beat, making me to laugh more, it tickled me in different sides of my p*enis and i laughed even more without looking at what was tickling me............................. Ants............. "yeeeeeaaaaah, ant don bite my blockus oh"....

Lmao...

next....

Hehehehehe...Ride on

lol, Wetin dem dey call blockous?

Hahaaaaaaa

Ant don bite you

Lmao

Flow, u sef dey mumu small o. U get luck dat ant no cut dat ur small bro. dickson!

Lol

kikikikikikikikikikikikik

Lol.... Never knew a story like this was here....nice one.. Next

Episode 13 That day was like every other day, Juliet called me on phone and i told her i was very ill the previous day and my phone battery was down, that was why she couldn't get me. Evening came, and the tot of Dami coming to my house made me happy. That evening was cold so i went to Angom's room to smoke. I smoked every jumbo with joy and fulfillment in my heart. As the flames came out of my second Jumbo, it was as if my brain was soaring with it. Meanwhile Angom was playing "who do u believe in - by Tupac shakur" from his sound system. "who do u believe in, i put my faith in God, Thats who believe in, and when the going gets tough who do believe, tell me who do believe in" those where lyrics from the song, "Angom, who do u believe in?" i teased, "na God na" he said and i felt pity for myself that i have kept an arms length from my Creator. "e don tay i go church oh, all my own na women, weed, drink, i don forget say God dey oh" i said as i reminese all my trespasses against my creator. "Lord give me a sign, i really need to talk to u Lord, since the last time we spoke, the walk has been hard, i know u haven't left me but i feel like am alone, am a big boy now, but am still not grown, all these coming to me like pain in head,.......... protect me and give the strength to fight back......... Amen" i used Dmx "Lord give me a sign" lyrics as a prayer in my mind. Just when i said i needed no more temptations in my like, my phone rang, it was Dami. I went out of the compound to usher her into my room. "u have a beautiful room here" she said, "not as beautiful as u are, my princess" i said looking into her beautiful eyes. I put on my Tv and inserted a black American movie into my Dvd. She watched the movie keenly. I was high on weed and am always more romantic in such condition. The movie got to a a love making scene, and i saw Dami was watching the scene with keen interest. At that moment, i switched on my red "romantic bob" that didn't only lite up the room, but made it serene and warm. "gengen, today na today" i said in my mind. Dami came closer giving me a green light. I placed my hands on her l*aps, she giggled and i also drew closer almost making my bare chest touch her b*reast. I couldn't tell what to do next as she continued looking straight into my eyes, i grabed her hands and drew her closer, this time i could feel her hard b*reast on my bare chest. I kissed her while i fumbled with removing her clothes. As her n*akedness stared at me, my d*ick was at its hardest, "ah ah ah ah, u are killing me, ah ah ah" was what she whispered as i made love to her, i scrambled and changed positon to give her the s*crewing of her life.2 weeks later. Dami had travelled to Ife to go look after her sick grandmum. I have been going to buy things from her mum's shop and guess what? I haven't been paying a dime, whatever i bought there was free. I couldn't tell why her mum gave me things for free since Dami left, until one day. I went there to buy garri one afternoon, "good afternoon ma, i want to buy garri" i said. "good afternoon corper Ugo, how are u today?" she said. "am fine ma" i responded "come on in hunk" she added, beckoning on me to come in and seat down. "na me dis woman dey call hunk, which day dat one start na?" i said within myself as i gave her that charming smile dat melts the hearts of so many ladies. I sat on a bench and she came to seat on the same bench rather too close for my liking, "abi dis woman want make i stop to dey see her daughter" i tot. "u see, Ugo, can i call u dat?" she asked "yes ma, dats my name" i said, "common Ugo, stop the ma and call me Ireti, dats my name" she said, as i noticed she wasn't even old facially "ok ma, sorry Ireti" i said. "u see Ugo, i have always liked ur person, u are a dashing young man, i also like ur charisma" she added. "thank u ma, sorry Ireti" i said "hahahahahaha, and another thing i like about u is dat u are very funny" she said and laughed. She told me she was a divorcee and her Ex-husband was even married to another woman, "old story, wetin Dami don already tell me" i tot as i felt pity for her. "but nawa for some men oh, why person go divorce dis kin fine woman" i tot as i took a quick glance at her "mighty jogs". One thing i love this woman for is that she is a defination of Sexyyyyyy, with an arss that is as huge as a television, "why yoruba women dey get big nyash sef?" i asked myself as i stared at her big arss while she attended to a customer. "u see since my husband left i haven't seen a person that could fill the empty space he left in my heart" she said while she sat even closer to me. "go find am na, abi u no dey do am well nahim make him leave u?" i almost asked her. "Ugo, i love u so much, i want you to be my sugarboy" she said what seemed like a joke to me. I took a deep breathe and said, "ehn ehn ehn, what about ur daughter, i love her so much" . She giggled and said, "i love her too, she is my only child, but its better i tell u dis now, than for me to hide my feelings" she said, "u know what, i would give u some time to think about this, but i can't wait for too long" she added. She gave me her number that i should call her and give her the expected positive response. She stood up to measure my garri and i could now have a full view of her big ikebe. A song came to my mind, and that is Sunny Nneji's "dis Ikebe go put u for trouble oh, ooooh Ikebe, Ikebe, oooooh Ikebe"I got home with almost half bag of garri "free of charge", "na who give u dis kin plenty garri" Ilorin asked, "i go theif am" i responded. "flow na ur house we go come dey take garri wey we go dey drink oh" Angom and Ilorin chorused, "because na me be una papa na, na me send una come serve?" i teased. I took a nap that evening. I dreamt i was chased by Kehinde my student. Kehinde was chasing me with a matchete. I ran as fast as my legs could go, as i ran ahead, i saw Juliet chasing me with an axe in front. With Juliet racing towards me from the North and Kehinde racing from the South of where i stood, i couldn't help but move to escape from the East, as i raced with an "Usain Bolt" style to the East, i saw Dami racing towards me with an AK47 gun. Now with the West as the only escape route, i ran at the speed of light towards the West, but i abruptly halted when i saw Dami's Mum racing towards me without a weapon; onlike others. Just then i wished i had wings that could make me fly to the sky. I tried to move my legs but they were completely weak, i tried moving it again, this time my right leg moved but an obstacle on the floor stoped it from moving further bringing my whole body to the floor. As i lay facing the sky, all i could say was "forgive me Ladies, am sorry, Forgive me ladies, am sorry". I continued saying that until Dami's Mum moved closer to where I was lying and turned, now her big Ikebe was staring at me............................... GBAAAMMMMM!!!!, she sat on my head.................. "make una help me oh, i don die oh" i shouted my way from the dream world to reality. As i continued shouting i noticed my standing fan was on my head, just exactly the way Dami's Mum sat on my head in the dream. "thank God for this fan oh, if not that Ikebe woman for suffocate me with her ikebe oh" i tot as i put the fan to its actual position, "but wait oh, how i take fall the fan for my body sef?" i asked no one else but myself.The next day, as usual i was the first teacher to be in sch. As i was writing my boring lesson note, a student came, "good morning sir" Mosun a JSS2 girl greeted, "Mosun, how are u" i said "fine sir, sir i want to ask u a question" she added. "what is it, ask am all ears" i said curiously. "ehnn Sir i heard my elder brother talking to someone on phone about something he called C*ondom, sir what is a C*ondom?" she asked. "ehn ehn Mosun u see C*ondon is ehn ehn an ingredient they use to spicen up fried rice, maybe ur brother wanted the person to cook him fried rice" that lie came out of my mouth too fast. "i don lie for this small girl oh, but why she wan know wetin c*ondom be na, why she no ask her elder brother, na my mouth she wan hear say Pope no be V*irgin abi" i tot as i saw her leave happily. Soon it was evening, i was at home smoking with Angom and Ilorin as usual. "Angom, if u see sugarmummy wey like u, u go date her?" i asked Angom. "Flow u don see sugarmummy?" Ilorin asked what made me angry, "yes na, i don see, na ur Mama na" i said, "Flow make u no dey talk about my Mama like dat oh, sha if u want make my Mama b ur sugarmummy u go die go meet her for grave be that" Ilorin fired at me "na u go die" i fired back. "Angom abeg answer my question jor, no mind dis mumu Yoruba boy" i said. "Flow, forget oh i go rush any sugarmummy wey come oh, abi u like as we dey drink garri everyday? u go gain plenty things from sugarmummy oh" Angom said. "u go gain plenty things but u go dey do her well well oh" i added. "Yes u go do her well well na, abi u no sabi do?" Ilorin asked me, "u dey mad, u wey only 2 rounds u go dey breathe like person wey run hundred metres for Olmpics" i said, "i do pass u abeg" Ilorin responded. I got to my room that night, as i was about sleeping, i tot of calling my "newly found love" a.k.a Ikebe super. "make i call her, make i no call her, make i call her, make i no call her, make i call her" i tot, "i go call her abeg" i concluded.

Chai... So condom have now becoming an ingredient. Hmmmm... You wanna call "Ikebe Super"??

Funny boy....wait wait continue

mother and daughter

U wan do mother and daughter!

I Love This

Hmmm

U dey do mother nd daughter

Cond¤m is now an ingridients 4 fried rice 4 ur area

hmmmmmmm mother and daughter OK I just dey observe how the end will be

i just dey look at u

Interesting

lol see achievement

lol

nice

Episode 14 I called Dami's Mum, or rather Ireti. She said i should come keep her company the next day in the evening at her house, that she was lonely. That day in sch, i had no class to teach. In other to cure my boredom, i went to see how Lola taught her JSS3 Students English. I entered and the students greeted, i went to seat on an empty seat behind the class. The topic was PRESENT TENSE AND PAST TENSE. "can somebody tell me the past tense of run?" Lola asked the students, "na simple question for Jss3 na" i said in my mind. "infact, u tell me the past tense of run, and make a sentence with it ok?" she added, "me. Anti! me Anti!, me Anti!" was the noise coming from different corners of the classroom until Lola pointed at Bola; the dullest in the class. I knew he was going to fail the question, but i just wanted to see the magnitude of his failure. He stood up in jitters and said, "Anti the past tense of run is ehn ehn ehn ehn..... Runed". I let out a big laugh as if my intestine would come out from my mouth soon, i saw Lola Laughed also. The whole class raised the roof with cheers "stop the noise!!!" Lola shouted bringing the class to absolute silence. "ok, Bola if the past tense of run is runed like u said, make a sentence with runed?" Lola queried, at that moment i saw tears gathering in Bola's eyes as he answered saying; "Me kpèlù Tolu runed to school yesterday". I couldn't help but laughed my way out of the class before my intestine would actually come out from my mouth. I got home, prepared myself some food, ate, took my bath and started dressing up for the visit to the house of my "sweat mama". As i steped out of my room, "where u dey go?" Ilorin asked frightening me. "i dey go heaven, u wan follow me go?" i questioned, "na ur type dey go heaven? u go enter heaven go dey smoke weed and drink abi, u go go heaven go give angels wey dey there weed make them smoke and high abi" Ilorin said what was the bitter truth. "na u sabi oh, u sef no dey weed? abeg give me that ur perfume make i spray jor" i said is anybody home! Is anybody home!!" i knocked as i got to her house. "hey Ugo darling come on in" i heard Ireti called from inside, "so na me don turn ur darling abi?" i said within me. I walked in boldly. "ur house is beautiful ma, sorry Ireti" i complimented, "Hahahahaha, stop making me laugh pls, i have told u to drop the ma and call me Ireti, am i old enough to be ur mum?" she asked "yes u are" i almost spoke out. "u see, Ireti i have gotten used to calling u ma, but i would try my best to change" i assured "u better do" she said stroking my nose with her finger. "u are very handsome" she said as she moved her hands up and down my broad chest. "just as u are very beautiful" i flattered as i noticed her face was exactly like Dami's. She went into her room leaving me alone in the living room, i heard "Ugo darling come pls" i tot she was calling someone else as i totally forgot my name was Ugo. I came in and saw her lying on the bed with a wrapper covering her body. She couldn't even allow me settle down before she started c*aressing me. She moved her hands to where my "chiarman" was, making it to stand at attention. She left her hands there for a while with her mouth wide open as she tot she just touched a mighty "sugar cane". "abi Dami don tell her Mama say i sabi f*uck?" i asked myself. She gradually removed her wrapper revealing her huge b*reast. "do u like what u see" she asked, i suddenly went dumb so i nodded. "they are all yours" she whispered. "u remember i told u i love u so much?" she asked, i had partial amnesia instantly, "yes, no, sorry yes" i said tensed. "calm down Ugo, am all yours tonight" she assured, "na me u dey tell calm down ehn, if we start the main thing now u go begin beg, u no sabi say i dey score goals like Drogba, ehnnnn na u go beg oh" i said in my mind. "Where i go start from sef?" i asked myself as the show started. "yeeekpa!! Egbà mi oh!! Ó tó oh!!! Don't stop pls!!!" was what came out of her mouth as i gave her d*oggy style. "i no tell u say na u go beg" i said witin me. I gave her 3 rounds "action" and i told her the c*ondoms i came with was finished, she gave me another pack of C*ondom and we continued. "so this woman know say we go do nahim make she buy C*ondom keep ehn?" i said to myself as i tried to catch some sleep. The next day was Saturday, so no school. I was at home, this time not smoking but thinking deeply. I was lying on my bed lost in tots that afternoon when i heard a knock on my door. "who b dat?" i asked the person who continued knocking. I went to see who it was. it was Kehinde, holding a polythene bag on her hand. "sir, may i come in?" she asked "yeah come in" i said as i noticed she was wearing a very h*ot mini skirt. "if u like n*aked come, i no go do anything, d wan wey i do yesterday my body still dey pain me" i said to myself as she sat on my bed. "sir, i brought you some things" she said handing the polythene bag to me, i opened the bag and i saw; Paw paw, Yam, beans, palm oil. "na me dis girl wan jaz? She don put Yoruba L*ove portion inside this things, i no go chop" i concluded. "thank u very much, and i Love Paw paw alot" i said and she smiled. She left my house after i had explained some physics topics to her, i didn't "do" anything with her. "Ilorin, see Yam, oil, beans and Paw paw oh, take am i dash u" i said as i handed the bag Kehinde brought to Ilorin, "mehn Flow beans and Yam go make sense to chop dis nite oh" he said, "e go make sense na, me i don already get plenty yam and beans for house, so instead of make dem begin spoil, i say make i come give u na" i lied. "nahim make me dey call u my main man!!" he said. "what of the Paw paw na, make i arrange am make we chop na?" he asked, "arrange am for urself oh, me i no dey like chop paw paw" i lied again. As he was rinsing the Paw Paw, i said to myself, "ehennn!!, if l*ove portion dey all this things wey Kehinde give me, na Ilorin e go catch, shebi him be Yoruba boy and Kehinde na Yoruba girl, dem go just marry". As Ilorin took the first bite of the Paw Paw, i was eased a beat "Flow, taste am na, e sweet oh" Ilorin said directing the Paw paw to my lips. As the Paw Paw touched my upper lips, i was full of Fury and said, "you dey mad oh Ilorin, i don tell u say i no dey like Paw Paw, u come wan force am for my mouth" i said rubbing off my lips with my palm repeatedly. Just then, We saw two men walked boldly into Our Compound, they were Police men. which of u is Ojiga?" one of the police Men asked. At that moment i remembered there was weed in my pocket; weed i wanted to go smoke in Angom's room later. "oga Officer, me na Ilorin, dis na Flow, Ojiga no dey here sir" Ilorin said rubbish. "my friend, where Ojiga dey?" the other police man shouted, "oga officer, na him room be that" i said pointing at Mama Alhaja's room. As the Police men went in to bring out Ojiga, i suddenly had an urge to defecate, "why s*hit go dey worry me for dis wrong time" i said within me. As they were inside, i suddenly heard sound of a window being smashed. The next odd sound i heard was a gun shot. They was a great stampede as i and Ilorin ran for cover at Ilorin's room. "abi dem don fire Ojiga gun?" i asked Ilorin "maybe oh, but thank God say Mama Alhaja no dey oh" Ilorin responded. Suddenly we heard noises as if someone was draged out, what followed was a noise as if someone was pleading for mercy. Ojiga was draged out by the two Police men, i saw from the key hole of Ilorin's Room that Ojiga sustained a gunshot injury in his right legs. As they drew closer to Ilorin's door, i felt urine come out of my p*enis gradually. "where those two boys?" one of the police men asked. "we dey here oh" Ilorin answered even before the question was asked. "make una come out here" the other police man commanded cracking his gun. On hearing the cracking of the gun, we both jumped out with our hands raised above our heads. "oga officer we no be theif, we dey stay for this house, Ojiga na Our friend" i said what implicated us instantly, "Ojiga na ur friend ehn? Well we go arrest una two make una go write statement as na only una dey dis compound, Ojiga una Friend na big theif" one of the Police men said. "no sir him no be our friend oh" Ilorin cried. "as far as say him dey stay una compound, him be una friend be that" the police man concluded. "Why Angom, Kelvin and Sammy no dey house sef?" i asked myself. All these happened very fast that i forgot to remove the weed from my pocket. When i remembered, it was too late as we were already moving to their police van parked outside. "weed dey my pocket and i dey go police station, what if dem search me there, wetin i go talk?" i asked myself.

hmmmmmmmm so he dey among people wey come other time

Hmmm ojiga baba ooo

u own dn finish

Hahaha!

Just Hide De Weed Incase U Enta Sell U Go Use Am Setle De Ogar Inside D Sell Way Dem Go Put U.

Flow, u dey mumu big tym o!

u are done for

Kkkkk can't stop laughing. This Ibo boy is funny.

see hot soup oøo

Gbege!

~"^"next"^"~

Hmmmmm

Sorry na ur name

Dis tori funny die

Ikebe super indeed

Flow u too de fast talk...why u de always shake? U no de behave as a man smtimes

Episode 15 police is your friend" "bail is free" "obey law and order", all these was what i saw written on the wall as we entered the station. They took Ojiga somewhere i couldn't tell. "this ones na thief dem be abi?" a police man at the counter asked, "na ur papa be thief, see ur big head" i cursed within me. "no them no be thief, na their friend be thief, just take their statement" one of the Police men that brought us instructed. I took a sigh of relief because we would not be locked up, just that there needed our statements. "to write statement una go pay 1000naira oh, 500naira for one person" the police man said, "500 wetin?" i almost asked. "Ilorin, u carry money come? I asked, "e be like say i carry but na only 500naira oh" Ilorin said. At that moment i felt like crying, "y my own be like dis na, wetin i go do now?" i tot. "ehn Ilorin we go beg am say na only 500naira we get" i said. "na u go beg am oh" Ilorin responded as i saw great fear in his eyes. "ehnn Oga Officer, na only 500naira we get here, abeg sir collect am like that sir" i stammered. "una dey mad ni? Bad boys like una, una get money una hide am com dey give me 500 abi" he said "officer we no get, if to say we get we for give u sir" Ilorin said. "ok i go search una, and if i c money ehn una don die be that" the police man shouted. "yes sir, search us, we no get money, abi Flow?" Ilorin asked turning to face me, "ye ye ye yes sir" i stammered. At that moment, i felt like runing out of the station. "if i run, them fit suspect me come shot me, and if i comot dis weed for my pocket com put am for ground peaople go notice, abi make i lie say i wan go piss com go flush am for toilet?" i tot. "officer, i wan go piss" i said, "u no dey go anywhere until i search una finish" the policeman said as he started to search Ilorin. Now urine goshed out of my p'enis wetting my trousers. I hurriedly touched my pocket wishing the nylon wrap of weed could disapear, but it didn't. "u don free, now na ur turn" the policeman said as he left Ilorin and approached me. My legs were vibrating as if i was in the process of electrocution. "so u haven't taken their statements? Common! take their statements now" the policeman that brought us commanded, "yes sir!!!" the one searching said and immediately left us to go get paper. "God i thank u oh" i tot. I was saved by the bell. Flow, wetin wet ur trouser for ur p*rick side na?" Ilorin asked as he was seating in front of me on a bike going home. "na rain fall" i responded, "which kin rain wey go wet only ur p*rick side and all ur body go dry? Abi u piss for body?" Ilorin queried. I didn't respond to his silly question. We got home and told the other guys what we went through. I put on my sound system and played Tupac "keep ur head up". A song that gave me the encouragement to always keep my head up even in difficult moments. As i was singing along and staring at the big tupac wallpaper that hung on my wall, i was distracted by the rather loud ringing of my phone, it was Ireti, she wanted me to come keep her company in her shop. I was there in no time. She was looking very young and beautiful with her new hair do. "god!! See as this woman fine, she don even fine pass her pekin sef" i tot as i continued staring at her before taking my seat. She told me Dami would be back that evening, maybe by 6pm. "why she no com tell me say na today she go come na" i tot. I glanced at my watch, it was just 4pm, so we had about 2hours to ourselves. "Ugo, i want you to f*uck me again" Ireti said, "darling, y don't we do dat later" i said. "take dis" she said handing what looked like money to me, it was money, i counted it, it was 10k. "take it and use it to take care of urself" she added. "thank u so much" i said giving her a peck. "now let's start, we would do it here" she said pointing at a hidden corner of the shop, "hope nobody would see us?" i asked, " yeah nobody, besides if a customer comes, he or she would knock first and if no reponse from us, he or she would leave the shop" she said. We started making love in the shop, i gave it to her on the floor just like she wanted it. As i entered second round, suddenly i heard..................... "mummy! Mummy!! Mummy where are u" it was Dami calling her mum from outside of the shop. "am dead, its Dami, what do i do?" i asked Ireti who hurriedly tried to put back her clothes on. "take the back door, jump over the fence and you would see a bush path that would lead u home" she whispered. I rushed out through the back door fumbling with wearing my clothes. I hurried out of the back door not knowing the herculean task that lies ahead. I took my first jump, but i missed my step and hite my head on the wall of the fence. My eyes saw stars. I tried the second time, this time i was almost there, i was hanging to the fence with my left hand, my left hand soon grew weak and i saw myself falling with my face flat on the cemented floor. My eyes saw even more stars. I dusted myself and was prepared for my third attempt. I jumped higher and i was lucky i made it, but it wasn't over yet. As i struggled and reached the top of the fence, i didn't know there were tiny security wires a.k.a barb wires on the fence. I felt pains on my left hand, i looked at it and saw blood goshing. Meanwhile i was seating on the tiny but sharp barb wires. Suddenly.................... "aaaaah, barb wire don tear my nyash oh" i cried with a low voice so nobody would hear. I walked to the gate of my compound limping a bit and with blood stains on the arss area of my trouser. "wetin make u dey waka like dis na? Ant bite u for nyash?" Angom asked me. "no na dog bite me for nyash" i teased, "nothing bite me abeg my nyash just dey scrash me" i lied. "u don bring the table tennis board come abi?" i asked Angom as i noticed the table tennis board he told us he would buy was already in the compound. "yes oh i don bring am oh, na where i go buy am i dey since morning oh" Angom said. Angom had already told Mama Alhaja that he wanted to buy a table tennis board that we would play to keep us busy, mama Alhaja agreed and told him where to place the board when he brings it, which was the exact place Angom placed it. "u be correct man, u try, aleast we go dey rent am for boys wey wan play, u go get ur money wey u take buy am, u go even gain well sef before we serve finish" i said. "nahim make me buy am na, ehen ur babe dey ur room oh" Angom said, "which babe be dat?" i asked, "Juliet na, how many babes u get? She don open ur door she dey inside" Angom said "this boy no know say i get plenty babes, him think say na only Juliet" "but wait oh wetin i go tell Juliet say wound me for nyash and hand, abeg i go tell her say i get accident jor" i tot as i walked holding my arss to my room. The Aroma of the vegetable soup Juliet was cooking made me realize i was very hungry. She was at the bathroom taking her bath so i hurriedly removed my blood stained clothes and put on clean ones. I threw away the blood stained clothes in the dust bin and pretended as if nothing had happened to me. "hello my darling!!" i said with a bright smile on my face. "where have u been since?" she asked as i kissed and huged her. "well, lets say i have been around like the bird" i said as i continued hugging her. She dished out her delicious vegetable soup, we ate. It was time for sleep, she was to pass the nite because the next day was sunday. I took some paracetamol before i hit the bed; as if paracetamol would do the magic of relieving the pains in my Arss. It was time to sleep and of course Juliet wanted S'ex. She rolled over to my side of the bed making her b'reast to touch my back. "Ugo lets do na" she said. She calls me Ugo either when she wants S'ex or when she wants money. "Juliet, i don't have the strength dis nite pls" i said as i moved myself to the edge of the bed, this made her angry. "so u don't like what u see in my body again ehn, u are seeing someone else ehn" she said as she removed her clothes revealing her n'akedness. As i turned and saw her n'aked my sleeping d'ick woke up instantly. "i am not seeing anyöne, u are my one and only" i said as i c'aressed her. She moaned greatly as my hands moved to her rather fleshy c'unt. I drew closer to her and she bent down for a "b'low job" mission. The b'low job she gave me was initially like an elixir to the pains on my arss until................... She placed her both hands on my arss for her to regain her balance, and.................. i screamed not because of excitement or sweatness of the b'low job, but because her hands on my arss really hurt me.

hmmmmm enjoy yourself next

lol, you don't know how to say no

sorry oøo

Endure d pain na shebi na u want pussy

Haaaa, ur own don better

Haha

Bad boy

Hmmmmm,next

i wish she knew dat u are a dog

Hmmm...guy u no dey tire

Flow u gada mind ooo...u de bleep mother and daughter? Chai!

Yepa.

Episode 16 Day broke into Sunday morning, this sunday would be my first sunday of going to church since i came to Ilesa "would u be going to church?" i asked Juliet who was still on bed. "yeah i will" she responded. "then start getting prepared, before we run late" i said as she stood up n'aked; she likes walking n'aked around the room any time we finished having s'ex, as if by so doing she would regain her lost strength. She was still n'aked ironing her clothes, while i was polishing my shoes. Suddenly i heard................... "Flow which church you go go?" Ilorin asked as he barged in on us without knocking. Juliet was facing the door so Ilorin practically saw all parts of her body that was suppose to be hidden. Juliet saw it as no big deal, so did Ilorin. "so una no dey knock for una village abi? i go go church abeg" i responded covering Juliet from Ilorin's sight, "which church be dat?" he asked as i noticed he had a hard-on, "na Winners Chapel na" i responded, "ok i go follow una go oh" Ilorin said as he left. Soon we were out in the bus-stop waiting for a bus. I initially wanted us to board a bus, but Juliet suggested we entered bike. Ilorin boarded a seperate bike while me and Juliet stoped another bike. Juliet entered first and when it was my turn to enter the bike after her, it was the beggining nightmares. As i raised up my left leg to enter the rather high bike, i heard......................... GBRAAA, initially i tot i had fart, not until i heard.................... GBRAAA again as i tried raising my left leg even higher. "oooh!!! My God" i cried out as i noticed my trouser had torn. "why did u say oh my God?" Juliet asked me as the bike moved, "i said that because i just realize i forgot my bible at home" i lied, "ok, u would use my bible since i have bible applicatiön on my phone" Juliet said. As the bike moved on, i suddenly began to percieve a choking smell as if something was burning. "dis man no fit maintain him bike, see as him engine dey smell" i tot. Suddenly i began to feel my right leg was unsteady, and................. The sole of my expensive "kasino kino" shoes was almost half burnt by the very hot silencer of the bike. "ooooh!! my God" i cried out again, "what is it again Flow?" Juliet asked, "is dis useless silencer oh, it has burnt the right foot of my shoe oh" i cried. "pls move ur right leg a beat so i can share the foot-rest with you, my right leg was on the silencer all this while thats why it burnt my sole" i told Juliet. She did move her leg a beat creating a space for me to place mine. I fumbled with placing my right leg on the Foot-rest, and............ "aaaaaaah!!!!" Juliet shouted, i looked and saw that i had steped on her bare skin with the burnt sole. "u dey mad abi, ur fada there, come collect money na" all these were the abuses i rained on the bike man as he stoped us in front of the church. "ur papa there, give me my money oh, or else we go fight here" the bike man threatened as he was already set to start throwing punches. "dis man never know say i get red belt for taekwondo oh, i go just give am Doliu chagi (round house kick) for head, i go com use Apoligei (axe kick) finish am, him don die be dat oh" i said within myself as i kept my guard. "íyalàyá" i insulted the bike man with the only Yoruba insult i liked. On hearing this the bike man threw a punch to the air. I still kept my guard as Ilorin came and held the bike man pleading with him in Yoruba. Ilorin paid him his money and he left. At that money i saw two ushers of the church came around the scene, one was tending to Juliet's injury while the other one was asking me what happened, a question i never answered. Juliet told me she would be going home because the injury on her ankle was hurting her seriously and that she couldn't walk well. I agreed with her and gave her my house key for her to go collect her laptop she left charging in my room. "wetin do ur shoe?" Ilorin asked "na dat useless Okada man na, first my trouser tear as i wan enter the bike, and my shoe com burn again join" i cried as i took a glance at the big hole that was in between my legs, revealing my dirty boxer short. "guy how u go do am na, abi u go go house back?" Ilorin asked, "i no dey go any house, if i go house i no go come back again, and i no wan miss today church because e don tay wey i go church, i go manage am like dat jor" i said as i tried figuring the walking step to use dat would not reveal the big hole in between my legs. I concluded to use CATWALK. I catwalked slowly as we walked to the enterance of the church. Ilorin laughed uncontrollably at me, "Ilorin u no go behave urself abi, if u dey laf, people for inside the church go laf me sef, but if u no laf, dem go think say naso i dey waka" i cautioned Ilorin who instantly stoped laughing. I entered the church with my "newly found" walking step and the ushers directed me and Ilorin to go seat in front after confirming that we were first timers. "even if una put gun for my head, i no go seat for front" i said to myself as i sited Sammy and Kelvin at a corner of the church, since there were two empty seats close to them, me and Ilorin quickly joined them. "why u sidon like dis na, why u cross ur leg na?" Kelvin asked me, "u dey ask mumu question, u no know say naso Oyibo people dey sidon, i wan sidon like Oyibo na" i lied as i saw Ilorin Laughing. At that moment i saw what made my jaw droped. Dami and her Mum were seated in front. "so dis girl and her Mama dey come dis church? Why dem no tell me na? Abi na because i no ask them? because if to say i asked dem, dem for tell me" i tot. Dami's Mum caught me staring at her and she winked at me, it took a while before i responded to her wink, as i was about responding to her wink, i noticed she was looking elsewhere but Dami was looking at my direction so i winked at Dami and she smiled. Practically throughout the service i slept because the message was boring, Sammy too slept. We gave offering and as we danced i noticed Ilorin was dancing "Alanta"; the reigning dance then. "guy why u dey dance dis kin dance for church na, see as everybody dey look u" i told Ilorin. "make dem look na, no be house of God i dey" he said as he continued his wierd dance step. We said "the Grace" and i tot it was time to go home when i heard...................... "All first timers pls wait behind". Sammy and Kelvin had gone home because they were not first timers. As i listened to the boring welcome message one of the pastor was giving to us, i forgot my legs waren't crossed, it was wide open revealing the big hole in between my legs. I quickly crossed my legs so the pastor talking to us wouldn't see my dirty boxers because i was seating in front, just close to the window. As i did that, i noticed that my burnt shoe sole was fully exposed to the girl seating beside me. "if she like make she see am na, i no send her, i no wan chyke her na, she no even fine sef" i said within me. "would any of u like to be a worker in the church?" the pastor asked. I didn't hear what he asked but my hands were already up, not because i wanted to be a worker but because i was about to wave Dami from the window, she was walking to where her mum's car was parked. "yes! Our brother here has volunteered himself" the pastor said pointing at me, at that moment i tried to bring down my hands but i wasn't fast enough. Instantly the formerly sweet soft drink they offered us became bitter as i drank. About four other persons also raised their hands up volunteering themselves, but the hand i wanted up was not up, Ilorin's hand. "why u no raise ur hands na, u no like to be worker?" i asked Ilorin. "guy na u sabi oh, i no wan be worker oh, wetin u feel like sef, u feel say na ur type dem dey find as worker?" Ilorin teased. "guy i no know which kin devil go raise my hand up oh, na mistake oh, big mistake" i responded. The pastor took the data of all that wanted to be a worker, i tot of giving a wrong data, but i did otherwise because the main pastor of the church knew me as one the corpers they gave accomodation when we first came to Ilesa, he was even with my phone number, and i couldn't even think of myself changing church now. "guy u don enter hot ogbono soup oh, so u go become worker be that" Ilorin said as we walked to our compound. "no be bad thing na, atleast na God work i go do na" i responded. I entered my room, switched on my TV. As i was watching the concluding part of a Jet Li Movie i had started watching previously, i noticed there was a note on top of the Tv, i opened it and it read: Flow, i took 3k from the Flow bank. PS: lemme go treat myself. It was Juliet. Flow bank is a place under the TV where i do keep money i didn't want to put in my wallet, so when i tell someone i had no money, the person believes me on seeing my empty wallet (sharp Ibo boy brain). Juliet was the only person that knew what part of my house the Flow bank was, though i do change the location from time to time. 8k out of the money Ireti gave me was in the Flow bank that morning, and now 3k was gone.

you and this Juliet self

it is so funny

Ommo...guy u de really enjoy ooo...bt de D-day is coming

U get luk say na only 3k she kary

Funny....flow bank

hmmmmm flow a worker in church

na you go fetch firewood wey ant full nah

ride on

following in a corner

Kikiki... Flow bank.

Episode 17 I took a brief nap. I woke up by 4pm. 4pm was the time for match. Man u was to play Everton. I put on my Man u jersey that was crested "Flow hates Chelsea but Loves Man u" behind. But what i never knew was that the jersey would cause me trouble that day. All of us except Kelvin was on our way to the football viewing centre to watch the match. "flow dis ur jersey wey u wear ehnn, no go let all dis chelsea fans beat u oh" Angom said "flow nothing dey happen, no mind Angom na wetin wan carry chelsea fan come watch man u match if no be say dem hate us, so we sef hate dem na" Ilorin said giving me confidence. First half and no goal, so we went outside to buy Akara to eat while we waited for the second half. As we were at the Akara Joint eating, i heard...................... Gbaaaaaaa on my head, "the pesin wey slap me e no go better for him papa" i cursed as i turned to see who gave me the hot slap on my head. I saw two broad chested guys staring back at me at close range. "e no go better for my papa abi?" the one on dreadlocks queried, "no oh, no be wetin i talk oh" i cried out as i swallowed the Akara in my mouth without chewing it, "so u hate chelsea abi?" the one on face cap said, "no oh, bros abeg the jersey no be my own, na dis boy own oh" i said pointing at Ilorin, "Flow u dey mad, no be ur name dey there, which day my name turn to Flow, bros make una no mind am oh, i no be Man u fan sef" Ilorin lied. "bros na lie oh, two of them na Man u fan oh" Sammy said pointing at me and Ilorin. "ok, two of una wey no be Man u fan make una dey go watch second half, dem dis two don enter hot soup today" the guy on dreadlocks said giving me a hot slap on my face. I went blind for five seconds. As a rugged bagga of my caliber, i raised my right hand to give a reply to the slap, but what made me not to give him a reply was the fact that i saw a knife he pointed at me, "if u try dat thing wey u wan do, i go just shok u dis knife" he said. "oya make una lie down" the one on cap commanded. I never wanted to lie down initially but as i saw more of them coming, i had to comply. As we lied facing the ground, Ilorin was pleading with them but i didn't even say a word. "omo, see this guy oh, see wetin him write for him jersey oh" the guy on dreadlocks informed others stamping his foot on my back. Just then i heard them saying slangs that sounded like baggas slangs, but it wasn't. "Flow dis guys na Eyeh boys oh, me sef na eyeh boy na, y eyeh boys go dey punish their brother" Ilorin said as i quickly recalled that Ilorin had told me sometime that he was a member of Eyeh Confratanity(the cult of birds) while in school. Ilorin stood up and said a slogan, he shook hands with them all and one of them followed him to a corner. On the other hand, the rest of them continued stamping their feet on my back. I tot my spinal cord was broken. Soon Ilorin and the other guy came and i heard the guy telling his friends to stop beating me that Ilorin was their fratanal brother. "but we go must collect dis jersey oh" one of them said to another, "yes him go give una d jersey na" Ilorin answered, "Ilorin u dey mad oh, na only singlet i go wear go house abi" i cursed within. I removed the jersey amidst several hot slaps. "na because una plenty oh nahim make i just dey allow una slap me like dat oh, if na only one person ehn me and dat person to fight na, and i go show d person say bagga no dey carry last" i said to myself as we went to go continue watching the match. Man u was two goals down, that made me more angry. "Flow why u wear only singlet na?" Sammy asked as i sat beside him. "u no see say heat dey, i wan collect breeze na" i responded making Sammy and Angom laugh beyond control. The match was over, man u lost, 2-1. I walked home with a gloomy face along with my guys. I suddenly realized that i needed to pee. "make una wait for me make i piss" i said "u wan piss the piss wey u hold for ur body wen those guys dey beat u abi, u for piss for ur body wen dem Dey beat u na" Ilorin teased. "guy see wetin dem write there oh" Sammy said pointing to the wall opposite me. I looked and saw: Do not Urinate here, fine 5000naira. I smiled and said "no mind this people them dey find who go give dem 5k abi". I noticed Angom who wanted to join me withdrew instantly. "Angom u too dey fear sef, if piss dey catch u, piss jor, no mind wetin dem write here oh". I unzipped my trouser and let a pee that ran as fast as a tap out of my P'enis, as i continued i heard......................... "u dey piss there abi, just continue oh, u don enter hot soup today" a bass voice said from behind me. I got to Dami's shop, or rather Ireti's shop, i saw both of them. "but dis girl tell me say na only her dey shop na" i said within me. I gave Dami a hug as i saw from the corner of my eyes that it was as if Ireti wanted to stab me with the knife she was holding, she was jealous. "i want to go do my hair, would u accompany me?" Dami asked, "yeah, anything for you, my princess" i said. Ireti overheard us and said, "i don't expect both of you to go board a bike, why don't u use my car, Ugo can u drive?" "ehn, ehn, ehn!! No, sorry Yes" i responded "don't tell me a young man of your age can't drive a car" Ireti said, "i can drive" i assured. Actually i could drive but i wasn't perfect, infact below average, because i had bad records in driving, like; when i bashed my dad's jolopy car on a tree, and when i bashed a army officer's car with my friend dad's car on a christmas day(a christmas i would never forget). We zoomed off with Dami's Mum Toyota Camry 2.2. My driving was a bit shaky. As i drove, i prayed in my mind that we should arrived safely, a prayer i wasn't sure would be answered.

I guess you'd hit a shop but it'd not cause damage.

no go cauz accident o

Next

kpele... heat much

? i i no fit laugh next

:b :g :s

next

Flow, u like to enter wahala o!

lol you don die be dat

Hmmmm...Flow sometimes I no knw wetin de alwaysdo u sef...bt wich kind thing be dat nah? Jst bcos I be Man Utd fans, dem com de beat me? E no 4 happen...I 4 show dem smtin

Episode 18 My prayers were answered, we arrived safely. The salon was beautiful, with beautiful ladies adding to the beauty of the place. I was the only guy there. I couldn't help but admire the beautiful ladies, not allowing Dami to notice. I was tired of admiring what i couldn't get, so i told Dami i wanted to take a stroll. I left walking to nowhere in particular. I called Omolade(the customer service lady) to ask her how soon the money would be returned to my account, she told me it wouldn't be later than tommorow. "i like dis Omolade babe oh, kai she too fine, i go chyke am oh, but i get many women for my life now" i tot as i continued walking slowly. Just then, i saw something that caught my attention. A bar, a very beautiful bar. "so dis kin bar dey Ilesa, see as e fine, see light everywhere, oboy d place make sense oh" i tot as i crossed over to the other side of the road. Now i could see the name of the bar sparkling; LEGENDARY BAR--- drink away ur sorrow. "i was sure going to drink away my sorrow" i said to myself as i walked in. I was on my first bottle when i noticed some illegal movements. My nose confirmed the illegal movement that they was a place behind where i could percieve weed from. I hurriedly finished my first bottle and went to the dirrection the smell emanated from, lo and behold i saw a joint of weed with like twenty smokers. "so dem dey sell and smoke weed here, i go come smoke here, but no be today, i go come with my guys" i concluded. I went back to where i was seated. I checked my wallet and discovered i had little money, that would be enough to order another bottle, even pepper soup, so i ordered them both. "mehn dis place make sense oh, and i no get money, if dis bank people no put my money back tommorow i don die b dat oh, on a good day wey money dey, me and my guys go come drink and smoke here" i said to myself as i continued to drink the chilled 1759. I left legendary bar and headed back to the hair salon. I was very "high" and i was walking unsteady. "why ordinary two bottles go make me high like dis? Make i waka well oh, i no want make dis girl tink say i go drink oh" i said to myself as i drew closer to where the car was parked. "u look drop dead beautiful" i flattered. "thank u, i have heard that from u a hundred times" Dami said as i put on the ignition bringing life to the car. "so where did u stroll to?" she asked, "no where in particular" i responded. I was driving at a very high speed. "oh my world!! take it easy" Dami shouted as we almost hite a trailer while trying to overtake a jeep. "e no go better for you" the jeep driver cursed, "and u too" i cursed back. At that moment the advert; DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE, began to make sense to me. I was just overtaking anything "overtakeable". "But what is happening, am i going to die today, Lord if i die today pls take my soul, forgive me my sins" i said a little prayer as i looked at Dami and saw fear written all over her. "but even if i would die today must she die with me?" i asked myself. I looked at the side mirror and saw a Honda car coming with high speed towards me, "or is he drunk too" i tot. I got to a junction and i was to turn left, i traffigated, but i couldn't tell if it was left or right that i traffigated because i was confused and scared of the honda car coming, i tried my possible best for the honda car not to hite our car, and--------------- GBAAAAM, we hite the wall of a shop by the road. It was a fender bender. Just that the two head-lamps were mangled. Lucky enough there was a nearby panel-beater. Dami wasn't injured, neither was i. if there was one thing i never forgot when such situation comes is; "never forget to step on the brake" i steped on the brake in this case but a bit late though, or would i say an angel helped me stoped the car from a complete head-on collision. I thanked my stars the owner of the shop we hite wasn't around. Even if the owner were to be around, there was little or no damage on the wall of the shop. "but i told u to slow down, u wouldn't listen" Dami said as the panel-beater started work on the car. "i tried slowing down, but the speed at which that Honda car came made me lose control" i said. "oga, dis head-lamp na 20 thousand naira for the two oh, plus money wey i go take panel beat the body of the car, infact all the money wey u go pay na 30 thousand naira oh" the panel-beater informed. "30 wetin? Haba!! Na new motor we wan buy?" i said, "go buy new motor na, na for where u go see 30 thousand naira motor" the panel-beater angrily said. "Flow i just have 10 thousand naira here with me, how much do u have with u?" Dami whispered to my ears. "me wey my money don hang for Atm nahim u dey ask how much i get, i no get any money, infact na only 200 naira dey my wallet now". I almost said. "ehnnnnn 200 naira" i said. I narrated to Dami how the Atm refused paying me and how broke i was, she pitied me "should i call my Mum?" she asked, "omo, call am sharperly, dis wahala don tayah me" i almost spoke out, "don't call her pls, how would she feel on hearing this" i said. "she wouldn't feel bad, she should even be happy its the car that got damaged and not any of us" she responded. "just don't be tensed about this, take it easy" she added. Dami called her mum. While we waited for her mum to come, i was resiting "the Lord's prayer" in my mind. Her mum came in no time. "how did it happen, Ugo were u drunk?" Ireti asked. "drunk ke!! I don't drink oh, i haven't even tasted alcohol before" i told her a lie that could fetch me an award. "Mummy u need to thank God we are alive oh", Dami said. "and dis panel-beater is asking for 30 thousand" i added. At the mention of 30 thousand Ireti frowned at me. "abi dis woman want make i pay everything? But i no get that kin money na" i said to myself. Dami said she was leaving and she secretly put the 10 thousand naira she had in my palms before she left. "u know what! I was about going to see my friend that owns a hotel when Dami called, why don't u leave the panel- beater to do his work while u come with me to see my friend in the hotel down the street" Ireti said, "buh, buh, but" i stammered. "no buts, u are coming with me to the hotel, and that is final" she said in a commanding tone. She went to where the panel-beater was, spoke Yoruba with him for a while and handed him something from her bag, money i guess. "let's go" she said again with a commanding tone. "which kin wahala i go put myself, see as dis woman dey command me, why she wan't make i follow her, abi she wan carry me go corner make boys beat me well well because i go jam her car" i tot. We didn't walk a long distance before we got to Blue Angels hotel; a rather old hotel. Althrough while we walked Ireti didn't say a word to me, not even to complement my beautiful blue long sleeve shirt. "which kin hotel name be dis, Blue Angels, i never hear dis kin hotel name before oh" i tot as i took a sip of the 1759 i was drinking in the hotel bar while waiting for Ireti who went upstairs. Ireti came out to the bar after 20minutes, whispered something to one of the workers and went back without saying a word to me. "wetin dis woman dey plan na, abi she wan kidnap me, if she kidnap me, wetin she tink say my people go give her, me wey i no get market value. If she like make she kidnap me from now till next year, money no go come out" i tot as i ordered for another bottle of 1759. Soon, a worker in the hotel came and told me Ireti wanted me to come meet her in room 17. I almost missed the room wanting to enter room 15. I knew i was in for it. I knew it was "show time" with my sugar Mama. But i never knew there were two ladies inside. I opened the door to see what looked like a movie scene. Ireti was in bed with another lady, they were kissing, they were n'aked c'aressing each other. My d'ick didn't only stood up but it was as if it asked me "na only me for two of them?". "come to bed Ugo darling" one of the Ladies said, initially i couldn't recognise which was Ireti, but i looked Closer to see that Ireti had a bigger b'reast. I went to seat on the bed. They ignored me and continued kissing, c'aressing, and Ireti even put almost all her five fingers into the other lady's C'unt. "yeeekpa!! I don die oh, so dis women na l'esbians, why dem com call me here na" i tot. Ireti stood up, held me by my hands and took me to the bathroom. She removed my clothes leaving only my Perry Cole boxers. She put on the shower and started giving me a b'low Job. I couldn't tell if i was moaning or speaking french as she gave me a really great b'low Job. We came out of the bathroom, i was n'aked, so was Ireti. Ireti introduced the other Lady to me as Ronke. Ronke looked a bit older than Ireti, but she was for sure more beautiful. Ireti told me Ronke owns the hotel. While Ireti was saying all these Ronke wasn't Paying attention, she was looking at my huge d'ick with her mouth wide open. Ronke stood up, c'aressed my n'aked body and grabed me by my d'ick while heading towards the bed. "Madam Ronke!! take am easy oh, make u no cut my p'rick oh" i tot. I started with Ronke, bringing it in and out with my big d'ick, a d'ick that looked bigger that day. As i gave Ronke a great Bleep, I saw Ireti F'ondling Ronke's b'reast. Second half, it was Ireti's turn. As i inserted my d'ick into Ireti's fleshy C'unt, she moaned greatly. Ireti was sweeter that day, or was it because Ronke was like an "appetizer". Althrough while i f'ucked both ladies i made use of c'ondoms. I looked at the wall clock, it was 9pm. I woke Ireti and told her i would be leaving. She slipped money into my hands while she kissed me passionately. I asked her about the car, she said i shouldn't bother that she would take care of it. I didn't bother counting the money, i just left. I got outside the hotel, went to a corner, counted the money and it was 50k (1000 naira notes). "oboy see money oh, i don hamma, so Ireti get this kin money? Abi na Ronke give her make she give me?" i asked myself. As i put the money in my pocket, i touched something that was like a roll of paper. I brought it out, and......................... it was the 10k Dami gave me earlier. "omo, i don hamma oh, see money eeeeeh!!" i said happily like someone that just hit Jackpot.

when u can't drive why did u take the car

dose money are ur doom

Ur life dey expire slowly

hmmmm observing ur life

na dat kind money ah dey luk for now

Ride on

Awof..

Enjoyment guy!

sorry for you

u don' gamma tru tru

Following sha

Hmm.. Guy just dey careful sha

Continue.

Flow try to reason well,stop this Sugarboy of a thing.

following

Feed me more

Episode 19 The city of Ilesa was very beautiful that night, or was it because of the money in my pocket. I tot of buying something for my guys. So i concluded i would buy red label and fruit juice. I went to a shop to buy the things, not Ireti's shop, but a wine shop. I bought four red labels and four fruit juice. In addition to that, i bought four 400 naira recharge cards. I wanted to even buy the whole world for my guys, because they were really friends in need and indeed. "where u dey come from? wetin u carry for that nylon?" Ilorin asked at the same time as i entered the compound. "i go thief for bank, na the money wey i thief for bank dey for dis nylon" i responded, "na ur type dey thief for bank?" Ilorin said. I walked straight to Angom's room and handed him one red label and one juice. "u be my man, u be correct man" Angom hailed as he immediately opened the red label. "Flow wey my own?" Ilorin who just came in asked. "see am here" i said handing not only the drink to him but a recharge card. I gave Angom his recharge card also. "see as u dey happy like say u fit drink one red label finish, u wey get light brain" Angom told Ilorin. "na u get light brain, u drink pass me?" Ilorin said. After a little argument, they both aggreed to go on a bet. 2k for the first person to finish his red label. They both handed me their 2k, that i should give the winner the 4k. I was sure Angom would win, so i placed a 2k bet on Angom. So if Ilorin wins he gets 6k, but if Angom wins, i keep my 2k and he gets 4k. As they began, i heard Sammy's voice outside, he was around. I left Angom and Ilorin to go give Sammy his own drink and card. "i dey come now now" i said as i left. I gave Sammy his drink as i also noticed an u'gly girl was cooking outside Kelvin's room, she was cooking yam porridge. I informed Sammy of the bet and we both went to Angom's room to see the concluding part of the drinking challenge. Angom won. Ilorin was angry. I gave Angom his 4k. "oboy i dey hungry oh" Sammy said, "me sef oh" me and Ilorin chorused at the same time. "i cook oh, but e be like say d rice no sweet oh" Angom said. "make wey go Kelvin room go chop, e be like say the yam porridge wey Kelvin babe dey cook go reach us oh, e plenty" Ilorin suggested. All of us walked out of Angom's room leaving him alone as the ate his funny looking rice. This time it was another lady, it wasn't the same lady that cooked the rice and beans the other day. I gave Kelvin his own drink, he was very happy. The lady served us the Yam porridge. The yam porridge or rather "water water yam" tasted badly. The food was as u'gly as the lady that cooked it. As usual, Kelvin and the lady ate from a seperate plate. While he gulped down the red label hurriedly, the lady just drank the juice slowly. "why Kelvin dey rush dis drink na, which day him begin dey rush drink like dis, abi him wan impress dis girl, because him dey like impress girls" i tot. Before i could say Jack Robinson Kelvin had finished drinking the red label. And before i could say Jack Robinson again.................... "gbuuuuu gbuuuu gboooooo" Kelvin had threw up on the lady. I woke up early as usual, prepared myself a delicious rice, ate and drank the Juice i was suppose to give Sammy the previous day but didn't. I was off to school by 7am so as to write my lesson note for 30minutes before my usual morning assembly anchoring. As i came out of my compound, i saw someone, Omolade; the customer service Lady. "hello pretty!!" i said, "do i know u?" she said looking at my face keenly. "of course u do, am Ugo, u remember!!". "oooooooh, my bad!!, the guy that came complaining about Atm ehn?" she said. "and the guy that called u yesterday" i added. "now i remember, do u stay around?" she asked, "yes i do, thats my house over there" i said pointing. She pointed at her house and i discovered we were neighbours. "u look beautiful, i like ur hair do" i said. "thank u so much" she responded. We had a cheerful chat while we walked down the road. As we walked heading towards Dami's Shop my heart beat increased, "Dami fit dey shop oh, if she see me with dis girl wetin she go think, if to say another road dey wey we fit pass we for pass am oh" i tot. With every step i took i wished we weren't moving forward but backward. We got to the front of the shop. Dami was there collecting goods from early morning suppliers. Dami waved at me and i waved back. I was trying to let Omolade know that i had feelings for, but she told me categorically that she had a boyfriend. "me sef get girlfriend, infact girlfriendssssssss" i tot as she walked into the bank leaving me to walk alone to school. "sir, ó fine gàn" Seyi a Jss2 boy said. Seyi is popular in the school as the boy that has the award for the most stinking fart. Infact when he farts his classmates runs out of the class for their dear lives. He said his favorite food was beans, no wonder he brings beans to school in his lunch box almost everyday. "and u too" i responded as he collected the books i was holding. He was walking in front of me and i could clearly see the hole in the back side of his short. "so na mess nahim tear hole for dis boy nikka?" i asked myself and smiled. While i was writing my lesson note, i was thinking of no one else but Omolade, "she fit like me oh, maybe she want make i no disturb her nahim make she say she get boyfriend oh". "if Omolade gree for me, i no go chyke any girl again" i assured myself not knowing that Trouble would come knocking at my door soon. The bell rang and it was time to go home. As i walked home with Angom, "Uncle!! Uncle!!!", someone was calling. Me and Angom turned at the same time. It was Kehinde. "good afternoon sir" she greeted. "how are u Kehinde" i said, "fine sir, ehnn sir i came to ur house yesterday but u were not at home" She said. "ok i wasn't around, i went to see a friend, hope no problem?" i asked. "no problem sir, its just that i talked to my Mum and she said i should ask u if u could organise evening lessons for me at ur place, since WAEC is just by the corner i need to work harder in other to come out in flying colours, she said i should tell u that u should just name ur price" Kehinde said. I tot of it for a while and said, "ok, am ok by that, but it would have to be for 1hour, that is, 5-6 daily, i would let u know the price and when u will commence ok", "ok sir" she responded and left happily. "oboy u don hamma oh" Angom said. "hamma wetin? u no know say na temptation be dis" i said. "na true sha, u go dey teach her physICS and f'uckICS together, my advice for u be say no give d girl belle oh" he added. "i don hear you, Oboy eeeeh, see that fine shirt oh" i said pointing at a brown polka dotted black shirt hanging outside a boutique. "e fine oh, make we go price am na" Angom said, "price ke!! Make we go buy am jor" i concluded. We entered the boutique, we bought not only that shirt, but five other shirts and two jean trousers. Angom said he liked a beautiful Police wrist watch he saw, i told him that he can have it. I paid for everything and we left. "dis Angom too like wrist watch sef, and him get four wrist watch already oh, dis one go make am five" i tot as i looked at him while he admired his new wrist watch. The first thing we say when we got home was a female shoe in front of Sammy's door. I tip-toed closer and what i heard made my jaw droped. Sammy was having s'ex with a girl inside the room. I informed Angom what was going on with a whisper to his ears. He whispered back to my ears that we should go to the backyard and peep through Sammy's Window. A suggestion i never liked. We were peeping through Sammy's opened window and i noticed the girl Sammy was having s'ex with was Suliat; the corper in our sch. Suliat was not "all that beautiful" but as Sammy was b'anging in and out of her she looked more like an Ape. I saw Angom's d'ick rise creating a mountain on his jean trouser and i almost shouted. We were so carried away that we forgot to hide properly. Now Suliat was riding on Sammy like "Okada" so she was facing the window. "see b'ooby eeh" i said on a low voice. It was as if She heard what i said. She stoped what she was doing, took a wrapper and covered her n'aked body. I tot she had finished bleeping Sammy, but i was wrong. She whispered something to Sammy's ears, and Sammy smiled. She stood up and went to Sammy's Cupboard. She brought out a pot, it was as if there was something in the pot. "wetin dis girl wan use pot do na? abi she wan piss inside? Abi she wan chop? abi she wan cook?" i asked myself all these questions. It wasn't too long before she walked and stood opposite the window with the pot still with her. I moved a bit so she wouldn't see me, so did Angom. But one thing for sure was that our eyes were wide open to see what she wanted to do next, and ............................. "puaaaaaaaaaaa!!" she poured the content of the pot on us, it was Egusi soup "my eye oh! My eye oh!! Pepper don enter my eye oh!! I don blind oh!!" was the noise that followed.

hmmmmm

dt serves u right

Hahaha!!!

Hahahaha Dis Tory Swt O

Haaha

serves u right

Na amebo u be @flow. I love what she did

Hahahahaha

Hehe lol

Mix the Devil's beans in his bathing water and you'll see him scratching his body for hours unless he rubbed palm oil on his body to ease his tension.

Mumu corpers!

nice...next

Kikiki

Hahaaaaaa

Serves u right

lmao

Da, una worry...so una go de peep as person de fuck...like small children? Una neva fuck b4?

Lwkmd oo ... Next oo

Haaaaaaaaa

Episode 20 "so naso Sammy want make we blind abi?" i said. "e be like say dem plan am oh, e be like say dem see us, dem com plan to pour us the soup oh" Angom said as we were watching a movie in my room. "i go do Sammy back, him never know me sef" i assured. Just then, my phone vibrated, i checked it, it was a message from Oceanic bank, they had credited back my account with the 20k. I was very happy. "Flow! Flow are u in!!" someone was knocking, it was Dami. She was smelling great. The smell of her perfume clouded the whole room. She quickly came to seat by my side and kissed me. Angom wasn't watching us, his eyes were glued to the Tv screen. "I came to cook for u" she informed "ooh!! thats very kind of u" i said as i noticed she brought some things for cooking soup. Okro soup to be precise. Dami was outside cooking while me and Angom continued watching "Merlin season 1", a movie i never liked but was just watching it because of Angom. 20minutes later Dami came in asking me for palm oil. As i gave her the "Eva water container full" of palm oil, she asked "why is ur eyes as red as this palm oil?" "ehn ehn ehn!! a fly flew into my eyes", i told her a lie of the century. My eyes were actually red in colour because of the effect of the Egusi soup Suliat poured on it, Angom's eyes was red also. Dami left to continue her cooking. "puuuuuuuuuu", a very loud fart came out of my a'nus "Flow why u mess?" Angom said in fury, "make i no mess? Abi mess get toilet? No be my house be dis" i responded. "uhnnnnnnnn!! Flow dis ur mess dey smell like dead body" Angom said with his hands on his nose. "na ur mess dey smell like dead body" i responded. Immediately, Dami entered. "uhnnnnnnn!! What is smelling?" she queried. I saw from the corner of my eyes that Angom wanted to laugh, so i quickly winked at him and he didn't laugh. "maybe its those boys in the next compound smoking weed" i said another lie of the century that i knew Dami never believed. I stood up to increase my standing fan to reduce the odour. I noticed that Dami used half of the Eva water container of palm oil on the soup while she kept the container in my cupboard. "so dis girl use dis kin plenty oil for only one soup? abi the oil pour for ground?" i asked myself. 15 munites later, the soup was ready. It was smelling great but it didn't look great. The soup was an ocean of palm oil. I didn't know where to start from, i saw from the corner of my eyes that Angom wanted to laugh, i winked at him for him not to laugh, he understood and smiled in place of laugh. As i took my first swallow, oil came rolling down my palm reaching my elbow. "is it delicious?" Dami asked. I smile and answered, "yes it is" and Dami smiled back. I noticed the ratio at which I and Angom ate was 4:1. That is, if i swallow four balls of Eba, he would swallow just one. I wasn't enjoying it, but i had to let Dami know the food was Delicious, even though it tasted like p'oo. "but why Yoruba people dey like use plenty oil cook soup sef? No wonder Ibo people dey call them Yoruba, and better meat dey dis soup oh, see a Dami use oil spoil am" i tot as i saw that my Original BYC singlet has been stained with palm oil beyond recognition. We played table tennis that evening. Ilorin played better than all of us. Some "eyeh" boys came to join us, and that was the beginning of gamble. Not that i never had the money to gamble, but its just that i hated gamble. We all left leaving Ilorin to gamble with his "brothers". Angom and I was smoking in his room when a mischievous idea droped in my brain. "Angom make we put devil beans for Sammy Water wey dey outside, him wan go baf. So we go do am back for wetin him and him babe do us today" i suggested. Devil beans is a seed that looks like beans, but bigger, it has an outer body that looks hairy, the plant that produces the seed grows as a weed in bushes(i no know weda na devil beans be the English name oh, anybody wey know d name make e help us). I remembered that Devil beans grew much in barracks when i was younger. When the hairy part of the beans comes in contact with your skin, u will scratch your skin for like 2hours non-stop, unless u apply palm oil to the affected area before it would stop itching. "yes oh, na good idea oh, him go hear am, shebi him and him babe pour pepper for our eye" Angom said. Angom stood up, put a nylon bag on his hands so as to prevent the devil beans from affecting his hands. He left the room to go fetch the devil beans at the backyard where the plant grew. I was left alone in his room laughing like a Jackass thinking how the devil beans would make Sammy dance "Makosa". I was laughing because of so many things like; the fact that Suliat was still around, and that Sammy just wanted to take his bath and see her off. Angom came back to the room and met me still laughing. "i don put am for the water wey him wan take baf" Angom said. "correct!! Hope say him no see u oh, hope say u put plenty oh?" i asked. "i put plenty na, him no see me na" Angom replied, i believed him because he was good at mischief. I heard Sammy's footsteps as he walked to the bathroom. 15 minutes and we didn't hear the expected scream. 20 minutes, and i heard, "chineke meeeeeeeeeh!!! I don die oh!!". I laughed initially but Angom told me not to laugh that when Suliet is Gone, we would tell him we were the "Two devils that added devil beans" to his bath water. We rushed out and saw Sammy ran out of the bathroom Unclad scratching his skin with both hands and dancing not only "Makosa" but "Alanta". He ran to the edge of a wall and was making use of it to scratch his itchy back. He used one of his hands to cover his d'ick, "wetin u dey cover ur p'rick for, no woman dey here na, na only Suliat ur babe nahim be woman na, she don she u n'aked na" i tot as Angom helped Sammy scratch his body. Just then, i saw Suliat sneak out and ran out of our compound. "u dey run, u for wait na?" i tot. "Flow bring oil oh" Angom shouted. I went into my room, brought what was left of the Oil Dami used earlier and pour it on Sammy.

@froshberry-2 if u hv read d story bf u don't need to comment or follow it up. Suspense is what make d story interesting I won't accept u telling my audience what will happen next when am yet to post

lmao Dammy Cook oil soup, Suliat self run ..next pls

Hahhahahahaha...una wicked die

Hahaha! u people are wicked o

Bad guy!

Hahaha sammy 4get say revenge z beta serv cold

LOL ROTFL LWKMO

COMMENT LATER :g :b :s :whistle: :yes:

Hahahahahahahah

Lmfao

serves him right

hahaha

Lmao... I no read am o @skookum. :s

Lol.... Next abeg

Lol... Ride on.

Hahahahaha nnaa menh dis ppie wan kill persi for laf o devil beans don work over time.

una wicked oøo

Dis tin dey sweet me die

Episode 21 The next day, i prepared for sch, it was a bit dark in my room that morning. After i had finished taking my bath, i put on my clothes and took my blue handkerchief from below the wardrobe; where i usually keep all my handkerchiefs. I didn't even look at what i took, i just put it straight into my pocket Not knowing that the handkerchief would cause me real sorrow that day. Sammy stayed at home to nurse the wounds in his body, while the rest of us headed to school. I had class that day. The bell was rang for second period; my period. I walked into the class confidently not knowing i would walk out of the same class in shame. The topic was GRAVITATIONAL FORCE. I started by defining gravitation force. Then i said, "u see class, what ever goes up must come down, that is the universal law of gravitation". I wanted to demonstrate the law, so i brought out my handkerchief from my pocket. I threw the handkerchief up and the whole class watched it as gravity pulled it down. Some students were laughing, "why are u laughing? am teaching and u are laughing, stand up u!!" i pointed at Olu who was still laughing. At this moment the handkerchief was already on the floor. "sir!! See!!" Olu said pointing to the handkerchief on the floor. I looked and saw that the handkerchief i threw up did not only obey gravity but changed to something else .............................. A blue p'anties. I tot i was dreaming. My legs were shaking. I tried putting my brain to work but the power supply in my brain was off. The whole students in class were now laughing and cheering as i could hear some of them saying "kpátá nlà". I didn't know if i should join them to laugh or i should start crying. The power supply in my brain came back on and i could put my brain to work to recall that Juliet threw her p'anties at the place all my handkerchiefs were the last time we had s'ex "women na big problem oh, so she no wear p'ant go house that day?" i tot as i quickly grabed the the handkerchief or rather p'anties and fumbled to put it back to my pocket. As we walked back home from sch, Angom said, "e get one of my benue brother wey go celebrate him birthday tommorow oh, the guy na yahoo guy, him say na for Legendary bar him go celebrate am". "ehenn!! e get one day wey i go that bar go drink, e make sense oh, e fine wella, dem dey smoke weed for the back sef" I said. "correct!! We go reach there tommorow na" Ilorin added. As we continued walking, i saw a place where dirts were hipped, i removed the p'anties from my pocket and threw it away without any of my guys noticing. We played table tennis as we got home. It seems i was the worst player amongst my friends because they kept winning me. While i was seated waiting for my turn to play, i tot of calling Omolade. I did call her and thanked her for the role she played in the returning of the money to my account. I told her i would like the both of us to talk physically, that i wanted to tell her something important, she told me to come to her house that she just came back from work and was seating alone outside. I left my guys playing table tennis and headed straight to her house. Soon i was there, she was seating on a bench. I quickly joined her and said, "hey!! Angel, this isn't heaven, go back to heaven, thats the place for angels like u". She giggled and said, "thank u Ugo". I went straight to the point and told her how she was driving me crazy. All she told me was that she had a boyfriend. I told her that wasn't a problem, that i don't mind being her number 2 man. We talked about so many other things for like an hour as day was gradually turning to night. I glanced at my wrist watch, it was past 7. I drew closer to her and placed my right hand on her both hands. I moved my right hand from her hands to her fresh l'aps, she didn't complain. I was moving my hands gradually upwards, yet she didn't complain but giggled. "abi she dey enjoy am?" i asked myself. I was almost getting to the "destination point" when her phone rang. I quickly removed my right hand and adjusted myself. "which kin bad belle phone call be dis!!" i tot as she recieved her call speaking Yoruba. "my boyfriend is coming here now" she said after recieving the call. I didn't believe her, i tot she wanted to scare me away, so i continued, this time gradually f'ondling her b'reast. It was dark so nobody could see us. I could tell she was enjoying it, because she never wanted me to stop. But she kept telling me her boyfriend was coming and i didn't listen. I tot she was joking, "ur boyfriend dey come nahim u allow me dey do all dis things for ur body ehnnn" i tot. Now with my right hand f'ondling her b'reast and my left hand heading to the "destination point" in between her legs, i drew closer. My d'ick was as hard as a rock, "if ur boyfriend like make e come now, i no go leave u because u don dey shark me like ogogoro" i tot. I was almost at the "destination point" when a car head-lamp suddenly came shinning on us changing darkness to light "who be dis one wey dey shine us light na?" i almost shouted. I abruptly stopped what i was doing as it was obvious the person in the car had already seen us. Someone came out of the car and walked towards us. I focused my eyes to see the person. Omolade was shaking like a Jelly fish. As the person came closer i could now see his face clearly, the face was familiar....................... It was the guy on dreadlock that collected my Man u Jersey the other day. My jaw dropped when the guy asked Omolade "who is dis big f'ool?" "na ur papa be big f'ool" i almost said. I knew at that moment that i was in soup, real big soup. I was taking steps backwards, One step! Two steps!! Three steps! Four steps!! Untill i had gathered enough mementum and...................... I ran. I woke up the next morning blasting Tupac--"better days" from my sound system, i was sure that day would be "better" than the previous day, or so i tot. It was a thursday; our CDS day, so we didn't go to sch. I prepared for CDS and left to the secretariat with my guys. I was a member of FRSC CDS group. After our Local government inspector had his usual 30minutes talk with us, our CDS President a.k.a Cadet in chief told us we would be going to do traffic control at Ilesa round about. We all got to the round about and i was to control the traffic of a road that whoever was driving from my street to the round about would most definately follow. "eeeh!! You hold on there, eeeh!! u move" i was giving command to road users. Just then, a Toyota Camry 2.2 was driving towards me at a high speed. I gave a sign for the car to stop, it didn't stop but moved towards my direction wanting to knock me down. As it came closer, i was trying to decide which way to fall; by my right or by my left. Either ways, i was going to die, but the right side was a better way to die because the car would not roll over my body after knocking me down. "is the driver of this car drunk?" i tot to myself. The car screeched to a halt about 10cm from where i stood; very close. I died for 10 seconds and ressurected. "are u crazy?" i shouted. "yeah!! Am crazy, crazy for u" the person driving said bringing her head out of the car for me to see. The person driving was Ireti, Ireti and her friend Ronke. "haba!!! Ireti what kind of expensive joke is this? U almost knocked me off", "common!!! I can't knock u off darling Ugo, i just wanted to scare u a bit" Ireti said as they both burst into laughter. I gave way for them and they drove off still laughing. "una wan kill me abi, una dey laf abi? If i die who go satisfy una for bed?" i said after they had gone. I played table tennis with my guys for like and hour that evening. I was tired of being beaten in the game, so i went straight to my room to watch a black American movie, Ilorin soon joined me. We watched the movie into the night. I prepared food, we ate and continued watching. When i suddenly had a big b'ang on my door. "who be dat? U wan break the door?" Ilorin shouted. "if u no come open dis door, we go break am" a bass voice responded. My brain was sharp enough to know it was pay back time. It was the guy on dreadlock. I tot of jumping through the window, but it was too late, as Ilorin had already opened the door. "wey that boy wey wan collect my babe? See am there, make una go show am pepper" the guy on dreadlocks ordered his friends. They dragged me like i was rag, "gba! Gba! Gbe! Gba! Gbo! Gbo!" they gave me hard punches. "bros make u no vex abeg i no know say na ur babe oh" i said as i saw blood dripped out of the corner of my mouth. "but i catch u as u wan arrange her for outside na, dis boy u too dey enter my trap oh, dis na the second time now, make una bring am make i burn him p'rick with this ligther" the ordered. His two friends dragged me to him and removed my trouser and boxers to reveal my D'ick. As he put on the lighter i saw green colour of fire coming out of the lighter in place of the usual yellow colour, or was it that my eyes were failing me considering the fact that i had been beaten to stupor? "dis ur p'rick big ooh" he said bringing the already on lighter closer to my D'ick................................ Ilorin stood up from where he was lying facing the floor and said, "eyeh brodas!! Omo blue!! make una forgive am, him no go do am again, abeg, abeg, him na my padi". They must have recognised him as the guy that pleaded on my behalf the other day. "na ur padi ehn, warn am oh, warn am make him no come near my babe oh, if not, next time we go use him p'rick do suya" the dreadlock guy said as his friends freed me. I was saved by the bell. I almost lost my most precious d'ick. Ilorin saved me, for the second time.

I just dey laff in Latin

Lolz

hmmmm if not Ilorin

third time won't save u

U wont escape d third time

Hahaha dem 4 burn am

Y U Run I Tink Say U Be Kunfu Masta

lmao Blue handkerchief indeed,u got me laughing. Chai Omolade!

Hmmm, u too dey enter wahala

No learn your lesson

interesting....next

Learn ur lessons

Da guy u too get wahala, u too like women...u no de everly de satisfy with ur babe...u wan arrange person babe 4 road, eh? Chai! U get luck eh!

After enjoying the punishments.

Thank ur star

Episode 22 Flow make una dey come legendary bar na, me and Sammy dey there, make una dey come quick we don dey shayoh oh" "see us dey come". That was a phone conversation between me and Angom. "see wetin woman don cause me, shey dem swear for me? Abi na my fine boy dey decieve me" i was lost in my thoughts while we waited to board a bike to Legendary bar. I could feel serious pains in my solar plexus caused by the heavy punches i recieved. Just when i said i wanted no more disturbance from females. My phone rang, a female called. It was my Mum. She was asking me how i was enjoying Ilesa, she inquired if i had no problems, i almost told her i had a "trailer load of problems". I told her to always pray for me, a prayer i was sure would be answered by God. We got to the bar in no time to meet a big round table of six guys, we joined them to make it eight. As we drank, i suddenly noticed that two of the guys were talking to themselves with baggar's slang. "dem fit be baggar oh" i tot. I stood up and whispered to the ears of one of them to excuse me, that i wanted to talk to him. I walked to the backyard of the bar where they sold weed. I ordered for two jumbo wraps of weed. I was already smoking mine when the guy came, i offered him the other wrap, he collected it and said, "ehen! Wetin be dat? wetin u wan yan with me?", "Elele ti elele!!! I be ur brother oh, i be XYZ Flow, what of u?" i asked as i extended my hands for a handshake, "correct man!!! My name na Bad Pekin, i dey OAU, Aro mate!!!" he hailed as he "anchored" me in place of a handshake. I told him what i had been through in the hands of those eyeh boys, he asked if i wanted him to organise some boys that would deal with the eyeh boys. I told him the time was not ripe yet, that if they crossed my path again then i would fight back. "Aro MATE, we be their MATE?!!!!" He hailed. "How ordinary Eyeh boys go dey cook jellof rice for u, abi na because ur brodas no dey around? Eyeh no get mouth for OAU na" he said. To "cook jellof rice" is a slang in baggar that means to beat someone blue black. We exchanged contacts, and i promised to always keep in touch. I let out a puff of relief of the weed i was smoking. As we went to join others drinking, he introduced me to his other friend that was also a baggar. We drank different expensive drinks ranging from Henessey to red label to Don simon to Baron de romero to even the dreaded ALOMO. 10pm, and it was time to go home. I knew i was going to throw up, because i made sure i had a taste of all drinks that was served. In my head, there was this Tick-tock sound i was hearing, it was as if there was a clock in my brain. We walked home because it was late and we couldn't get a bike. As we walked i felt my legs were heavy. I was walking like i was in outer space, and.............................. "gbaaaaoooooom" i landed in a nearby gutter That night, after taking my bath i couldn't sleep in my room because it looked scary, so i slept in Ilorin's room. As i walked to sch alone that morning, i heard "Ugo! Ugo!! Ugo!!" someone was calling, i turned and saw Omolade. "Ugo, how are u today? hope u are not angry over what happened yesterday?" she inquired. I looked at her face and noticed the most beautiful Omolade has turned to a masquerade over night, i was scared of her. "pls leave me alone, i no wan die young abeg" i said, "what do mean by that?" she asked. "i mean, i am no more interested in you, your boyfriend is an animal in human skin, he almost c'astrated me" i said angrily. "u see am no more interested in you, read my lips, lets say i was just joking asking u out" i added and walked out on her. From the corner of my eyes i could see she was shocked at the way i spoke to her. School was hectic that day, coupled with the fact that there were pains all over my body. I told Kehinde she should commence her evening coaching that evening. I got home, searched for the Tupac song that would console me of my troubles. The song was "Unborn child" so i replayed it like 100times while trying to think if i would really make a right choice of a mother for my unborn child. "abi na Dami; that one na Yoruba girl, she no sabi cook, na oil-oil soup i go dey chop". "abi na Ireti; make that one use t'oto kill me? God forbid". "abi na Kehinde; that one na small girl na". "abi na Omolade; God forbid bad thing, even if she put gun for my head say make i marry her, i go tell her to shot me the gun". "Abi na Juliet; that one like money oh, but i fit manage her sha". i was lost in my tots when a knock at my door brought me back to reality. "Ugo pls, lemme explain, i don't love that buly of a guy anymore, pls!! pls!!" Omolade said as she entered my room. "how did u locate my room?" i asked "i asked a guy outside" she responded. "i go kill Ilorin today, shebi na him show dis girl my room" i tot. "Pls, if Tobi did anything to u, forgive him, i already told him i am no more interested in the relationship" She added. "pls, u are putting me in great risk by coming here, Tobi, ur boyfriend might have spies on me, pls u have to leave" I said gesturing to the door. She reluctantly turned to leave. She carried a look that says: "dis is not the last u would hear from me", while i carried a look that says: "go to hell". I watched her leave and watched Kehinde walked in for her coaching. Friday came, and the only special thing that happened was that Juliet came, we had s'ex, she emptied my wallet and left. Saturday, nothing special, just that i recieved a text message from the church informing me of the workers training that would commence the next day. Sunday; the workers training started by 7am. The pastor that was teaching us said, "u see if u must be a worker, u should flee from sin. You must not drink, you must not smoke, u must not womanize, all these are worldly things" "this pastor dey talk about me oh, i dey do all these things oh, u sure say dem no dey follow me from Village?" i tot. The main service started, i saw Dami and her Mum seated at a corner, i waved at them and they waved back. Soon the service was over, i was happy, not knowing i was going to face another service or rather sermon at home. I got home, prepared food and ate. I was about laying my bed to take a nap when i heard a knock on my door. "Ilorin i don tell u say my igboh done finish, go ask Angom him go get" i said thinking it was Ilorin. The door was open so the person knocking came in. She was a beautiful angel, a beautiful angel holding a bible "who is Ilorin?" "what is igboh?" she asked at the same time. "ehnnnn Ilorin is my Next door neighbour, ehnnnn igboh is a type of shoe polish. Ilorin actually wanted me to give him my shoe polish" i told a big fat lie. "seat down pls" i said as i could now see she was a Jehovah's Witness Preacher that came for their usual sunday house to house preaching. She is the prettiest female preacher i had ever seen. She had a big a'ss, the biggest i had ever seen after Ireti's. I couldn't tell the kind of devil that made me keep my eyes continously focused on her a'ss as she stood staring at my room. My d'ick couldn't help but rise, rise real hard. I was putting on just boxers short, the boxers didn't help matters, it made matters worse. The lady who told me her name was Tola continued preaching as i tried my possible best for her not to see my standing d'ick. But its seems my best wasn't good enough as her topic was in line with what was happening to me. LUSTFUL DESIRE was her topic. "abi she don see my p'rick wey stand?" i asked myself. 20minutes and my d'ick was still up, "wetin dey happen na, why my p'rick go stand up like dis, e no gree go down since, which kin wahala be dis na" i tot. 25minutes and still my d'ick was as hard as rock. "bros abeg go down na" i almost said as i drew my bed sheet to cover it. "is anything the problem?" sister Tola asked. "no Ma, sorry sister" i responded. "is there a problem?" she asked again with a funny look on her face. "no ehnnn Yes, i need prayers, i need prayers ooooooh" i cried. "stand up and lets pray" she said, "no, why don't you bend down and pray for me, i can't stand, i have serious pains on my both legs, pls oh bend down ooooh!!!" i cried out in jitters. 40minutes and my d'ick was not only still up but was hurting me now. She prayed for me and immediately i said........................ AMEN, my d'ick went back to normal, i was healed.

lmao

HAHAHAHA

o funny

Hmmmm,next

funny story.. pls don't stop

hmmmmm next

I have been following dis story without comment, but now I must laugh... Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha Hahahahahhahahahahahahahaha

But wiat ooo!!! Jehova witness dey pray? Flow u don lie for here ooo. Those people will never pray in ur house. Instead they will not preach to u. But na story sha, so continue.......

Lolz.flow will not kill me

lol.dope

Hahaha hahaha... I no fit laugh... Flow u no well

Dis flow self no go kill me wit laff

*0bserving.*

lol

Hahaha olelee

Hahahahahahhaahahahhahahahahahahahahaahhahaah....Flow eh, u be real womanizer...thunder go soon fire u

Lmfao

Lolz

Lol

Episode 22 "Ilorin where u dey go?" i inquired as i saw him going out of the compound. "i wan go drink Monkey tail, e be like say i get waist pain" he responded. I left the table tennis i was playing and joined him. If Monkey tail was to relieve pains, then i sure needed it, because i could still feel the pains of the heavy beating i recieved the other day. Monkey tail is a herbal mixture that is very alcoholic. I had tried it once. It works wonders in relieving waist pain. "mama Ade abeg give me 3 short" Ilorin ordered. Mama Ade gave him the 3 shorts, and he drank it with all dexterity. "Mama Ade, give me 4 short" i ordered trying to outshine Ilorin because his eyeh brothers were there. As i drank two sips from the big cup Mama Ade used to serve me, something happened. Mama Ade's monkey tail seems more alcoholic than the one i had drank before. It was very hot. As it ran down my throat, i tot my throat was melting. "make i no fall my hand oh, make i drink dis monkey tail finish oh" i said to myself as i drank more. I took a quick glimpse at Ilorin and he urged me to drink up. As i drank more, i could feel something inside as if a "Volcano was erupting" in my stomach. Inside of me was as hot as "Molten Magma". "Mama Ade, abeg come take this your cup, i no fit finish the Monkey tail wey dey inside" i almost cried out. My eyes were spinning. Profused sweat were goshing out of my body. "make we dey go Flow" Ilorin said after paying for the drink. One thing about me is that anytime i drank alcohol, it would seem as if i had suddenly become a cripple. So i looked at my legs to confirm if it was still there. It was there. I developed a new walking step. I walked as if i was wearing a "Timberland" shoe when i was only putting on a leather sandal. "why u dey waka like dis na?" Ilorin asked. "ehnnn, u say?" i queried because i couldn't get what he asked, or was it that the Monkey tail had blocked my eardrum?. "i say why u dey waka like dis?" he asked again as my eardrum were now open. "i wan learn how to waka like big man na" i responded and he giggled. My phone rang, it was Ireti. Initially i tot i saw "eti", (without the "i" and "r" as the caller, or was it that the Monkey tail made me momentarily long sighted? Ireti wanted me to come to Blue angels hotel. I knew it was time for "serious business". Legend has it that Monkey tail enhances L'ibido. So i was fully ready for the task ahead. The old looking Blue angels hotel was very colourful that evening, with beautiful ladies walking to and fro, i noticed practically all of them were putting on Blue clothes. Some young men were also there but they weren't putting on blue. Just then, i saw someone. I saw Tobi; Omolade's boyfriend or rather Omolade's ex-boyfriend with someone that looked like Ronke; Ireti's friend. Yes, it was Ronke. They were walking hand in hand like lovers. "abi Tobi nahim be Ronke sugar boy? Chai!! So na Tobi dey chop dis sweet Ronke" i said to myself. I waved at Ronke, and she waved back. On seeing that, Tobi gave me a "u wan die abi?" look, while i gave him a "bros, na u be chairman oh" look in return. He was asking Ronke something, i guess was: "do u know that big headed boy?" as they walked upstairs. I looked away to prevent my eyes from seeing the dreadful face of Tobi any further. I called Ireti to inform her i was around, she told me to come and meet her in the famous room 17. As i walked down, i saw a lady fumbling with opening the door to a room while her lover was kissing her in the neck. This lady was also on blue. "why all dis women wear blue today na, dem dey do party?" i tot as i knocked at room 17. "come in Ugo" Ireti said from inside. At that instant my d'ick stood at attention, i just couldn't tell why. "bros, behave urself na, i know say u get work to do, but just behave for now, when work wan start u go stand" i said to my d'ick. I opened the door and walked in with my d'ick still hard. The first thing Ireti saw as i came in was my bulged d'ick. She grabbed me instantly and unclothed me. I had strength to perform, i couldn't tell why. I f~ucked the living daylight out of her and she moaned loudly. "abi na the Monkey tail wey i drink?" i asked myself as i rammed into her from behind to begin the "fourth round". Ireti gave me money, i weighed the pile of money with my hand and assumed it soundn't be less than 30k. I asked Ireti why all the ladies were putting on blue, and she said, "u see Ugo, i knew i would definately tell u dis someday, well, that day is today, ehnnnn, Blue angels is the name of our female club, it is not a cult but a club for divorcee and widows." she pulsed for a while and continued, "we gather, not to harm anyone, but to help ourselves, those of us that needs sugar boys, they get hooked up by others". "ok, i can see where the name of this hotel was coined from" i said. "yeah, Ronke; the owner of this hotel is our president, and i am her vice, we meet here every Tuesday, that is today, our colour is blue" she added. "Ugo i would like to give a task to u" Ireti said. "whats the task, u know i can do anything for u" i said. "ehnn, we just welcomed new members to the club today, and some of them needs sugar boys, i would like u to hook them up with fine young men that are ur friends, of course u know these young men must be able to perform well, like u" she said touching my hard d'ick. "ok i would do my best" i assured. "thank u, thats why i love u" she said. I told her i knew Tobi; Ronke's Lover and she insisted she would go introduce me to Him. I put on my cloth, so did Ireti, we left room 17, and yet my d'ick was still hard. Ireti practically berged on Ronke. We met Ronke and Tobi n'aked. "see as dis one p'rick small, nahim him wan burn my own for fire that day" i almost spoke out as i stared at Tobi's d'ick. As i gave Tobi a handshake of friendship, he smiled, and for the first time i saw his gap teeth. We had become friends, or so i tot. Angom, shebi u been say if u see sugar mummy, u go rush am?" i asked Angom as we were smoking in Angom's room two days later. "ehen na, u don see sugar Mummy for me?" he inquired. "i don see, but u fit perform?" i asked, "Flow why u dey ask dis kin question na, u no know say any benue pekin must sabi perform? Me na original benue pekin like Tuface na" he added. "guy, tommorow, i go carry u go see somebody, but u go dey give me my cut when the money begin dey come, u hear?". I said. "i go dey give u na, kai ibo boys!! una too like money" he said. "benue boys una no like money!! Ehen no tell anybody oh, na only u i wan involve for dis tin. Ilorin no be fine boy and him no even sabi perform sef" i said. "hahahahaha!!! U too funny oh, what of Kelvin and Sammy na?" Angom asked. "them no get mind na" i reponded and we laughed. I went outside to play table tennis with others. "Ilorin, u know say Ojiga don come back from police station?" Sammy said, "ehennn!!, who bail am na?" Ilorin asked. "na Mama Alhaja na" Sammy responded. "guy we need to dey careful with our things oh, Ojiga na serious thief" i added. Soon, i lost interest in the table tennis so i told Kelvin to go bring his Chess board for both of us to play. Ilorin and Sammy were playing table tennis while me and Kelvin concentrated on Chess game. The four of us paused at the same time when we saw a drop dead angel catwalking. "chei!!!! Ilorin eeeeeh!! This one na Mammy water eeeeeh!!!" i said with my mouth wide open. "No be small thing oh, nkà wu ólùgbajié boys eeeeh" Sammy spoke in Ibo. "i go go chyke am" Kelvin said suddenly. "no go, she go fall ur hand, u no even dress well sef, na only boxers u wear oh" i cautioned. "abeg e no mean, i go go jor" Kelvin said as he walked up to the lady. I knew he would mess up, so i drew closer in other to hear their conversation. I was hiding by a wall, so they couldn't see me. "Hello babe, my name is Kelvin, what of u?" he asked, "am Bimbo" the lady responded. "ok Bimbo, Do u from this location? Does u have a phone?" he fired from his arsenal of grammatical blunders. I did my best not to laugh. But, i burst into heavy laughter when he finally said ..................................... "Bimbo i will calling u tommorow". make we go smoke for Legendary na" Ilorin suggested. "make we go na, anything wey una wan drink, i go pay, money dey" i assured. We got to Legendary. We chatted as we drank, "u know say if igboh no dey, u fit use some other local things hi urself" Angom said, "things like wetin?" i asked. "guy if u soak cloth for fuel, press the fuel comot for the cloth, con put the cloth for ur nose, as u dey breath in naso e dey hi u, e go hi u pass igboh sef" Angom said. "guy u sure wetin u dey talk?" i inquired. "i sure na, we dey do am for benue wen igboh no dey, one day i go show u how e dey be" Angom promised. "dis una igboh sef, how e dey sweet una sef?" Sammy asked. "oboy, na the sweetest thing oh" Ilorin said. "na the sweetest thing oh, but only say t'oto sweet pass am, u wan taste am?" i said offering Sammy the Jumbo i was smoking. "make i taste the thing sef" Sammy said, reluctantly, he took the weed from me. Kelvin was about saying something to make Sammy stop, but it was too late. Sammy had already dragged in and puffed out. "Sammy!! Sammy!! Sammy!!" we cheered. As he puffed out, he coughed. Ilorin, Angom and Myself were still cheering but Kelvin frowned at our mischief. The smoke was choking him. "see person wey say him hate Igboh, Igboh go show am pepper today" i tot. He dragged in again, this time shouting, "yeeeeeeh!!". I saw his eyes shuting, i tot he would run mad soon as he continously shook his head. "maybe him want make the Igboh diggest well well for him brain nahim make him dey shake him head" i tot. He was enjoying it because i could see him smiling, or was it the igboh spirit in him that ordered him to smile against his own wish?. He dragged in for the third time and ...................... He passed out. We tried reviving Sammy but to no avail, i tot he was dead. Just then, i tot of giving him Mouth to mouth resuscitation, because same thing occured in the barracks some years back and the guy that passed out was brought back to life by mouth to mouth resuscitation. "even if we go use mouth bring sammy come back, no be me go use my mouth, Sammy wey him mouth dey smell like soak-away" i tot. "make una bring water oh" Angom ordered. As i and the barman rushed to bring water i was recalling with nostalgia my first day of tasting weed. It was in the barracks, my friends told me after the incident that immediately i dragged in as i took my first kiss, i removed my cloth; wearing only boxers and telling them; "heat dey oh!!", when it wasn't sunny but cloudy (thats a story for another day). "igboh go tell u say sun na moon, and u go call sun, moon" i tot. The water was splashed on Sammy and he was still lying like a log of wood, "abi him don die, God forbid!!, imagine say him die, police go just arrest us, news to just say: A CORPER DIED AFTER SMOKING M'ARIJU'ANA FOR THE FIRST TIME, him no fit die jor, i never see where igboh kill person before jor" i tot to myself. The water was splashed on him again and the was revived. It was 10pm. We were happy our dead friend ressurected. We walked home happily; though Sammy was walking dizzily, we were still happy that at least our friend isn't dead, not knowing our Happiness would turn sadness in few seconds.

hmmm power of ighor

hmmmmm what happened

Hmmm I dont knw what is sweet in igboh

power of marijuana

Looking @ you sha.

hahahaha power of igboh

A ga-enye gi basin garri... Inusiaya ...iparu belle

Hmmm

funny story

Next, i like dis ur story !

lol problem

Hmmmm

Episode 23 stop there, where una dey go?" a vilante shouted switching on his torch light. We stoped abruptly. I took a quick glance at my watch and saw that it was 10:30; the time the vilante members resumes duty. Now the torch light was dirrected towards my eyes causing me a blurred vision. "ehnnnn we dey go our house" i cried. "na una dey rob is area abi" a guy with broad chest; who was also a vigilante shouted. "rob ke!!! We no be thief oh" Ilorin said. "shut up!! Una be thief, we go show una pepper today" one of the vilante said bringing the matchete in his hands close to my chest. "u!!! Who u be?" the one with the matchete asked bringing the matchete to touch my chest, as i could now feel the sharpness of the matchete. "i be corper, my name na Adewale Azeez" i cried out. There was a reason why i lied(u would get to know). "Awón copa" the broad chested man said. At that moment Ilorin; as the only Yoruba boy amongst us came out and was pleading on our behalf in Yoruba language. "Ok una go show us una ID card so we go know say una be corper" the one holding the matchete said. We all brought out our wallet in search of our corper's ID card. I was shocked when i couldn't find mine. "where my ID card com dey na? Abi e don lost" i tot. I instantly remembered i had used my ID card to fill a form the principal gave us to fill in sch the previous Day, i never knew my NYSC number off hand so i confirmed from my ID card, i didn't remember to put it back to my wallet. "ehen!! You, where your own ID card?" the vigilante guy queried after he had checked the ID cards of others. "ehnn, ebbbennnnn, ehnnnn" i was speaking what sounded like Swahili. "i say where ur ID card?" he shouted at me. "e don loss" i lied. "e don loss abi? Wetin u say be ur name sef" the one with the matchete queried, still bringing the matchete to touch my chest. "my name na Ug......, Adewale Azeez" i cried out. I initially lied that my name was Adewale Azeez because Ayo; my friend in camp, once adviced me that if i found myself in danger in Yoruba land, i should just think of a Yoruba name and claim it as my name, that the name would save me alot of trouble, in this case the only name i could think of was Adewale Azeez. "aah!! Omó Yoruba ní e" one of them said. I tot they would want me to converse with them in Yoruba, that would have been the beginning of my tears. They didn't. Instead, one of them said, "as u no get ID card, that mean say u no be corper, u be theif, lie down!!" he commanded. As i was about lying down, i saw from the corner of my eyes that Ilorin was walking up to them. Ilorin pleaded with them on my behalf in Yoruba for 10minutes. They freed me. Ilorin saved me again, for the third time. meet my friend An........, Victor" i almost introduced Victor as Angom to Ireti, after he had warned me severely. "Victor, its a pleasure meeting u" Ireti said giving him a handshake. We were hanging out at Captain cook that evening. Well, i would not say Angom is the kind of handsome guy every sugar mummy dreamt of, but, "him fine small sha", "dat kin Desmond Elliot type na", black hunk. "let me call my friend Funke to come meet us here" Ireti said "okay" i responded. Althrough while we waited for Funke, Ireti was Admiring Angom, "Abi dis one don dey like Angom? If she like, make she like am na, Agom fit fine pass me small, but i sabi Bleep pass am sha" i tot. "Here she comes!!!" Ireti said gesturing at the door. I was dissappointed at what i saw. "na dat old woman?" i almost asked. I was praying in my mind that it shouldn't be the old woman, but a young lady walking behind her. My prayer wasn't answered, it was her. As Ireti was Introducing Angom to Funke, i almost laughed when i saw the look on Angom's face, it read: "Flow i go kill u for house today, see the kin old woman wey u go give me". One thing was sure, i never made the choice, Ireti did. "nawa oh!!! Wetin dis kin old woman dey find for young blood sef? She no know say she don old, if my grandMama senior dis one, e go be small" i tot as i watched Angom and his "newly found love" walked hand in hand to where she parked her car outside. I and Ireti soon joined them outside. I almost shouted in surprise when i saw the kind of car Funke came with; Hummer 2. Funke told us they were both going straight to Blue angels Hotel. "omo eeeh!! My guy Angom don hamma oh, the woman old but she get money wella, see d kin car wey she dey drive, make Angom satisfy her for bed oh" i tot as they drove off. I was sure Angom would satisfy her, because like he always said: "i dey score for their net like Drogba". I was sure he would score so many goals in Funke's net, but what i wasn't sure of was if those goals could fetch him money. how the tin go na?" i asked Angom as we both sat under the tree in sch the next day, "omo! e make sense oh, u know how much Funke give me after the thing?" Angom said. "how much na?" i inquired, "oboy, na 40k oh" Angom said. "guy i happy for u oh!" i said, i actually envied him. "Flow wen i dey nak Funke ehnnn, guy i fear wen she com silent oh, she silent for 1minute, fear catch me oh, i tink say she don die oh" Angom said. "hahahahahaha!!! take am easy with that old woman oh". I said, laughing at him. "ehen, Flow u go follow me go buy something for market today oh" Angom said, "wetin u want make i follow u go buy?" i asked. "i wan buy home threatre na, so we go dey blast wella for my room" he added. "e go make sense oh, so wen we dey smoke igboh, we go dey blast tupac music, d music go make the igboh enter our brain wella, we go go buy am wen sch close" i said. After sch, were took a bike to ilesa round about electronic market. I took Angom straight to the shop of Emeka; the ibo guy that i bought my Tv set from months back. Emeka was a very handsome guy, infact all my life, i haven't seen a guy that is as fine as him. If i say he is more handsome than Ransom Noah, it is an understatement. As we bargained the price of the home threatre, i couldn't help but admire his fine face. He looked more like a g'ay. He asked me why i haven't yet paid him a visit in his house. I told him i had been busy and i promised him i would come on Tuesday. Our conversation was strictly in Ibo language. After the purchase was made, i asked Emeka for his address, he wrote it on a sh'it of paper and gave it to me telling me he would be expecting me on Tuesday evening. I was happy i had made a new friend, not knowing it would be a very wierd friendship.

what happened next

Emeka is gay I guess

emeka go tear ur yansh

Hmm!

U don enter b dat

his gaily gay

Emeka go tear ur yansh, flow!

God will save your yansh

him go bleep ur yansh tire

following..

lol

Emeka na gay

kaiii He go rob am vesseling

Hmm

Episode 24 Angom, make the post na, Ilorin don go collect ball come" i said to Angom as we were set to play football outside our compound one evening. Ilorin came, not only with the ball but with some boys, his eyeh brothers. "Flow them dis guys say them go play with us oh" Ilorin said. "ok na, no wahala" i responded. Ilorin conversed with them in Yoruba for some minutes and said, "Angom dem say make we gamble with them oh, say dem no dey like play if money no dey involve oh" Ilorin shouted from a far distance. Angom tot of it for few seconds an said, "no wahala, ask dem say how much-how much we go set". Ilorin spoke again to them in Yoruba and said, "dem say if we get mind make we set 8k". If there is one thing in life i dreaded, its gamble. So I, Angom, Ilorin and Sammy brought 2k each to make the 8k. I was sure we would win them because Ilorin was like Lionel Messi up front, Angom and Sammy was like Steven Gerald and Frank Lampard respectively, while i stood at the back like Nemandja Vidic. Kelvin was in reserve. In Monkey post, no referee, no rules, you play anyhow with your target as the goal post. I was sure no goal would enter our net because i stood like a "mountain that can't be moved" behind. They also had one of their player in reserve. Their man in reserve was drinking from a big bottle of dry gin "dis tin wey dis guy dey drink, him heart no dey burn" i tot, considering the fact that if i was the one drinking it, my heart would have totally burnt down, i would have been "heartless". Our man Kelvin in reserve was holding our phones. The money was kept on the floor, at a corner, under a stone. The game started. I saw a fierce battle between Ilorin and one of their player, Ilorin collected the ball, passed back to me, "Ilorin no dey pass dis kin back pass oh, make own goal no go happen for here oh" i tot and i passed to Angom. Five minutes and no goal, maybe it was because the two sides concentrated on their defence in other not to concieve a goal because whoever scores first carries the day. Now, one of their player was heading towards me, he ran at a very high speed with a great zeal to dribble me and score. "dis one wan dribble me abi, him no fit pass me oh" i tot, not knowing he had a different plan. An evil plan. He passed the ball to another player, and let out a kick to my d'ick. I fell to the floor like an "Iloko tree" shouting, "i don die oh!!, my b'lockus don burst oh!! Make una help me oh!!". GOAL!! GOAL!! GOAL!!!, they had scored us. I tot i felt something watery rolling down my right l'ap, "abi my b'lockus don burst?" i asked myself as i continued shouting, "make una help me oh!!", my guys came to my rescue dragging me up. Angom said, "Flow ur b'lockus don burst oh, u no go fit give woman belle be that oh", "na ur papa b'lockus burst" i cursed and they all laughed. My balls were seriously giving me disturbing pains, so i went to Ilorin to ask him if he had anything i could apply that would relieve the pains. If only i could tell the future, i wouldn't have gone to Ilorin's room that night. "Ilorin u get anything wey i go fit rub for this my b'lockus wey go make am stop to dey pain me?" i asked as i entered Ilorin's room. "i get na, take dis tin" he said handing a stunt bottle container to me. "Rub dis tin for there, e go stop, nahim i rub wen i get boil for my n'yash, the boil com disappear one time" he added. "wetin be the name of dis tin na?" i asked. "the name na Aboniki, my uncle dey work for the company wey dey produce am, so anytime wey i go him house i dey collect plenty" Ilorin said. "how i go take use am na?" i inquired. "u go first baf, if u baf finish, u go com rub am, e go pepper u oh, but na only small e go pepper u" he responded. "i no want anything wey go pepper me oh" i said, "if e no pepper u that mean say e no work na? nahim make me say make u baf, if u baf com rub am, e no go pepper u pass 1minute, e go com stop and ur b'lockus sef go stop to pain u" he assured, not knowing he was f'ooling me. I was very happy i had gotten the final solution to the pains in my balls, not knowing i was holding a bottle that would bring me tears. I took my bath, stared at the bottle and saw ABONIKI BALM written boldly on it. As i sat in my room alone, i had concluded that immediately after i had finished appling the "elixir" i would hit the bed and sleep, not knowing ABONIKI would murder my sleep that night. I applied it on the affected area. I waited for 20seconds for the burning sensation Ilorin warned. It started, it was increasing by every seconds count. "yeeeeh!!! I don die oh, dis thing dey pepper oh" i shouted. The sensation increased, this time unbearable. "my b'lockus oh!! Ilorin don kill me oh!!" i shouted at the peak of my voice. I flung the Aboniki container on the floor and rushed out n*aked shouting, "Fire oh!!! Fire oh!!! Fire!!! Fire!!!". "where fire!!! where the fire!!" Angom shouted running towards me. "fire eeeh!! My b'lockus dey burn for fire oh!!" i cried pointing to my d'ick. Angom laughed uncontrollably. "bring water oooh!!" i shouted at Angom. He searched all the buckets in the compound, but non was containing water. As i ran to the bathroom, i saw a dirty looking bucket containing something that looked like water. I hurriedly poured the "water" on my body......................... "Aaaaaah!!! S'hit water!!!" i cried out, as i remembered it was the same bucket Mama Alhaja always p'oo on because she couldn't bend down to use our pit toilet The next day was Saturday. I had already forgiven Ilorin because, though the Aboniki almost peeled off my skin, it worked. My balls were back to normal. "Mr Ugochukwu, just sign dis documents, and we would hand u over the keys to your house" a chubby man said. I took a glimpse at the beautiful masterpeice and smiled. It was my picture perfect dream house. As i was about signing the documents,........................... The loud ringtone of my phone brought me back to reality. I was dreaming. "oooooh God!! Which kin bad belle person dey call me na, na now wey i wan sign the document of my house nahim the person go call" i grumbled. I took my phone and saw that it was Chioma, the adorable Chioma. "wetin dis one dey call me for sef, i don even forget weda she still dey alive" i tot. I answered the call. She wanted me to come pick her at Ilesa roundabout. She said she wanted to spend the weekend with me. She came to Ilesa without informing me before hand. "see me see wahala oh, na today wey Juliet wan come nahim dis big head Chioma go dey come" i tot as i put on my cloth to go pick her. Just then, i glanced at my rolex wrist watch, it was past 10, i had over slept. I welcomed her to my room and she told me i had a beautiful room. She was sure more beautiful than the last time we saw in camp. "i heard there is a tree in Ife, that is called beautiful tree, and ladies go there to pluck the fruits to eat and become more beautiful, when last did u eat from the tree? because u look angelic" i flattered. "hahahahahaha!! Ugo u are funny, abeg there is no such tree oh, and u look handsome too" she said. She kept me indoors throughout telling me about her experience so far at the place she was serving. I didn't go out to play table tennis with my guys neither did i go out to smoke with Angom and Ilorin. Infact, i didn't step my foot outside for once, but i had to go outside when my phone rang. It was Juliet, she told me why she didn't come as promised was because she had so many clothes to wash. "thank God say u no come sef" i tot as i walked back to my room. Not knowing that some things had developed wings and flew out of my room. Chioma cooked, we ate, and watched movies, and when it was time for me to "enter the place", i was disappointed. She said she was on her p'eriod. "so u know say u dey ur period nahim u com come my house abi, na Television u wan come watch for my house? Abi u no get Television for your house? u dey mad oh" i tot as i lay on my bed feeling very disappointed. Sunday came. "where my watch and necklace come dey na?" i said as i was seriously searching for my wrist watch and necklace, "maybe one of ur neighbour came to collect them yesterday without telling you" Chioma said. I went to church without a watch and a necklace leaving her at home. I came back from church happy because of the wonderful service, not knowing that some more things had developed wings and flew out of my room.

Lmao. Chioma stole them.

Lolz...chioma!

Chioma dey steal ni? Na wa o..

Which kind thief she be na

Chioma don pack everything

Chioma wan run u down na

lol empty huz

Flow de playmaker

Na wa o

Episode 25 It was time for Chioma to go and i was still looking for my wrist watch and necklace. I went to the rooms of all my guys to ask if they came to my room to take my wrist watch and necklace. None of them did. "but how dis girl go be thief? and she know book well well dat time wey we dey school oh, how she go fine like dis com be theif?" i asked myself. She noticed i wore a gloomy face and asked, "i hope u are not suspecting i took ur wrist watch and necklace ehnnn?", "common!! How would i suspect u? like u said maybe its one of my neighbours, i would ask them later" i said, "Ónyé Óshi!! Na u thief am jor" i almost told her. When she was in the bathroom taking her bath, i hurriedly searched her bag, but i couldn't find the wrist watch and the necklace. "who com take this thing na?" i pondered. As she was about taking the final step out of my room, "abeg na, if na u take am give me na, abeg" i almost said. I felt like crying because the two items were expensive. She instantly turned and asked, "will u not give me money for transport?", "u dey mad there!! i dey talk say my things don lost, u dey talk say make i give u transport money, i resemble ur papa?" i almost said, "why won't i, i will of course" i responded. I quickly raised up my Tv, expecting to find money, but i didn't find any. Flow bank had been robbed. "Flow, lemme go ease myself in ur toilet" Chioma said as we came out of my room. "Ole!!! u tink say i no get sense, u don hide my wrist watch and necklace for toilet" i tot. "i think someone just entered the toilet" i said a necessary lie. "ok i would wait for the person" she said. I was definately not ready to loss the battle to get back my wrist watch and necklace, so i said, "see Chioma it would soon start raining, its better u start going so it wouldn't rain on u" i said grabbing her hands and heading towards the gate. With the look on her face, i was 100% sure the stolen items was in the toilet. "u see Chioma, i don't have any money to give u for transport fare, we haven't been paid Alawi and i am very broke" i said another necessary lie. "shebi u don thief 3k from under my Tv, use am as transport na" i almost cried out. "no problem, i will manage" she responded. My happiness was that i emptied almost all the money in the Flow bank into my wallet the previous day, leaving only the 3k she took. She couldn't get my wallet, i never could tell why. There was 10k in my wallet and it was still there, i had confirmed. "bye bye!!" i said and waved at her as the bike she boarded moved. I couldn't wait for the bike to go far, "my Rolex watch eeeh!! My necklace eeeh!!" i shouted heading straight to the toilet. Break don reach oh, make we go drink coke for Mama Kola place na" i said to Angom as i heard the bell for break. "Mama Kola, abeg give us two bottle of coke and two bons" Angom ordered as we sat at Mama Kola joint. Mama Kola's little boy; Kola came 2minutes later and served us what we ordered. If there were to be an award for the most stubborn student in our school, it would be given to the Jss3 boy called Kola. He usually leaves sch during break to come assist his mum with sales. His mum's shop was close to the sch. Sometimes, i wondered why the sch gateman always allowed Kola out of the sch after the principal had warned that nobody should leave the sch during break. "abi him dey jump fence?" i asked myself as i drank the coke. Kola sat on a chair beside us, staring at us an listening to our conversation. "Angom, today na Tuesday oh, na today blue angels dey meet oh, and u know say after their meeting, dem go need us to come do our work" i said "work" because the stubborn Kola was still listening to us and i didn't want to say "f''uck". "Eheen na, we go go arrange our sugar mummy na" Angom said. Instantly, from the corner of my eyes, i saw Kola walking towards us. "Kola, let us finish drinking before u will come for money na" i said, "Uncle, i didn't come for money" Kola responded. "then why are u standing here?" Angom asked. "i want to ask a question sir" the stubborn Kola said. I tot it was a reasonable question. "Sir, i heard u saying sugar mummy, what is sugar mummy?" Kola asked. I tot of instantly giving him a dirty slap, but, i dare not. because if i do, i might spend the rest of my service year in police cell. Saying Mama Kola was the most troublesome woman in Ilesa is and understatement. So you dare not lay your hands on her only son in her presence. "u see, Kola, Sugar mummy means ehnnnnn, u see, since Sugar is sweet!! So, a mummy that is sweet is Sugar Mummy!! So, Kola since ur Mummy is sweet to u, u can call her ur Sugar mummy" i served Kola a hot plate of lie. Kola smiled and shouted, "Mummy!! U are my sugar mummy" telling his mum who was seating inside. His mum was an Illiterate so she didn't know what sugar mummy meant, so she responded saying; "Kola, u are my sugar boy". "why u explain that kin tin for Kola na?" Angom asked as we walked back to the sch, after break. "so u want make i tell am the real meaning of sugar mummy abi? U want make him tell us say him want sugar mummy? U no know say that boy stubborn?" i responded. "where u dey go?" Angom asked as i strayed towards the boys toilet. "i wan go piss" i responded. "ok, i get class now" Angom said. I walked alone to the boys toilet, no knowing what my eyes would behold there.

Wetin ur eyes see again, oga Flow!

Sugar mumu Kola!

Lmao. . . .

Hahaha next

so what happened

what

wetin u see

Na u dey see everything

Wat ar we seein dis tyme

wetin you saw

Episode 26 As i was urinating in the toilet, my nose percieved something. Something that smelt like weed. "maybe dis canteen people dey cook, and na their food dey smell like dis" i tot. I was thinking the smell came from the canteen next to our sch. The smell came again, this time stronger. I was sure someone was smoking weed nearby. As i tip-toed to where the smell was coming from, i heard footsteps. "stop there!! I have already seen ur faces, if u run!!" i commanded. It was two boys; Taiwo (kehinde's twin brother) and James. "what are u doing here?" i inquired. "ehn ehn ehn ehn!! Uncle, we ehn ehn, we came to s'hit" Taiwo stammered. "u came to s'hit ehn? what is in ur hand?" i inquired. At that moment i saw Taiwo quickly deeped his hands with the weed into his pocket, i pretended i didn't see what he did. "nothing sir" he responded. "ok, lemme see ur hand" i said. They were both as fidgety as a Jelly fish. "mumu boy, because of fear e don go put weed wey dey on for him pocket, him trouser go soon catch fire" i tot. "my friend!! what is in ur hand!!" i shouted, making them start shaking like they had been electrocuted. "what am i smelling? So u are smoking ehn? So u smoke?" i said, "no Uncle we are not smoking oh, we came to burn paper, u are smelling the paper we are burning" James said a rubbish lie. "dis one think say i no know how weed dey smell, e no know say i be "Ezendiigbo 1" of weed smokers for Ilesa" i tot. At this moment i could see that the weed was burning Taiwo's pocket already. "i want make ur pocket catch fire, abi u no wan show me wetin dey ur hand? infact na all ur trouser go catch fire" i tot. "so all ur mates are in class and u are here smoking indian h'emp!!" i said. James postrated instantly and pleaded saying; "Sir, we are not smoking india oh, we are not smoking india". Taiwo did not postrate, but stood shaking I could see smoke was coming out of Taiwo's pocket, the weed was burning his pocket. I didn't want the weed to burn only his pocket, i wanted a full scale inferno. Taiwo was almost crying, the weed in his pocket was hurting him seriously, he didn't want to give up and bring out the "hand with the weed" from his pocket, until............................... "Mò gbé oh!!!" he shouted running to the toilet. A minute later, the toilet was flushed, but what i wasn't sure of was if he had flushed himself down the toilet. guy, enof money oh, how much u get from Funke sef?" i asked Angom as we were coming back from the Blue Angels hotel after a hard day's f''uck. "omo dat woman give me enof money oh, na 30k oh" he responded. "me, i never count my own wey Ireti give me oh" i said. "guy i don tayah well well, my waist dey pain me oh" i complained, "how ur waist no go pain u, wen u like to dance Makosa on top Ireti, make dat woman no kill u oh" Angom cautioned. "u dey mad, na u woman go kill, Ireti no be Old woman like Funke na, u wey wan kill old woman wit f''uck nkor?" i said. "wait oh guy, i dey think of say make i use all dis money wey i dey get from Funke use start business oh, abi how u see am?" Angom said. "e make sense na, na which business be dat sef?" i inquired. "i wan dey move things like; yam, beans, honey and garri from benue state come dey sell for all dis market women here, i go make enof gain oh" he added. "no stress, e dey ok na, but u go save enof money oh, no be small money them dey use start dat kin business oh" i advised. Just then, my phone rang, it was Emeka. I immediately remembered i had promised him i would come on Tuesday. He asked if i would still come as promised, i told him i would be in his house in 30minutes time. I glanced at my "famous" Rolex wrist watch, it was 6:30pm. I told Angom i wanted to go see Emeka, he said he would have loved going there with me, but just that he wanted to go write his lesson note. So he left. I stopped a bike, "I dey go Isokun, how much?" i asked, "kpuhunnnnnn" the bike man let out a big cough. As he did, catarrh came flying out of his nose, the catarrh saw no other place to rest but my face. "aaaaaah!! oga, wetin be dis one na, i ask u how much i go take go Isokun, na catarrh u trowey for my face" i cried, as i brought out my handkerchief to wipe the catarrh off my face. "no vex oh, i get cough and catarrh, i no well, na 50naira to go Isokun" he said. "only u, get cough, u get catarrh, and u no well, e fit be HIV oh, go check urself oh" i said, "abeg dey go, i no go enter ur bike, because any time wey i enter bike i dey like open my mouth make breeze enter am, and if i open my mouth for dis ur bike, na catarrh u go use feed me night food, dey go jor" i added. I tot of throwing away the catarrh soiled handkerchief. "abeg, i no go troway am jor, i like dis my blue handerchief well well, if i reach house i go wash am" i tot, putting it back to my pocket. I concluded that i would walk since Isokun was just 10minutes walk from there. I haven't walked for 5minutes when my eyes saw a gory accident. It was an accident involving the same bike i wanted entering 5minutes ago. The "catarrh" bike man was lying on the floor. He was crying bitterly. I tot he was dead. As i came closer to where he was lying helpless, i realized he wasn't dead, because he was muttering something in Yoruba. The other bike man was not moving, maybe he was dead. I saw blood goshing out of the face of the "catarrh" bike man, his forehead was injured. In other for blood not to enter his eyes, i quickly brought out my handkerchief to cover his eyes. The soiled handkerchief, "shebi na ur catarrh dey for the handkerchief, catarrh go enter ur eye be dat na" i tot almost laughing. At that moment, people had gathered around, someone had even offered to rush the injured bike men to the hospital with his car. "so na so i for take die, e remain small wey i for enter that bike oh, God i thank u oh" i tot as i walked into Emeka's compound, not knowing something would chase me out. A Dog, a huge dog. I initially tot it was a lion. If there is any animal created by God that i have phobia for, it is a Dog. Even a puppy could scare the living daylight off me, but this one was sure not a puppy but a lion, or so i tot. I ran as fast as my legs could go wishing i had four legs that could make me run faster. "Emeka oh!! Lion oh!! Emeka oh!! Lion oh!!" i was shouting as i ran. It was as if Emeka heard me shouting, so he shouted "Jade!! Stop there!!". I tot i heard, "Jade!! Get him!!", so i continued running out of the compound. "Ugo come back, the Dog is no more chasing u" Emeka said from the balcony upstairs. I couldn't take a step, until Emeka came and walked with me upstairs. His room was heaven on earth. "oboy e don tay wey AC blow me like dis oh, even the AC for Blue angels hotel no blow reach dis one oh" i tot as i drank the champagne he offered me. He sat close to me; too close for comfort. His fingers were caressing my shoulders, moving towards my neck as he said, "Ugo, éwú kwâ fine boy oh". "u dey mad, rubbish h'omo" i almost cursed him. His hands were now moving to my broad chest as he said, "just allow me to do u, i will give u plenty money, i get money yanfu yanfu". "na your papa u go do, no be me" i almost cursed him. He tot he was turning me on, he didn't know i was planning something. Something evil. I stood up and unlocked my belt, as if i was ready for the show to begin. He Stood up also, came close to me and his hands were going down to remove my trouser completely, i smiled, i didn't complain. I assisted him in removing my trouser, i smiled again, i didn't complain. Now with just my boxers on, he knelt down and wanted to start giving me a b'low job, and................................... I gave him an Uppercut that could knock out even the best boxer in the world. It did knock him out and he was lying unconscious on the floor. I couldn't even wait to put on my trouser, i just ran out. As i ran out with full speed, i heard a loud bark, it was Jade. I didn't stop running but increased my pace. Jade chased me until....................... I sighted a bike, waved at it, it stopped, i quickly jumped on it and ordered the bike man to move.

Hahaha

hahahahq

Lolz...

Lol

Na wetin u kno how 2 chop go kill u

Lol..

lol you get luck

Mmmm bad friend

Hahahaha jade 4 katch u naw

Hmmmm....guy, u wicked die, bt u 4 no do am like dat nah...u 4 jst calm am dwn, tell am 2 4get abt it, and u go ur way.

lolz

hahaha,no b small tin o

lolz

Lolz

Episode 27 I got home almost n'aked with only by boxers on, holding my trousers. "where u dey come from wey u dress like dis na?" Ilorin asked. "i dey come from ur papa house" i responded. "Abeg, wetin una cook, i dey hungry well well" i said. "food dey na, na ogbono soup wey i cook, all of us wan chop am for outside as heat dey inside house" Ilorin said, "e go reach me abi?" i asked. "e go reach u na, e plenty na, meat plenty inside sef, na general food na" He assured. I went into my room, 2minutes later, i heard, "flow do quick na, we dey wait u oh" Sammy said from outside. An angel whispered to me to wash my hands in my room before going to eat with them outside. That angel save me from eating poo. I washed my hands and joined them outside, "flow, wash u hand na?" Kevin said, "i don already wash hand for my room" i responded. As we were half way through the tasteless ogbono soup. I noticed something. The big bucket they all used in washing their hands was the same bucket Mama Alhaja always used as her "water and closet" toilet, the same bucket i used to bath myself the day Aboniki almost killed me. "all of una na mumu, una don use Mama Alhaja s'hit bucket use wash una hand" i said. They all stopped eating. I saw Angom threw up. They ran to their various rooms to wash their hands properly, never to return again, leaving me to eat all the meat alone. Like 20 peices of meat. The angel saved me. That angel must me the commander in chief of meat in heaven. MY SCORE CARD: (when i was in the university) woman: 81/100 Drink: 85/100 weed: 92/100 (when i had spill over in sch)<----- this would be my next story, watch out. woman: 20/100 Drink: 96/100 weed:97/100. (during my service year in Ilesa) woman: 97/100 Drink: 58/100 weed: 60/100 MY SEX TIME-TABLE (during my service year) Monday: Kehinde or Dami Tuesday: Ireti (of course) Wednesday: Dami Thurday: Kehinde Friday: Omolade(u would know why as u read on) or Dami Saturday: Juliet (of course) Sunday: i rest. I wouldn't say i was a womanizer. But from the above score card, u would aggree with me that i am authomatically turned into a womanizer when i have them in abundance around me. "i no been like woman like dis oh, why tins come be like dis for me na, even my guys, all of them get only one or two babe, my own plenty, why my own be like dis na, if any of this my babes catch me with another one ehn, i don die be that oh", i was thinking deeply when Ilorin brought me back to reality shouting; "Flow, u no go go sch, today na inter-house sport oh, we don late oh". Lord, i ask for forgiveness of my sins, have mercy upon me and draw me closer to you, thank u for my yesterday, thank u for my today. Lord pls let my enermies fall to the ground.......................... AMEN" I Prayed that morning. That day was a Saturday. I took my bath, put on my red T-shirt crested; "red house" behind, my track suit trouser and a pair of white sneakers. Ilorin was the corper in charge of Blue house, Angom was the corper in charge of Yellow house, Sammy was the corper in charge of Green house, Kelvin was the corper in charge of Pink house. While, "Yours Truly" was the corper in charge of Red house. We were all assisting the members of staff appointed as the House Masters, so we were like Assistant House masters. I couldn't tell if it was a coincidence that Me and Ilorin were given the colours of our fraternities to represent. I was happy i was represent the colour of the fraternity i belonged to during my sch days, not knowing i would end up disgracing the colour. We walked to sch all wearing the colours of our houses. It was as beautiful as the rainbow. We were indeed late, as they had already started match-pass. I was staring at the arse of Lola who was in charge of match-pass in my house as it shook rhythmically while she was matching behind the students, "wetin u dey look? U dey look my babe nyash abi?" Angom queried. "no oh, i just dey look her because she sabi match" i responded. After the match-pass, the score for that stage was reading: Yellow house 79%, Red house 70%, Pink house 59%, Green house 50%, Blue house 41%. "why dis Suliat no sabi match sef, i no know who put her make she dey in charge of our matching sef" Ilorin complained. "As she worwor, naso her matching worwor" i said, forgeting that Sammy; her boyfriend was seated by my side, "make i no hear that tin for ur mouth again oh" Sammy cautioned. It was now time for athletics. It was really a beehive of activities, as Students where showing the stuff they were made of. At the track, i saw the Stubborn Kola ran very fast taking first position, i was happy not because he came first, but because he came first representing my house. I looked at the score board, Yellow house was still leading, just that Red house had dropped one place down. "mumu, your house dey win, u dey here dey sleep" i said to Angom who was sleeping behind me like he had been stung by a tsetse fly, "abeg leave me make i sleep, if dem win, them go give me money?" he responded. "dem no go give u money, but as u dey sleep, try close ur mouth, make fly no enter am" Kelvin added The house master's race kicked off, with my pot bellied house master coming last. To crown it all up was the Corper's race, so all eyes were on us as we stood in the starting line. "on your Mark, Set, GO!!", we were off. I ran as fast as i could, but it was as if i was running backwards, my legs were failing me. I soon found out that i had a "companion" lagging behind with me. That companion was Ilorin. It was like a race of "fraternities". I never wanted Bagga to come last and he never wanted Eyeh to come last. Me and Ilorin Lagged behind, while others where battling in front to the finish line. I could see Lola was leading the race, while Angom was next. Ilorin was trying his best to make his Eyeh "Bird" fly faster, while i was trying my best for my Bagga "Ship" to sail faster, but how could i sail when there was no ocean? Ilorin was some Centimetres ahead of me so i increased my pace. Until.......................... "gbuduuuuuuuuuun" he fell to the ground like a bag of salt. The prayer i prayed that morning was answered, an enemy had fallen to the ground. I came last but one.

Continue pls... Flow you will not kill me with laughter

Hahahahahahahah ..... Flow u no go kill me

Kikikikiki

Hahaha

hahahaha flow

haha,

lol

haha

hahahaha

hahahah guy you too much

Hahahahahaha, flow baba no break my ribs o! Inshort, dis na my story for d year, after "letting go" by Audrey Timms!

hahaahhahaahah..flow flow

Hahaha,but wat

LOL

nice one

Episode 28 "guy since two days now, we never get light, e b like say our tranformer spoil oh" i said as we were playing table tennis outside one evening, "guy dem say our tranformer blow oh" Angom said. "make we go Osupa barbing salon go charge our phone na" i suggested. Osupa was a short guy that owns the barbers shop down the road. Osupa was a fetishist, no wonder he had more customers than other barbers shop around. He cuts hair and also runs a game house in the same shop. While our phones were charging, we kept ourselves busy playing play station 2. I was master of the game, so i won them all flawlessly. The funniest win was when i won Ilorin 11-0. Ojiga soon joined us. Ojiga played better than me, winning me 3-1. Sammy and Kelvin did not come with us because their phone batteries were not down. My phone rang, it was Sammy, he told me Dami was around. I left my phone charging and headed straight home. I got home and saw that Dami brought some Goodies. We ate the fried rice and drank the fruit juice she brought. I was longing to have s'ex with her because it's been long i did. I was kissing Dami passionately, raising an e''rotic feeling in me. I was about to uncloth her when suddenly, "Flow, Angom say make u dey come Osipa barbing salon now, him just call me now, him say yawa don gass, say make u dey come now now oh" Sammy shouted from outside. "wetin be the yawa wey gass na, him no tell u?" i inquired. "him no tell me oh, him say make u dey come now now" Sammy said walking to his room. "abi dem don theif my phone?" i asked myself. "am coming right back, we will continue from where we stop, just give me 2minutes" i told Dami, not knowing even 2hours would not be enough to settle the "Yawa". In Osupa's barbers shop, many phones and laptops had developed wings and flew. If you charge your phone there and u don't keep an eye on it, just forget that phone, it is gone. "but why Angom and Ilorin no look my phone for me? but how my phone go just disappear like that na?" i tot as i walked to Osupa's shop. Not knowing i was wrong. My phone wasn't the "yawa". guy, Femi say him laptop and him phone wey him dey charge here don disappear oh, and him dey suspect us oh" Ilorin said as i entered the barbing salon. "how e take happen na?" i asked. "dem say na immediately u comot nahim d thing lost oh, and them dey suspect u oh" Ilorin added. "no be me take ur laptop and phone oh, wetin i wan carry am do na" I said to Femi, "i no talk say na u, but i know say na one of una, and we go catch that person today" Femi assured. Though i was a member of a fraternity that our motto was: "looting and flexing", and a commandment of looting was: "loot, but never be caught". Still i never bought the idea of looting(stealing). After like ten minutes of argument, "ok, we go know who thief the laptop and phone today, we go go babalawo, my broda na babalawo, we go go there now" Osupa suggested. "we go must go babalawo, yes we must go" Femi added. My prime suspect was Ojiga, because from the look on his face, he was scared of going to babalawo. We all agreed that babalawo was the last resort and we left for the babalawo's shrine. I looked at my famous rolex wrist watch, it was past 6. I sent a message to Dami telling her to go home, that i had to attend to something important, that i would be back very late. Since i was born, i haven't gone to a babalawo's shrine before, that day was my first, and i promised myself it would be the last, or so i tot. At the babalawo's place, the scary environment made me kind of fidgety, making Femi suspect me the more. Ojiga was more Fidgety. The babalawo spoke gibberish for 10minutes and started speaking Yoruba language. Ilorin interpreted it to I and Angom whispering. The Babalawo wanted all of us to drink a liquid from a calabash. Whoever was the thief would instantly turn to an i''mbecile. I was to go first because i was at the extreme. I suddenly developed this boldness, owing to the fact that i was sure i never stole the items. As i took a sip of the liquid, i suddenly developed goose pimples because the liquid tasted like urine. "dis babalawo dey mad oh, na him piss him carry give us make we drink" i cursed as i managed to swallow. Femi was staring at me thinking i would soon metamorphose into an i''mbecile. He waited in vain. Angom drank and was still his normal self. But when Ilorin drank the liquid, i was surprised, his walking step changed, "my guy don turn imbeh oh" i tot. I was wrong. It was one of his unreasonable pranks. It was Ojiga's turn. Ojiga the "Anini" was to go drink the "red wine" the babalawo was offering. I tot i heard him cried. He wasn't crying but muttering something in Yoruba, something i guessed was: "i don die today oh, i go confess oh". I heard the sound of rhythmical fart coming from Ojiga's a''ss. He was shaking like a Jelly fish, and staring at the calabash, and.................................. He confessed. We conducted 2nd term Exams for the students, marked and scored them, and they vacated. Kehinde was the highest in physics. Before we vacated, the principal alloted subjects to all teachers(both corpers and full staff) to invigilate in the May/june WAEC that was to commence in few weeks time. We were to invigilate along side the external WAEC Examiner. I was to invigilate Mathematics. We resumed in no time. The WAEC was to start by next week. "guy Igboh no dey dis time oh, to see igboh buy no dey easy, even if u see am sef, e don cost" i said as we shared a small stick of weed in Angom's room one evening. "na so oh, but e get wetin we go dey smoke anytime wey we no see igboh buy" Angom said. "wetin be dat?" i inquired, "na Cow s'hit wey don dry. U know say Cow dey chop grass, so if dem s'hit, their s'hit come dry, na Igboh be dat oh, e dey high pass the main igboh sef" Angom said. "ehenn, e get one place wey all this Malam dem dey train Cow for the next street, we go go there go park the s'hit" Ilorin concluded. I was happy, that at least we have gotten a cheaper substitute for weed. Like the saying goes: "when the prefferable is not available, the available becomes prefferable". Not knowing the "available" would almost make me go nuts.

Nuts, here it come.

Hahaha Nut ke

hehehehe....

Nut keh

I Know Sum Dont Know D Meaning,nuts Is Anoda Word 4 Insane/mad @froshberry-2

Hahaha Cow Shit Ke?

Smile

nuts how many days

Hehe... See me see willy, did I tell you I don't know the meaning? @willingyung

hmm

Wow, so cow shit strong like dat!

Soon u will get mad with that your weed

What I Meant Was Maybe U Hav 4gotten It Bkus U Finished Sec Sch Years Ago @froshberry-2

still following

Hehe... iyen o mean now! @willingyung

I Hear U @froshberry-2

0k

LOL..

hahahahaha

lol cow shit kwa ah go try am

Next

Ah pity ur future

Lols

Episode 29 guy i see Ojiga wear one of ur jeans oh, na u give am?" Ilorin asked as we sat in Angom's room waiting for Angom to finish wrapping the dried Cow s'hit, "no be me give am oh" i yelled. "so na him thief that my trouser wey i dey find since, that guy na f'ool oh" i said. "no mind that boy, him get first class for thiefiology, see how him take move that laptop and phone comot for Osupa shop and him no comot for the shop throughout" Angom said. "na him guys wey him send text make dem come, na dem move am na" Ilorin added. Now it was time; the time we were all waiting for. Time to have a taste of the "tantalizing" dried Cow s'hit, so i tot. Angom took the smallest wrap, "bad boy, u wey u don smoke Cow S'hit before, u carry the small one abi? So that me and Ilorin go run mad abi?" I tot, as i quickly grabbed the smaller leaving Ilorin with a Jumbo that was as huge as the combination of that of Me and Angom. Angom started first, and he beckoned on us to start smoking ours. Angom puffed, and a huge smoke clouded the room. I saw that Angom was enjoying it so i took my first drag in. "yeeeeeeeh!!, pepper dey dis thing oh" i cried out. "nahim make am make sense na" Angom said. Just then, i saw that Ilorin had gone half way through his Jumbo, "dis Ilorin get mind oh, see as him don almost finish him own, abi the thing no dey high am?" i tot, not knowing i was wrong. I couldn't smoke half of my wrap, i was already seeing stars, what i was seeing looked more like birds than stars. Suddenly Ilorin yelled, "yeeeeeeh!! Flow see fire for your head oh", "where the fire?" i asked touching my head, "see am na, e go burn enter ur face oh" Ilorin said pointing at my head. "u don dey kolo oh, i dey talk say plenty bird dey fly for dis room, u dey talk say fire dey my head" i responded. I stood up chasing the imaginary birds. Angom was laughing beyond control, "mumu, u dey laf abi, u no go stand up make we catch all this plenty bird wey dey fly for ur room?" i said. He continued laughing, it seemed to me that he was normal with the way he was laughing at me and Ilorin. I suddenly saw Ilorin unclothing himself to n'a'kedness, "dis one don mad oh, make una hold am make him no enter road oh" i said, not knowing my madness was more than Ilorin's. "Sammy oh!! Kelvin oh!! Sammy oh!! Make una bring water oh!! Flow and Ilorin don mad oh!!" Angom shouted. And...................................... The last thing i remembered was that a bucket of water was poured on my head and i fell to the ground. One Saturday morning, Juliet was around, she was cooking, she needed more water so i told her i would go fetch water from the well. Not knowing what would befall me. As i walked to the well playing Tupac- "still i rise" from my phone via my earpiece, Ilorin tapped me from behind, i removed my earpiece and heard, "Flow, help me fetch water na, abeg". "Wetin do ur hand?" i queried. "nothing oh, s'hit wan comot for my nyash, i wan go toilet" he responded. "but our toilet na pit toilet na, dem no dey flush pit toilet na" i said. "i know but, i wan use the water baf after i don s'hit finish" Ilorin said. I had no choice but to help him out, not knowing that his bucket of water would cause me a bucket full of tears. If you say our well was 100ft deep, you are not far from the truth. It was very deep. I always looked away anytime i came close to it because i was scared of its dept. I was still listening to tupac's song and at the same time fetching water from the well. I suddenly saw this "orobo" Woman from a distance coming to my direction. Initially, i tot she wasn't coming to my direction, so i continued what i was doing. I had finished fetching my two buckets, so i drew Ilorin's bucket closer to my reach. Meanwhile, the tupac song that was playing, had finished playing, so i brought out my phone from my pocket to replay the song. Immediately i pressed replay, i looked up and saw that the orobo woman was asking me something, i removed the right ear of my earpiece to hear her well. "my customer dey?" she was asking me of Angom; her supplier of beans, "yes, e dey" i responded. As she was walking towards Angom's room, i couldn't help but stared at her big "ikebe" with my mouth ajar. As the woman walked, it created an earthquaking effect on the ground, it was like Elephants were stampeding, "but why Yoruba women dey too f'at like dis na? nna i never see woman wey f'at like dis since dem born me oh, how she go take dey enter okada sef? Abi na two okada go dey carry her?" i was lost in my tots forgeting that i was still holding my phone, alongside the Fetching pale. I turned to continue fetching the water, throwing the fetching pale into the well, not knowing i didn't only throw the fetching pale,........................................ I threw my phone also. Tears were gradually gathering in my eyes. I felt like jumping into the well to rescue my phone, but i dared not, unless i wanted "direct entry" to go see devil. "Flow u don fetch my water finish" i heard a voice that sounded like Ilorin's, "you dey mad there, na ur bucket of water i wan fetch wey make my phone fall inside well now" i yelled. It was the day of WAEC mathematics. My day. I was in sch as early as 7am. Mr popoola(sounds like paw paw) our school Mathematic teacher came to meet me at the corpers office where i was seating alone. He told me that all the students had paid for the answers of the Mathematic to be solved and brought to them in the hall. He also told me that all i needed to do was to smuggle out one question paper from any of the students, bring it to him in the staff room, he solves it, and i return to him later to take the answers to distribute to the student. After the Exam i would be paid 5k. A cool way to make 5k if i may say, not knowing it would be an heaculean task. The exam started. The external examiner seemed like a strict man to me. "you there!! Stand up, u are copying abi?" i said. The lanky boy stood up with surprise written all over him because he was sure he wasn't copying. But i had a plan. I came to where the boy stood, looked to confirm the external examiner wasn't looking at me, grabbed the boy's question paper and folded it quickly into my pocket. I winked at the boy and he understood my plan, "now sit down and don't copy again" i said to the boy. The external examiner tot i was doing my job, not knowing i was after my 5k. I gave Mr Popoola the question paper and returned to the hall. Suddenly, "you that girl stand up, take ur desk and chair outside, u will write the rest of this exam outside the hall alone because you were copying" the eternal examiner commanded. This fair beauty stood up reluctantly and took her chair and desk outside, "how dis kin fine girl go dey copy na" i tot as she catwalked outside. "corper go with her outside, and make sure she doesn't cheat" the External examiner was reffering to me. "sir pls na, help me beg him na" she was pleading with me to plead on her behalf, "is she sorry yet?" the Eternal examiner asked from inside, "no sir, she is still complaining" i responded. 10minutes later, the fair beauty was smiling, instead of frowning, i never knew she had a plan. A s'eductive plan. Few minutes later her pen fell on the floor in front of her, "sir pls help me pick my pen" she said. I bent down to pick the pen. What i saw made my d'ick rise instanta. She wasn't putting on p'anties, i saw what was in between her legs clearly, she even opened her legs wider for me to see clearer."so dis girls dem no dey wear p'ant come school abi?" i asked myself. "is she sorry yet?" the external examiner asked again, "yes oh!!" i shouted still bending down and viewing. What was in between her legs had saved her. Mr Popoola flashed me; a sign that he had finished solving the questions. I told the External examiner i wanted to go ease myself and i left to go collect the answers from Mr popoola. As i came back, i tot of the method i would use to distribute the answers. I concluded to use this method: once i intend to give any student the solution, i would bring out the paper containing the solution from my pocket, go close to the student's desk, stamp my palm silently on the desk leaving the paper and winking at the student to be careful. That was the method i used to distribute the answers to practically all the students. I was happy i helped them. But what i wasn't sure of was if the answers i distributed were correct, because Mr Popoola had bad records for solving wrongly.

u don do ur part

*following......

Nxt

Answer na answer o!

NEXT O

follow

haw dat wan take consine u again u dn do ya job na

you don done your part

Them go manage am.

Nxt

Episode 30 God pls, i know am a sinner, but Lord help me to stop all that would lead me to sin and i promise to work in your house more............................ AMEN, i said a prayer as i stood in church ushering. I never wanted to be an Usher, but i had to because i wanted to change my ways, or so i tot. Just then, Ilorin winked at me from a corner of the church he sat. "why dis one dey cut me eye na, abi him think say thunder go just strike me now, and i go just die here because i be sinner and i be usher? God is merciful abeg, i know say i go soon change, even if thunder strike me and i die, e better na, atleast na house of God i die. But him own, him fit die for where him dey smoke Igboh" i was thinking deeply. I told Ilorin to wait for me after church, so we would go home together. Just when i tot troubles had stopped "FLOWING" to me like a river, i never knew another trouble was waiting ahead for me. Or was the name FLOW affecting me? "Flow, why u dey waka like dis na?" Ilorin asked as the walked to where we would get a bike that would take us home. "nothing oh, i just dey happy" i responded. "abi na because u wear suit? na ur first day to wear suit abi?" Ilorin said, "u dey mad, no be my first day oh" i responded. That day was actually my first day of putting on a suit since i was born. When i was in the university, during our project defence, while some of my friends wore suit, i just dressed coperately. I never liked suit. But since i became an usher, i had to start wearing suit. "guy, heat dey na, pull the suit na, see sun dey shine, u wear suit and tie, u wan die" Ilorin said as we walked towards the newspaper stand. "Man u, still dey top table, and league don dey finish" i said as we stood at the newspaper stand. "wáréh! We dey talk champions league, u dey talk premier league, make u see where una go reach for champions league na" a guy said from behind me. I and the guy engaged in a little football argument, i never knew that something in my back pocket had gone. "Ilorin, make i load my phone here" i said pointing at a business centre after we left the newspaper stand. "sister! Give me 1500 card" i ordered. She gave me the card, i couldn't tell the kind of spirit that entered me that made me immediately recharged my phone with the card before i reached for my wallet at my back pocket. It was gone. My wallet was gone. "Ilorin u take my wallet for my back pocket?" i queried, "wetin i wan use ur poor wallet do? i no take am jor" he responded. At at moment, the business centre lady was already raining abuses on me saying: "abeg pay me my money oh, as u wear suit like dis na thief be ur work, Ole! Ole!", "eeeh!! I no be ole, dem don thief my wallet, i no dey lie" i yelled at her. "Ilorin eeeh! those boys for that newspaper place don pick my pocket eeeh!" i cried out. "wetin we go do na, abi make we go back weda we go see the guys" Ilorin gave a nonsense suggestion. "no na, dem go don go na, u get 1500 there make i pay dis girl?" i asked, "na only 50naira we i go take enter bike go house dey with me, i no dey like carry plenty money waka" he responded. I tried to think straight but it was as if i had a combination of seizure and partial Amnesia. I glanced at my famous Rolex wrist watch, it was 3pm. The wrist watch gave me an Idea. "ok, sister take dis watch, hold am, make i go house go bring ur money" i said offering her my rolex wrist watch. She took a glimpse at the watch and said, "u sure say dis watch reach 1500? because i go sell am if u no come back" she assured, "watch wey i buy 5k nahim u dey ask me rubbish question, take am jor, i dey come back come pay u ur money, if u sell am ehn" i threatened. As we walked out of the business centre, i felt like crying. "My NYSC id card, my ATM card, My 3k, all of them don go!!" i was lost in my tots. A voice brought me back to reality, "Flow! Come enter bike na" Ilorin said as he was already seating on a bike. "who be dat? Who u dey talk to?" i asked him forgeting i was the person called FLOW, or was it that the partial Amnesia had matured to full Amnesia? "come make we enter bike jor, na because dem thief ur wallet nahim make u don forget say na ur name be Flow" Ilorin yelled at me. We went to watch football one Friday evening. On our way back, i was happy Man u won so i told my guys that we should go take a bottle or two on me. A bottle or two that later turned to "three bottles or four". As i got home, my door was already open, i tot it was Juliet because she was the only one that knew where i kept my key, or so i tot . It wasn't Juliet that i met inside. It was Omolade. Omolade the daredevil. I initially tot i had seen a ghost. "how did u get the key to my room?" i asked her as she was lying on my bed. "have u forgotten the last time i came here, u mentioned something like; ur key is always under ur foot mat?" she responded. She was right, i did mentioned that. She came close to me and percieved that i had drank, "so u have been drinking?" she said. I did not respond to that but moved aside because i was scared of her, "dis tin fit be plan with Tobi oh, so dat if i fall, Tobi go come show me pepper again" i tot. "u see, Ugo, i told you you haven't heard the last of me" Omolade said. "but i don't love u anymore go to Tobi ur boyfriend" i said. "u have no choice here. Now listen to me, Tobi knows i still want u, he even knows i am here now. Tobi can't satisfy me in bed, so we both aggreed that i go look for someone else that can, and i think that someone is u" Omolade said, "now if u refuse having s'ex with me, i would inform Tobi that u are refusing me. And u know Tobi is the head of the Dreaded Eyeh cult, u know what he can do" She added. I swallowed all the saliva in my mouth and said, "is that a threat?", "its a guarantee Ugo, its a guarantee" She said. She drew closer to me, unbottoned my shirt and brought her lips closer for a kiss, "but how dis girl take know say i be sharp shorter, abi na Ronke tell Tobi, Tobi com tell her? But wait oh, so Tobi no sabi do, how him com take dey Satisfy Ronke sef?" i tot as Omolade caressed my body moving towards my d'ick. She unclothed herself, Damn!!, she wasn't only beautiful facially, but her n'aked body was more beautiful. Her b'reast were erect, like they were saying: "u wan touch us, come touch us na" so i grabbed them both. I brought out a c'ondom, wore it and inserted. My huge d'ick was drowning in her extra large c''litoris. She moaned greatly as i showed her the stuff i was made of. She was really a s'ex freak. I had already lost count of how many rounds i had gone, she still wanted MORE. So i continued. Suddenly i heard a noise, someone was in the room because i didn't shut the door. I turned and.............................. I saw Dami. She was in tears. I had broken her heart, or rather i had "sledge Hammered" her heart. She had caught me p'ants down. As she cried out of my room, i recalled, "Ugo, i can't share u with anyone, if i catch u with another woman ehn?" those were her exact words when i first asked her out. I knew all hell had been let loosed.

LOL U ARE GONE

THAT ONE NO B CASE NA

Funny dude, enjoying yur story..

Now a gunner.

continue

she is a goner

Eyah

hmmm,case

Baby don break my heart

Only her wan eat dat big meat!

sowie

chairman abeg try and finish dis story.. It has been long u posted last