[color =red]The Five Types of
People Who Will
Ruin Your
Relationship[/color]
If you want good
advice, consult a
person who has an
educated opinion. For
example, if you want
business guidance, you should overlook your
broke vocationally-challenged friend, and
instead seek the counsel of a very
successful person who has made good
career choices. If you’re interested in
learning to cook, it shouldn’t occur to you to
consult the friend who couldn’t find her
kitchen with a GPS locator. Common sense,
right? But . . . if it’s so common to solicit
educated opinions in other areas of our lives,
why do we listen to any and everybody when
it comes to relationship advice?
C’mon, we’ve all been there. There are
moments when we’re so upset that we'll call
everyone we know, or even pour our hearts
out to a stranger on the train. We look for
wisdom in weird places.
Everyone has opinions. Especially our
friends. They all know exactly what they
would do if they were in our shoes, and how
they would do it better. Anrecently happened them
can’t wait to share their thoughts, with the
strong suggestion that we implement their
ideas in our lives. But relationships ebb and
flow, and it’s important to seek opinions of
people who understand that.
In short, it’s up to us to consider the source.
Over the years, I’ve learned that if your goal
is to have a happy healthy relationship, there
are certain types of people whose advice
should be taken reluctantly (or not at all):
Single Girlfriends
Your single friends are expert at being
single . However, they have a lot of opinions
on what they would do, what they wouldn’t
do, what they would say, and what they
would or wouldn’t put up with in
relationships. The trouble is that they’re not
in relationships, so much of the perspective
is lost on them. And, really? Why would it
occur to you to solicit the relationship advice
of your promiscuous friend who makes
obviously terrible decisions and goes through
men like a warm knife through butter?
Unless you’re envious of her life, she’s the
wrong source. I’m sure she loves you and
means well, but most of the time, your
single friends will keep you single.
Divorced Girlfriends
While, yes, they have been in relationships,
their relationship experience is seen through
a different lens. They’ll give you a lot of
“take it from me” anecdotes as they
reminisce about their assholish exes, and
while those can be useful, much of their
advice will be directly related to their own
personal experiences in their marriages.
Experiences that don’t apply to your life, in
most cases. Some of them have grand ideas
of what they won’t deal with in their
relationships, and they will try to foist those
ideas on you. Never mind that they haven’t
dated in years. Again, they’re only trying to
be helpful by giving you the inside scoop,
but it might not be the scoop that you need.
The Bitter
These friends can be found in either of the
above categories. The bitter have been
bruised in the past, and might talk about
how they never need to date again in their
lives. Ever. They can present great
arguments for why all relationships suck, and
could possibly convince you that it’s only a
matter of time before your relationship
tanks. This person needs comfort and
several glasses wine, and until she abandons
the idea that all men should be shipped to
an island and destroyed, she’s not the one
to ask if you’re having a relationship issue.
The Unhappily Marrieds
Not much better than the bitter, and often
close to being the divorced, their opinions
will come from a place of people who aren’t
energized by their marriages. If anything,
they envy you your single life. If you’re on a
good track, this is not what you need.
Certain Family Members
All family members are not created equally.
There’s the family member who just wants
you to be happy and with the right person.
They’re fine to talk to (unless they’re single,
divorced or bitter). But then there are the
problematic family members – the ones who
either think that there is nobody on this
planet that is good enough for you, or aren’t
welcoming of your relationship in general.
There are several horror stories about how
family involvement has ruined relationships.
They love you, but they should stay out of
your relationship.
You might be thinking that all of your friends
fall into the buckets that I’ve mentioned, so
who do you talk to?
My favorite relationship confidantes are
those who have been in successful pairings
for several years, and have special
connections that I look at and appreciate if
not envy. I call them my Role Model
Couples. RMCs are few and far between,
and must be chosen carefully.
I’m fortunate enough to have an aunt who’s
been married for 45+ years (yes, to the
same man), and she’s been through it all
and gives insightful advice – about
relationships and life in general. I can also
call on friends who have been able to grow
and sustain great relationships that have
evolved into greater marriages over time.
The ones that I’m thinking of have a healthy
realism about what it takes to nurture a
good relationship. They obviously know what
they’re doing, and I’m interested in what
they have to say.
While we all have wonderful people in our
lives who want the best for us, sometimes
it’s important to sift through the noise of
opinions and make the right decision for
yourself.
...
just decided to share this because of a lot of girls who had spoilt their realtionship as a result of misleading advises from their dubious, envious and jealous friends
