Brother Wale

Hello my dear coolvaler ,it long I post something. I stumble on this rib cracking yet touching story nd feel like sharing it with my people. The story is not mine. Written by flow1759 (not a coolvaler tho). If I get d right response on this one I will bring some other interesting nd funny story from the same author . God bless as u follow ?? Link to episodes <Episode 2 <Episode 3 <Episode 4 <Episode 5 <Episode 6 <Episode 7 <Episode 8 <Episode 9 <Episode 9B <Episode 10 <Episode 11 <Episode 12 <Episode 13 <Episode 14 <Episode 15 <Episode 16 <Episode 17 <Episode 18 <Episode 19 <Episode 19B <Episode 20 <Episode 21(FINALE)

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Right here with my spaceship and my @promzy beside me.

Yes honey @john451

Bring it on

Bring it on

seated ride on bro

Following

Hmmmm...Nice start. @janitah Any interest here?

Ok, let's read this together

Leqqo...

oya nau make we flex

Me don sidan

Ride on

Okay

Wow! Its gonna be awesome...continue bro

Ride on bro... Abeg wey space dey mek I for sidon?

Oya bring it on.

waiting for more

continue

Ride on

Episode 2 When I was told Maami couldn’t make it through surgery I was crippled for two days. I wished so many things. I wished she was alive to see me celebrate my 15th birthday, yes I wished it was she who prepared the bean cakes I and my friends eat at the birthday “bash” by the fire stand. I wished she was alive to see me become 17th position in class leaving my usual 20th position. I wish with tears in my eyes. I wish with tears in my eyes that Maami was still alive to see Brother Wale beat her handsome Seyi bobo for no just cause; like when he beat me for asking him why he didn’t donate one of his kidneys to save Maami. Hmmmmmmm! Wicked Brother Wale. If a fifteen year old kidney was matured enough to be transplanted into a sick fifty year old, why not? I would have donated? With tears in my eyes I woke up two days after we returned from the village after Maami’s burial with a question in mind. “Brother Wale why have we been eating only beans since the burial?” That was the question. A knock in my head was the response. “eaaaaah! Wetin I do na?” I yelled as I heard the knock on my head echoed fourteen times and stars shone afterwards. “Is that your greeting this morning?” “Sorry brother, good afternoon!” I thought I saw the sun set. “oooooh! It is afternoon abi?” “yes………………… I mean No, good morning” I stammered, “I make mistake, I no know!” “And how many times will I tell you that when speaking to me, you shouldn’t speak pidgin?” “pegan! But brother I didn’t speak pegan na!” “will you shut up! Did I say pegan? I said peeegiiin” “peeegiiiin!” I tongue twisted, “brother what is peeegiin? Is it the language the pigeons in Yemi’s bird nest speak?” And yet another knock landed on my head. “aaaaah! Brother I have head ache oh!” I cried. “oya sorry!” He served me sorry like fresh bitter leaf. “sorry na, Seyi bobo! Okay pidgin means what you people call Broken” he explained. “Oooooh! So na broken nahim be pidgin?” I had learned one. Four the next few weeks we stopped eating beans so the two bags of beans Maami bought before she died wouldn’t finish; we started eating bitter leaf soup and “Iyan” for dinner and Akara and bread for breakfast. As for lunch, our food was tilling the ground to rid the bitter leaf farm off weeds. That was food meant to go through the mouth. For the Nose, the only food readily available between the hours of 1am to 3am is fart. It wasn’t for my nose alone, but for my kidneys too. I remember a particular “battalion” of Brother Wale's fart rendering my kidney useless and my stomach, it was running 100 metres. That night it rained and our leaking roof chase away my sleep. The first fart Brother Wale let out struck me like thunder and I faced the other way and covered by nose with my hands. Then came another fart; what I would term the vibrating fart. At first I thought it was his phone vibrating, but when I put on the torchlight, I saw the truth. The truth was that I would die if i don't run for my dear life, and so I fled to the sitting room. As I was sleeping in the cushion in the sitting room, I felt my kidney moving around my solar plexus and so I assured myself I would never sleep in the same room with farting Brother Wale ever again, but again I was scared of sleeping alone in a room save the cockroach experience repeated itself. The cockroach experience is an experience I will live to remember for the rest of my life and even in my after life. I was to travel with Brother Jimmy to the village the following day for Papa’s burial, Brother Wale and Maami was already in the village a day before. That night, something happened that made me cursed Brother Jimmy for not coming to pass the night with me before we hit the road the following morning. I had thought of going to pass the night with Yemi in his house but I feared I might not survive the next morning as his brothers might suffocate me with their pot bellies. I pleaded with Yemi to come pass the night with me, but he refused sa

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12PM next update

am with u bro. longest tummy. @skookum

following

following keenly @Skookum pls be numbering dey episode to make our work easy

@sanctus4real tnkx jare my brox I sight u.. @frankkay okay noted

wetin cum apen oooo

LEL.....my ribs hurt oo make yhur"broda wale" no kill yhu wif fart oo

Loooool, very funny indeed. My neighbors are beginning to think that I'm going nuts.

I don arrival, lol. Oya continue

Lmao..flow's works are always rib cracking. . . . Ride on skookum.

Episode 3 As I ran to towards the sitting room, something in me told me to halt, I obeyed. That same thing told me to walk and not run. Meanwhile one of my hands was inside my bush harvesting the “unwanted” weed. I caught it, crushed it and thanked my stars I did in time. The click sound was louder and the entire house became darker as I walked towards the living room. My gracious God! I saw my spirit left me. “now you can run” My mind commanded. “run to where?” “just run! Run!” I took to my heels for seconds and stopped abruptly as I saw something that made me fell on my knees and cried. It was a statue of someone wearing a crown and smiling. “I dey sorry angel! I dey sorry!” I was on my knees. “I no go ever thief meat for pot again” I confessed my sins. Stealing meat from the pot was trendy that period in my life; I thought I had mastered the art not until one night. That night I stole meat from the pot without torchlight in hand, this was what transpired the next morning: “Seyi go and warm that soup in the pot! I think we will have to share that one piece of meat that is remaining in the pot” Brother Wale’s stingy self said. It instantly dawned on me that I needed to see a butcher instantly. “Wetin I go do now?” I asked myself. As I warmed the soup, I cried deep down wishing Brother Wale would forget about the meat. Something within me told me to play this trick,that it might work; worse case scenario I will be flogged and that’s all. The trick was that I should add a small stone to the soup – I mean a stone shaped like the piece of meat I stole. “food is ready sir!” I announced. “Seyi bobo! This one you are calling me sir? Is everything alright?” Brother Wale asked. “Nothing ooh! I am just happy my birthday is around the corner” I replied. “really! But you just celebrated your birthday last month na!” “Ok! Its true oh!..... I am happy because of the success of my birthday, i am thanking God for it” As we ate together, I swiftly picked the piece of meat, piece of stone rather along with my Eba and put it in my mouth. “Where is the meat?” A knock landed on my head. Brother Wale’s knuckles had overtime created a valley in between the two mountains my head is made up of and with time I got used to his hard knocks – they made my head thick. “the meat?” I was mouthful. “no the bone! My friend where is the meat?” “I…… I……………” “I………. What?” He beamed the torchlight on my face and of course he saw the obvious bulge. “So you want to eat the piece of meat abi?” Yet another knock on my head, this time around I heard Rock music played in my head. “no oh, I just wanted to help you cut it!” “and did I tell you to help me cut it? Bring it out!” I brought out the stone and after he confirmed it was a stone he commanded that I put it back in my mouth, chewed and swallowed. “But brother it is a stone na!” I cried. Still on my knees the angel was still smiling on me and I had made up my mind like Jacob in the Bible to wrestle with the angel. “I will never lie again!” I promised. But I noticed the angel wasn’t saying anything but just smiling. “which kin angel be this?” I asked myself, and then without thinking, I pushed the “weightless” angel and in the process I fell the way a fifteen storey building would collapse. It was when I was on ground that I realized what I thought was an angel was actually our curtain, and the smiles on the angel’s face was a reflection the standing mirror in the sitting room made on the curtain. Face down, blood gushed out of my mouth like I was a bank of blood withdrawing like a river. Common sense told me to shut my mouth with my right hand since the muscles in my mouth had failed me, little did I know that Common sense was wrong. With my mouth wide open and my right hand covering it all in the bid of obeying the injunction of Common sense I tasted something like rotten egg, then I withdrew my hand to know why my blood suddenly changed taste albeit it wasn’t tasting good ab ini

Lol episode next pls enjoying the ride

lol anyway seated

Ok

Lol You tasted the roaches remains...kikiki.

U didnt end it well

just passing by, NYC story

Lol U mumu no b lie

Lolz

Funny

Thump up 4u guy nice start

hhahahahahahaha

Lol

Nice... Next

"Next"

funny story. u will soon haf valley on ur head as a result of the knocks.

[cσlσr=rєd]nєхt[/cσlσr]

Abeg yawn me more

This story got me laughing my ass out. So amusing!

Very funny

U always bring knock upon ur self, i pray ur head no go tier one day

Closing my mouth, I chewed something that tasted like crayfish. The ever-food-sensitive tongue of mine was too quick to swallow the “crayfish” within split seconds. It was the after-taste of the “crayfish” and how my throat felt while I swallowed that made me realized I had swallowed cockroach.

Episode 4 Wale Ajibade is the first son of the Ajibade farming Dynasty, he is 90 percent late Moses Ajibade and 9 percent late Stella Ajibade, the rest one percent attributes of what makes up the man Brother Wale is gotten from I Seyi Ajibade his younger brother – his only brother. He copied the way I walked, the way I talked, and of course my slangs; slangs like “Wadup” I always say that to my friends when we shake hands. Most days Brother Wale puts on a gloomy face that made his face looked like the face carried by a frog, he rarely smiles, except when it rained the previous night, then in such days, he would smile all day. When it rains at night and I saw him smiling the next morning, I wouldn’t blame it on the wet bed we slept on that resulted from our leaking roof but on the fact that maybe he dreamt of Christiana Adibe his love. Aunty Christy! Oh Aunty Christy! See what you have done to Brother Wale. Brother Wale could go hungry all day and at night he would send me with a food flask to go give Christy and her elder sister Njideka some food to eat. I was not left out in the love story, I would go hungry or eat small rations just to make sure the always-hungry Christy is fed. I remember Brother Wale giving a very hungry Seyi bobo (SB) food to deliver to his love Christy one afternoon. “give this food to Christy” He ordered. “but brother what of me, what will I eat?” I swallowed saliva. “will you shut up and give her the food first! When you return the rice on fire will be done and we can eat. This one is for Christy my love” “F’oolish love! You never chop na another person food you first put” I cursed within. “what did you say?” I thought she heard me. “She” because Brother Wale had since Maami’s death became the proverbial “Woman wrapper”, always wrapping beans cakes every night to give to his love at home. “say? I did not say anything oh!” I said the food is hot oh!” I spoke out. “the food is hot, if you troway am for road troway yourself join with am” That was the first day I heard Brother Wale spoke Pidgin since he graduated from the university. On my way to Aunty Christy’s house, I saw some of my friends playing football and I stopped to watch. “SB come play for me I don tayah!” Bunmi said. “but my brother send me na” I said. “shey na only you get brother?” Imo said, “abeg come play ball jor!” I left the food I was supposed to deliver by the side of the goal post and I was in the monkey post pitch in no time. The most striking force in the monkey post football match that afternoon was no other but me. I had scored two goals and I had forgotten that I was famished. “SB pass me the ball!” Yellow longed. I wanted to pass the ball to Yellow God knows but Imo’s big head wasn’t giving me the clear view I needed, so I headed for the goal post. I moved the ball to my left leg for a killer shot and “baaaa!” I fired the ball to the post. As my culture have it in such occasions, i shut my eyes to open only when the ball arrive its destination point. As I opened my eyes, I saw nightmare. Aunty Christy’s food was gone. “SB you don troway your food” Yellow announced, and everyone burst into laughter. “who tell you say na my food?” I denied. “SB! Lie-Lie! Linus! No be you keep this food here?” Yemi said. “Yeaaeeh! See big meat oh! I go chop am oh!” The gluttonous Debo proposed. “Debo if you try am eenh!” I yelled. “oohoooh! I think say you say no be you keep the food there?” Yellow said. “I don die! Brother Wale go kill me eeeh!” I came close and saw the rice was all round sand infested. “try make you see whether you go fit pack am na?” Yemi suggested “pack wetin? You no see as san-san do full am?” “abeg you fit still pack am jor! Make I help you pack am put for the food flask?” Debo offered, I guessed he meant putting it in his mouth not food flask. Before I winked my eyes to chase away the tears that gathered lest my friends laughed at me should it fall, Debo had picked one piece of meat, then he wa

then he was putting rice in his pocket. “Debo!” I yelled. “What? What I do?” He returned. “I dey talk say I don die for Brother Wale hand, you dey here dey eat the food” I was sitting on the floor crying already. “Hahaha! Him hey cry!” My friends laughed so hard. I had just cried two rivers when Yemi said “see Brother Wale dey come!!” “I thought he was pulling my dirty legs, but when I saw that they all fled one after the other, I looked up, lo and behold I saw Brother Wale and his lover walking towards me. “eeeh! Don’t you run!” Brother Wale commanded.

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gobeeeeeee

you are dead meat tonight

U ar so dead

Hehehehe...yawa dn gas

u are going to receive beating of ur life that day

huuh wat a small epi

Ur own don meet u today

“I am not running sir! I want to carry my slippers” I said. “so I sent you to give Christy my love food and you came to play ball” “I did not play oh! I was just watching them!” I lied. “you were just watching them and your legs are dirty?” “Wale please leave the young man alone!” Christy said. “leave him alone? Why should I? And where is the food I gave to you to give to her?” he asked me. “It……… It…………… It don pour for ground oh! Is it not Debo that troway it for ground” I murdered English language. “Debo troway it for ground abi? And what kind of English did you just speak?” “English? I just speak English English!” I answered. “Seyi bobo!” Aunty Christy hailed, “which one be English English again?” “Mr. English English will you stand up from there and lets head to the farm!” Brother Wale ordered. “Head! Lets head?” I told myself my head was in for a crash should I head Brother Wale's Titanic head. “Yes! I said stand up and lets head to the farm.” “but brother I don’t want to head oh! I have head ache” I cried. “you have head ache eeeeh! Oya come let me help you massage the big head of yours” “hahahahahaha!” Christy was laughing. “why this one dey laugh? ugly girl!” Truth be told Aunty Christy was beautiful, damn beautiful; the kind of beauty that could make a fish fly with a bird. In the farm few minutes later I was seeing things! Yes I was seeing things. As I bent down to cut bitter leaf, I was seeing things, I face cardinal point north south, I was still seeing things, I stood, I was still seeing things. Sister Christy was putting on a very short gown that rises with the wind and her black p!ant caught my attention - I mean the main attention. Her l’aps was as fresh as cucumber and yellow like Fanta. She noticed I was looking at her fresh l’aps so she turned and gave it all to me. “Yeaaah! I don cut my hand with knife oh!” I cried. “that serves you right! When you will not concentrate in what you are cutting!” “leave the young man alone na!” Aunty Christy said. “no mind am jor!” I said. “you said what?” I saw fury in Brother Wale’s eyes. “me? Say? I dey craze? Why I go say anything?” I heard Aunthy Christy laughed. Few seconds and I was moving to the ridge close to where I could get 3D view of all Aunty Christy could offer. “And what are you looking at?” Brother Wale caught my eyes. “me? Looking? I am not looking anything oh! I am just thinking!” “thinking of what?” He yelled. “thinking of how I will write my exam tomorrow!” That was a big fat lie i said. Me! Think of how I will write exam? I dey craze? Writing examination wasn’t a problem to me at all; I had a formation of 4-4-2. Dele played the right full back, Ikenna played the centre forward, Tobi played the role of the attacking mid fielder, Bola was the striker and of course I was always in the goal post to keep the goals. I stood for a while thinking of the day I entered the exam hall loaded with "micro chips" and, “SB you dey add weight oh!” Ikenna said. “yes na! I dey add weight because I dey eat better food na!” I returned. “you sure?” “why I no go sure? Abi na you get my body?” Tied around my body like a suicide bomber was "bombs" Few seconds later…………… and I unveiled the bombs one after the other ………………………… “everybody lets clap hands for Seyi Ajibade as he leaves the exam hall, he has been caught cheating!” Mr. Akinyele the examiner announced. I stood up and walked majestically out of the exam hall all smiles little did I know I was walking to my failure in mathematics. Few seconds to the end of the exam, Mr. Akinyele was lenient enough to allow me back into the hall. To do what? Did I hear you ask? To write the exam of course. Two seconds after I was allowed to enter the hall and I struggled with my pen to steal time to finish the two hours exam in just twenty seconds, and Yemi! Oh Yemi! What manner of friend? “SB! SB! SB!” I heard Yemi called. I thought he was calling to give me an already answered sheet but Ye

“SB! SB! SB!” I heard Yemi called. I thought he was calling to give me an already answered sheet but Yemi! Oh Yemi! “SB you don do number thirty?” He said. “your father there!!” “and whose father are you talking of?” I was back in reality. “nobody ooh!” I answered. “have you finished cutting the bitter leaf in that part of the farm?” “Me? I dey cut Aunty Christy p’ant here oh!” I dared not said, “you no see as my thing don rise?” And indeed its been a while since my thing rose to that height. For it to rise for a crush of mine is worth it isn’t it? A crush of mine and Brother Wale would not allow her be mine. I remember the day brother Wale almost r’aped Aunty Christy in the farm, that was when Maami was still alive but she was not in farm that evening. So many activities happened that evening; activities like I carried a big bag of water leaf on my head and it reduced my height by two inches, but that wasn’t important, I had defecated in the bush that evening because i had running stomach, but that wasn’t important, I had killed a snake that evening, but that wasn’t important. There was another snake, it was a big black snake, it came out of brother Wales’s trouser - it has been there for twenty eight years of his life. “Seyi go and drop this bag of water leaf, and tie it before you return!” Commander commanded. “But brother I still have more bags to pack home na!” I said. “my friend will you obey before you complain! Drop that bag and don’t return till you tie the leaves!” I knew something was fishy. I reached home, dropped the bag of water leaf as instructed and headed back to the farm to see what Brother Wale was up to with my crush. “Lets do it fast!” Aunty Christy said. “do what fast! I no go gree una!” I saw from the corner I stood that Brother Wale was really carrying an Anaconda in between his legs. “See snake ooooh!” I yelled. “where the snake?” Brother Wale was already afar while I enjoyed a close range view of Aunty Christy the movie.

@pizzaro @promzy @tenniebenson @khola46 @wiseman @ibrams @pizzaro @swtharyomi @wyse-one @eddy @delight @pweety @mray @jummybabe @babe4biola @sofia @ritagold @kuks @originalannchilexdel @fridex @frank @frankkay @simzy @pheranmmie041 @temmyjoy @chriswayne @evanz @itzshaxee @mecuze @kingson1 @donmikie @kingsbest @t-dak @charlywizzy @charliebryn @hardeywummy @japhola @konphido @emmyrexx @adura @tholartee @nextangel @blessedgirl @ebube @jenifa @jclash @taiwo @chomyline @lawman @tinagabe @christiana @itmrabzeez @johnoscar @precy @timmy @dabcy @ikeholuwa1 @besty @starlet @okklad @angeleniola @ewomazeal @mizleemah @anitcham @blessfelicity222 @stephanie @lollybabe1 @dahcutebae @rhennyjay @geeadore @tiffany1 @tonia @hameyeenat @inemlove @mohjisolah @jencute @jenny @doublewealth @john451 @kniphemi @emmanesth @horpheyehmy @valking1 @pweety @kpumpy @justify @maurice @jummy @thankmic @christopher @anita @phinebraim @kedike @kemkit @gracy @saintkenz @december12 @promise @sylvia @bsam @portable @steph @aarti @olaking3 @harddy @blakstudd @prince @invincible @mhzzrblayse @azeeco @temmymofrosh @sandra @sandy @hollar @kaysmart22 @cherryserah @sexynikky1994 @davick @youngestprince @pearl @semilore @oyindamola @dhemilade1 @mature @franklin @kolababs @smilie @borwerleh @iksqueency @loveth @funmilayo1 @okklad @nizzy @flames @tony @vict-vames @peace @sirp081 @kingsengine @kristen @aaron @ruth @romancelord @john @itzshaxee @olamy4fun @abrahamdking @vizkid @flamerouz @crusher @stanny39 @softtouch @onahsunday631 @ele @jeddy @sonshine @sirgentle @hoelhay @pharm-vickymears @teesolid @omoyemmy @olarach @daxking @krizzy @holarbordah @firstladyontop @softie @obaby @sergentmax @mhizdaofot @saraya @ariketemmy @eminem @laurasteve299 @vickyola @unyo1 @ofandave007 @gambola @monadisu @dazzlingangel @donyas @c-roderick @cookey @isabella1 @chisomsophia @mrfabulous @henry @mhizzthessy @millz @bishops10 @kreepyink @olaniyiadeshina @ele1 @gracedkyenny @olami @hardeyhorlar9 @beryl @holaryinkhar @inemeka @abevica @individual @youngfellow @humblelion @natasha9976 @hartuny @emergencia @sapiens @paula4eva @giftgodiva @divatimmy @finestberyl @ferdinard @festoza006 @sharpzender @paje @uncleba426 @jenny123 @pemamezi @detector @pweetyfizzy @dgreat @willingyung @napster @greg-billz @valentinelv @hayanfeoluwa @teju1 @prestigiousfirstlady @petersandra121 @psam @jenny1 @oluwanifemi @bryten50 @fallancy @jimmyjab @arosunshine @heartbrokekid @thosiano @peterox @iamsmv @adegunle3gmail-com @sparkling-2 @hoyenikky @maurice @rosey @lizzytee @zephyr @mhizterdimex @ladywen @holarmidey @scriptures @lollycobra @hardey1292 @adeblow23 @nifemi @slimolayinkastar @damzybabe @softel @adeshewa @abradek @omolarami @coolbaby @nazysophy1 @beauty74 @yemitefestus @cizzle @omoniyiola @inifek @nheemot @deejaygrin @hitiswell @fynboy @sirmike @aminzy @sunnyklin20yahoo-com @oshio @shikoleen @queencoded @vicoch @kimmy @ifeoma1 @nobleay @felixharuna11 @ibktemi99 @hayzedefoe @chidex14 @ladygrasha @omodemilade59 @rufus @classy @frankymario @ennylincoln @kingz1 @starlord1 @olatunjitobi @noskid @missdammy @pweetylizzyqueen @kodedreal @petermikel @olutcoded @sayrah @latienco @bimrach @mubarak @mubavak @skulboy @onyinyessica @adeolaajala1234 @dbest @olalekana69 @drumsaint @beautyqueen @tomtim @naomacjoyous @xtopher @debbi2nice @rahzycute1 @jamesgentility @megatron @okiripoto02gmail-com @hangellah46 @praisee @deltavictory @kay2ty7 @josephjuliet @richymore @temmy744 @mrmorie @abosmart @whizjay @adfaustina595gmail-com @adetolaadejoke @ninny @anthcunny @freeday @abasienyene @henryjay @abosmart @mercykris @omodemilade59 @horgzy @judith @superstar4real @sanctus4real @bolaji2308 @damzybabe @profeze1 @horlarjuwhon @illusion002 @royzeray @oluwatosin @chinenye5404 @dharmex @opinxymenumento @pattiejoe7gmail-com @bobbidi-boo @inifek @gooddysmart3 @elijezy @drumsaint @chinedueze @oshio @musterfi @khaleedwr @daintyshewa @addieola @praise22 @mdsodeeq @sirjerro @masterbill @emileagosu @kabazi95 @klaussimbo @peoray @samnolimit @babswa

Right here. 0MG!! then what happened next?

Seyi bobo, u too get problem oh. Why u no go recieve daily knocking on ur head.,

Yeye boy

chai next a beg

so na like that u watch life mojo

bad boi

Hahahahahahahahahha....dia guy bad ooo

You are so so dead

na python oooo

funny story. more.

Hahahahahahaha, I thought this SB was a small boy

For spoiling his show, just get ur head ready for hard knocks

Heheheheh.... Brother Wale don kill the guy be that

Lol funny story next pls

Episode 6 Since Wale Ajibade’s graduation from school with a third class degree in English language he never stopped telling anyone that cared to listen that his Head of Department in school robbed him of his deserving first class degree all because he wanted his girlfriend and he fought fiercely for the love of his life Onyinye. Brother Wale’s love for Onyinye resulted to the scar he carries in his four head. He had told us at home that he fought with the cult guy who also wanted Onyinye so fiercely that he feels he injured the guy more than the guy injured him. What he narrated as what he did to the cult guy sounded like c’ock and bull to me, I knew he was telling a big fat lie; the Brother Wale I know is so lily livered that in the process of him hurting a fly a fly would strangle him. I remember the day he and his friend Brother Emeka fought in the bush, ask me what made them fight? Handsomeness! “I am more handsome than you jor! You that have big lips!” “I agree! My big lips makes the girls love me more, I kiss better you know!” Brother Emeka returned. “You kiss better! And Kemi your girl friend is interested in me!” Brother Wale boasted. “eheeeeen! You are the one that have been brain washing that girl that makes her lose interest in me, okwaaa ya?” Brother Emeka’s mouth was ajar. “she says she want me, so was I to say no?” Before I looked down to see what itched my right leg, fight don start. “Help! Help! They are fighting!” I wished other farmers were close by. Like Mohammed Ali, Brother Emeka swayed round and round perfectly like he had little knowledge of boxing, sorry I forgot! His father was a boxer when he was younger. “I will finish you!” Brother Emeka let out one punch that struck Brother Wale in the jaw. Soon another to the same spot and from where I stood I saw that Brother Wale's jaw grew longer. “you think say you fit fight me abi? I go just beat you turn-turn!” Brother Emeka threatened. “you can not beat me turn-turn!” Can somebody please help me tell Brother Wale that in Nigeria the language fighting understands isn’t English language but pidgin? I had barely winked and I could barely believe my eyes! Brother Wale was back to the ground screaming “Help! Help!” “Who go help you? Me?” I thought of taking to my heels but as I heard, “I don die ooh!” I knew it was time I showed I was a loving brother. “leaving my brother alone oooh!” I was virtually dancing round the fighting ring. “where I go start from? Abi make I blow him head?” I asked myself these questions about fifty times. In no time I was grabbing Brother Emeka by the waist. “Will you leave me?” Brother Emeka yelled. “I will not leave you until you leave my brother!” I acted superman. The only thing I remembered was that sledge hammer struck my nose and I flew like Virgin Atlantic about 100 metres away crashing like Sosoliso on top a vegetable bed. Then I was dreaming. I was dreaming of fried fish. I dreamt I was celebrating my birthday with fried fishes I fried myself. “Yellow! Take two fish!” I was serving my friends. “Yemi, you take four!” “Ikenna, you take two!” Then I stood with the tray of fishes in front of “Brutus the glutton”. “Debo you take only one!”I commanded. “how I go take only one? Wetin I do you?” “I say take only one! na your birthday?” I yelled. Debo hissed and took one as commanded, but as I turned to serve the next person, he swiftly grabbed the tray of fishes from me and fled. “My fish! My fish!” My fish!” I chased after him. “My fish! My fish! My fish………………………” “spaaaaaash!” Water splashed on me brought me back to reality. “My fish! My fish! My……………………” “your fish abi? That is why I poured you water, so swim and overtake your fish that has swam pass you! Lazy boy!” “But I wanted to……………………………” I saw blood around brother Wale’s nose. “will you shut up!” He thundered.

Episode 7 The first Christmas I spent without Maami was hell. On Christmas eve while my friends were shooting Knockout here and there I was busy at the bean cake hangout; I and brother Wale of course. “Have you eaten?” Brother Wale showed a little care for his younger brother since the death of General Sani Abacha. “I am not hungry!” The only hanger in me was to go join my friends. “Give me Akara hundred naira!” Brother Okon ordered. “Brother Okon you don buy another Okada?” I asked as I served him. “Yes oh! This one na Simba no be jincheng, I don sell that my jincheng” He smiled. That Jincheng motorcycle really suffered. I remember when Brother Wale was learning how to ride. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and we three set for the football pitch where the learn-how-to-ride classes was to hold featuring Brother Wale as the student, Brother Okon as the teacher and yours truly SB as the water boy a.k.a the on looker. Classes had not started and Brother Wale already needed water to drink. “here na the truttle! Hold am well” Brother Okon said. “Ok I don hold am! I fit move now?” Brother Wale was eager to move. “Ok I go leave am now! You go move by yourself! Try make you hold the head well oh!” The Motor Cycle meandered so much that I pitied my beloved brother. The boys playing football in the pitch laughed so hard that I was so p’issed and I yelled, “wetin una dey laugh?”. Soon our Brother Wale was heading to an unknown destination. “Stop am! Stop am!” Brother Okon yelled. “e no gree stop oh!” Brother Wale cried. “Yeeah! Him dey drive enter bush ooh!” One of the boys playing football laughed. Brother Wale was the football they were playing at that moment; they all stopped to fetch a cup of laughter from the ocean Brother Wale provided. “Match the brake! Match the brake!” Brother Okon yelled. Instead of the motorbike to reduce in speed, it increased. I closed my eyes and said a prayer to God that Brother Wale shouldn’t collide with the electric pole ahead of him. As I opened my eyes, I saw that somehow brother managed to escape that electric pole, next he was heading to the bush. How cruel of Brother Okon; he cared not of the life of my elder brother but that his motorbike remained intact. “My Okada! My Okada!” He shouted as we chased Brother Wale and the bike. I saw that there was another electric pole not too far from Brother Wale. “My brother! My brother!” I cried running ahead of the beast Brother Okon. And………………… The worst happened; the bike hit the electric pole, then Brother Wale fell off rolling down the hill. “Brother Wale!” I cried. He was rolling down the hill like he was acting a Hollywood movie. I thought it was film trick. “Brother Wale!” I cried out. “see this guy don spoil my okada!” I heard Brother Okon said as I sloped down the hill after Brother Wale. On getting to the bottom of the hill………………… “Brother Wale where are you?” I cried. Legend has it that rocks are displaced by the wind from the top of the hill and they roll down the hill especially in October. October 4th was the day I thought Brother Wale would die. “Brother Wale where are you!” Tears rolled down. What came to my mind was that I would be orphan alone; I would stay alone in that big house. All my love ones where gone, I would be the love one to myself, the mother to myself, the father to myself and the Brother Wale to myself. I would prepare bean cakes myself, Axe the wood myself, sell the bean cakes myself, I would go to the farm and work all day alone, cultivate alone, sell, spend the money alone and at night I would sleep in the dark room with the cockroaches alone. “If Brother Wale die, who will I lie to occasionally?” I said to myself as I searched for his body. “Who will spank me when I go wrong?” “Who will teach me to be a man?” “Who will knock my head when I err? Who?” “Brother Wale where are you?” I cried with a loud voice. “I am here!” I thought I heard an angel. “Where are you?” “I am over here!” I could loca

Brother Wale where are you?” I cried with a loud voice. “I am here!” I thought I heard an angel. “Where are you?” “I am over here!” I could locate where the voice sounded from. Lying like a helpless baby was Brother Wale and he was seemingly not hurt. “Are you okay Brother?” “I am okay!” He stood up. I was shocked. “Are you sure?” For clarity sake. “I said I okay!” He raised his voice, “And why are you crying?” “Me? Crying?” “yes na! see tears in your eyes” “Okay! Something entered my eyes! An ant” Linus Seyi Bobo. “Brother I am happy you are okay oh!” “yes I am okay, just that my trouser tore” “You said?” “I said, my trouser tore” I bent down and saw that his trouser sustained the injury he was supposed to sustain, then I laughed. “hahahahahahahaha!” “kpoooooo!” a knock landed on my head.

@pizzaro @promzy @tenniebenson @khola46 @wiseman @ibrams @pizzaro @swtharyomi @wyse-one @eddy @delight @pweety @mray @jummybabe @babe4biola @sofia @ritagold @kuks @originalannchilexdel @fridex @frank @frankkay @simzy @pheranmmie041 @temmyjoy @chriswayne @evanz @itzshaxee @mecuze @kingson1 @donmikie @kingsbest @t-dak @charlywizzy @charliebryn @hardeywummy @japhola @konphido @emmyrexx @adura @tholartee @nextangel @blessedgirl @ebube @jenifa @jclash @taiwo @chomyline @lawman @tinagabe @christiana @itmrabzeez @johnoscar @precy @timmy @dabcy @ikeholuwa1 @besty @starlet @okklad @angeleniola @ewomazeal @mizleemah @anitcham @blessfelicity222 @stephanie @lollybabe1 @dahcutebae @rhennyjay @geeadore @tiffany1 @tonia @hameyeenat @inemlove @mohjisolah @jencute @jenny @doublewealth @john451 @kniphemi @emmanesth @horpheyehmy @valking1 @pweety @kpumpy @justify @maurice @jummy @thankmic @christopher @anita @phinebraim @kedike @kemkit @gracy @saintkenz @december12 @promise @sylvia @bsam @portable @steph @aarti @olaking3 @harddy @blakstudd @prince @invincible @mhzzrblayse @azeeco @temmymofrosh @sandra @sandy @hollar @kaysmart22 @cherryserah @sexynikky1994 @davick @youngestprince @pearl @semilore @oyindamola @dhemilade1 @mature @franklin @kolababs @smilie @borwerleh @iksqueency @loveth @funmilayo1 @okklad @nizzy @flames @tony @vict-vames @peace @sirp081 @kingsengine @kristen @aaron @ruth @romancelord @john @itzshaxee @olamy4fun @abrahamdking @vizkid @flamerouz @crusher @stanny39 @softtouch @onahsunday631 @ele @jeddy @sonshine @sirgentle @hoelhay @pharm-vickymears @teesolid @omoyemmy @olarach @daxking @krizzy @holarbordah @firstladyontop @softie @obaby @sergentmax @mhizdaofot @saraya @ariketemmy @eminem @laurasteve299 @vickyola @unyo1 @ofandave007 @gambola @monadisu @dazzlingangel @donyas @c-roderick @cookey @isabella1 @chisomsophia @mrfabulous @henry @mhizzthessy @millz @bishops10 @kreepyink @olaniyiadeshina @ele1 @gracedkyenny @olami @hardeyhorlar9 @beryl @holaryinkhar @inemeka @abevica @individual @youngfellow @humblelion @natasha9976 @hartuny @emergencia @sapiens @paula4eva @giftgodiva @divatimmy @finestberyl @ferdinard @festoza006 @sharpzender @paje @uncleba426 @jenny123 @pemamezi @detector @pweetyfizzy @dgreat @willingyung @napster @greg-billz @valentinelv @hayanfeoluwa @teju1 @prestigiousfirstlady @petersandra121 @psam @jenny1 @oluwanifemi @bryten50 @fallancy @jimmyjab @arosunshine @heartbrokekid @thosiano @peterox @iamsmv @adegunle3gmail-com @sparkling-2 @hoyenikky @maurice @rosey @lizzytee @zephyr @mhizterdimex @ladywen @holarmidey @scriptures @lollycobra @hardey1292 @adeblow23 @nifemi @slimolayinkastar @damzybabe @softel @adeshewa @abradek @omolarami @coolbaby @nazysophy1 @beauty74 @yemitefestus @cizzle @omoniyiola @inifek @nheemot @deejaygrin @hitiswell @fynboy @sirmike @aminzy @sunnyklin20yahoo-com @oshio @shikoleen @queencoded @vicoch @kimmy @ifeoma1 @nobleay @felixharuna11 @ibktemi99 @hayzedefoe @chidex14 @ladygrasha @omodemilade59 @rufus @classy @frankymario @ennylincoln @kingz1 @starlord1 @olatunjitobi @noskid @missdammy @pweetylizzyqueen @kodedreal @petermikel @olutcoded @sayrah @latienco @bimrach @mubarak @mubavak @skulboy @onyinyessica @adeolaajala1234 @dbest @olalekana69 @drumsaint @beautyqueen @tomtim @naomacjoyous @xtopher @debbi2nice @rahzycute1 @jamesgentility @megatron @okiripoto02gmail-com @hangellah46 @praisee @deltavictory @kay2ty7 @josephjuliet @richymore @temmy744 @mrmorie @abosmart @whizjay @adfaustina595gmail-com @adetolaadejoke @ninny @anthcunny @freeday @abasienyene @henryjay @abosmart @mercykris @omodemilade59 @horgzy @judith @superstar4real @sanctus4real @bolaji2308 @damzybabe @profeze1 @horlarjuwhon @illusion002 @royzeray @oluwatosin @chinenye5404 @dharmex @opinxymenumento @pattiejoe7gmail-com @bobbidi-boo @inifek @gooddysmart3 @elijezy @drumsaint @chinedueze @oshio @musterfi @khaleedwr @daintyshewa @addieola @praise22 @mdsodeeq @sirjerro @masterbill @emileagosu @kabazi95 @klaussimbo @peoray @samnolimit @babswa

Lmao...Knock 24/7.

Lolz, wey d snake funny dude

lwkmd next please

Lol U dey suffer o

hahahahahahahaha, I don Laf tire

hahahahaha so funny ride on bro

Funny

That brother Wale kala ooo

SB is really funny. I love dis story

Lazy brother, funny younger one

Chai! Sb will not kill me oh.

lwkmd o

After all tears u shed for brother wale? .... Chaii...your head go don sink lyk canoe with all this koi koi on ur head...

Funny episode.

In the book of bro. wale don't laugh when he is serious

Lolz

U don suffer...lmao

funny story

Episode 8 Brother I don tayah oh! My waist dey pain me!” I complained one night at the hangout. “really! Your waist ehennnnn!” Brother Wale said, “your waist will stop paining you when there will be no school fees for you next term” “but Brother I have tried na! I am tired!” Smoke from the fire attacked my eyes. “you are tired ehnnnn! Do you know how much we have made today?” “no! I don’t know!” “we have made just two hundred naira!” He informed. “Ahaann! It’s a lie!” “How dare you call me a liar? How dare you?” He stood up. “Me? Did I call you a liar?” “Then what did you just say?” He raised his voice. “I talk say me I be liar!” I confessed. But why brother Wale! We sold at worst two thousand naira that night I was sure. Deep down I knew Brother Wale’s best friend Brother Igboh would take a greater percentage of the night’s sale. “Brother Where are you going to?” I asked. “Why are you asking me?” He queried. “Because I am my brother’s keeper!” I answered. “Brothers keeper! The only thing you should keep right now is that bean cake on fire!” He walked out. I knew he was going to - he was going to visit his best friend Brother Igboh. It was this same brother Igboh that made him carried a generator on his head to the market preaching the gospel – Gospel according to Igboh I suppose. It was a bright Saturday afternoon and Brother Wale had just returned from Brother Igboh’s house situated by the bush part where Igboh kwenu the seller stayed. “I have head ache!” He complained, “get me water!” In the kitchen, Maami asked me if Brother Wale was back from his friend’s place, I said yes. “here is the cup of water!” I offered. “thank you! Have you eaten?” He asked. “Yes I have! Your own food is in the kitchen!” I said, “brother there something I want to tell you oh!” “SB my man!! what is it?” At such time he was very caring. “ehnn, My school sandal is old, I want another one!” “ok! How much will it cost to buy another one?” “one thousand naira sir!” I answered. “okay I will give you the money tomorrow!” He promised, but he and I knew the promise was prompted by the brother Igboh in him. “thank you brother Wale!” As I bent down to pick the cup to return it to the kitchen, Brother Wale stood up and ooh my world! I thought he wanted to land an award winning knock on my head; the kind they call “konk” in pidgin. That wasn’t what he stood up to do; he stood up and walked towards Baba Bisi’s I-Pass-My-Neighbour generator, he put it off, picked a nearby board, placed the board on his head and next the generator was on his head with the board as the base. “Brother Wale! Is everything okay?” I shouted. “You be m’umu oh, your brother don dey mad you dey here dey ask whether everything is okay!” I thought someone whispered to me. “E fit be say na the water wey you give am nahim cause am oh!” The voice sounded like Yemi’s. “How water go make person mad?” I spoke out. “water and Igboh na madness oh!” The voice must sure be devil’s. “Maami! Maami! Maami!” I ran into the kitchen. As I and Maami ran in search of where brother Wale and the generator might be, we met Yellow on our way. “Your Brother stand for near market dey preach to the market women oh!” Yellow said, “him dey n’aked, all the small children dey laugh am!” “How you take know say him dey n’aked?” I needed to know. “person wey no wear any cloth no be n’akedness be that?” “so why you no give am clothe make him wear na?” I queried. “I get clothe? so na this my boxers I go pull give am abi? So that me sef go dey n’aked abi?” Yellow said, “but sha all the clothe wey them take cover him body, him dey troway them!” I thought my mother stood hearing all what my friend Yellow said, but as I looked left, I saw that she was nowhere to be found. “Maami wait for me!” I chased after her. “So Brother Wale don let everybody see him n’akedness after him don hide am make I no see am? Me wey be him brother? Today I must see that him na’kedness wey him don dey hide fro

“So Brother Wale don let everybody see him n’akedness after him don hide am make I no see am? Me wey be him brother? Today I must see that him na’kedness wey him don dey hide from me since” I was lost in my thought. All of a sudden I collided with something and another something poured me. “you no dey look where you dey go?” Mama Luku the palm oil seller said. “Sorry Ma!” I saw that I had been baptized with palm oil. “you must pay for my oyel oh!” She held my shirt. “I go pay!” I empty promised. “oya bring the money!” Mr. Macho was so quick to punch me to the jaw. He had appeared from nowhere. “Yeah my mouth oooh! Brother Luku wetin I do you?” I cried. “Bring the money for the oyel now!” He thundered. “I no get am here! E dey house!” “you no get am here abi!” Brother Luku let out another punch that spun my head like a big wheel. Then I was on ground, and I was dumb too. “get up come fight me na!” Brother Luku was the Heavy weight Champion the neighbourhood boosted of. As I lied on the ground I recalled I had an outstanding beef with Brother Luku for plucking Mangoes from the mango tree in front of their compound without his permission. “I am sorry!” I managed to say. “Sorry for yourself!” He tapped my head and i heard them left. For Forty minutes I was lying on the ground like the man beaten by thieves in Jericho’s road in the parable of the Good Samaritan yet there was no Samaritan to come help me up. Children surrounded me and laughed. “na una papa una dey laugh!” I cursed. When I got home Maami was shocked and she personally gave me a clean bath promising to pay for the palm oil I poured. When I asked her where Brother Wale was and she told me he had been admitted in the hospital I smiled again. I smiled because my “best friend” wasn’t mad after all. “take this thing! Wale said you should take it home for him!” Brother Emeka handed over a parcel to me as I closed business for that night. I could feel from touching the parcel that what was inside was nothing but Brother Igb

na until his head knock be4 e go leave igbo

Well...am getting confused now

No be u talk say una Maama don Die

following keenly ride on bro

Lwkmd

@smartkhaey, Read it again That's a flashback

Lolzzz

Dis thing is getting cmplicated

I tink ur mama don resurrect again abi

Ur brother sha

But what

mute

It was all a flashback.

Don't be confused about S.B talking about his mother. If u read keenly u will understand it a flash back.

Episode 9 Anifowoshe a community close to Badagry is not the conventional close-to-city community you know. The community has it all; all professions, all kinds of characters. There was some that said their calling was to smoke weed morning-afternoon-night; Brother Wale was part of such people. He joined them since he couldn’t beat them. Mehn! I missed the old Brother Wale. The old brother Wale was dogged and had a lot of gusto; he would wake up as early as 6am and set for a quest; that quest was to look for a job. He had wanted to work in Television house as a newscaster so his destination point everyday was television and radio houses to submit his CV. And at the end of the day friendly lights will guide him home after he had stopped over at the bar to drink a bottle or two of the legendary 1759. Then he comes home complaining how graduate-unfriendly Nigeria was; wishing he was the president of the nation. Well the Brother Wale then could be the president of the world I can affirm, as for the Brother Wale after he met Igboh Kwenu the dealer of weed, he could be the president of only one nation – Igboh nation. The frustration of not getting a job as a third class graduate made Brother Wale changed from being in the nation of born again christians to being in the nation of weed smokers. Brother Wale was the choir master in church not because Baami was the pastor but because he loved his maker so much. He was the one that would spank me in the presence of my friends for coming late to church. He was the one that told me to stop hanging out with Debo because he was a gambler and that gamblers are thieves. The same Brother Wale was later a gambler extraordinaire and a maestro in smoking. The street knew his reputation and pedigree. As I walked down our street towards kpomoh junction where our house was located whistling with pot on my head and bucket containing bean cakes that was left unsold, I heard, “hey you stop there!” I stopped abruptly and turned to see two police officers doing their job at kpomoh junction. “Me?” “Yes you! Come over here!” “God! I don die today!” Bearing in mind that the parcel Brother Emeka gave to me was in my back pocket. “Wetin you carry?” I thought I heard “Garri” in place of “carry”, so I answered saying; “Garri! I no carry Garri oh, na Akara! Na me be SB, Mama Wale pekin! Na we dey sale Akara for junction” “Common come here!” I saw Officer Tunde our regular customer. “Seyi Bobo! So naso you go take land for prison for Igboh wey no be your own?” Someone whispered to my ears. “Sergent! Search him!” Officer Tunde thundered, “na una dey go rob people for their house for night!” “Bros you no know me? I no be thief oh!” I cried out. “Shut up! Sergeant! Search him!” I looked at the deserted street for the last time before I go to jail and tears rolled down my eyes. “ahaaaan! Why you dey cry na!” The sergeant had finished searching my front pocket, he headed for the back pocket where the weed was. “What greater love than this, for a man to die for his friends!” That scripture was beginning to make sense at that moment. I was going to jail and I might die there for my brother. “Oooh Brother Wale!” I cried. “wetin be this thing!” The sergeant brought out the weed. “nothing sir!” I answered. “sir! I think this is Indian head!” The sergeant said. “Me! Indian head! I am not a ritualist!” I cried out. “My friend will you shut up!” The sergeant was having a field day tapping my head, “sir this boy carry Indian head! Igboh!” “Sergeant Edward! How many times will I tell you that it is called Indian hemp and not Indian head?” “Sorry sir!” “So you carried this Indian hemp with you! Will you lie down!” Officer Tunde cracked his gun like I was a highway robber. Lying down I felt river flowed from the stick in between my legs. I think I was having a genetic disorder; my d’ick rises to full attention whenever I was under pressure or depressed.

Episode 9 *continued* As Officer Tunde stamped his foot on my head I made more water flowed. “Seyi Bobo see as you dey p’iss for body because of ordinary Police” An evil spirit was speaking to me. “Why must I always go through hell for brother Wale? Why?” I cried. “Sergeant open it lets see the type of igboh in it, the type of igboh in it will determine how many years he will spend in prison” Officer Tunde said. “Make e no be Shita Igboh oh!” I prayed, because I had overheard Brother Wale said Shita weed was the most dangerous from this part of the world. Shita weed was responsible for his close-to-madness experience - I mean the generator experience. “which kin Igboh be this?” I heard sergeant Edward said after opening the envelope. “Bring it here!” said Officer Tunde. Few minutes of silence and I was already seeing myself in KiriKiri Maximum prison serving my term. “no be Igboh be this na!” I heard Officer Tunde said. “na C’ocaine, the one wey get leaf!” Our Sergeant Edward said. “shut up my friend! No dey talk wetin you no know, this na Moringa leaf, the one wey don dry” “which one be Moringa leaf again na?” I asked myself. I already saw bullets drilled through my chest for carrying Moringa leaf a more dangerous and prohibited drug than Indian hemp and C’ocaine. “Young man, stand up!” Officer Tunde commanded. I closed my eyes, said my last prayer and positioned appropriately to receive the bullets and enter hell. “Who have this” He walked close to me. “its for my…………… my……………………… elder brother!” I stammered. “your elder brother!” “yes, his name is Wale………………………… Wale Ajibade” I added. “I like it! I take it too! Can I have it?” He said. “have it! Yes sir you can have it!” I was glad I wasn’t going to jail. “it is a very healthy leaf!” Officer Tunde said. “you can have it sir! I will buy another one for my brother!” “oooh! You know where they sell it?” He inquired. “Yes I did!” I killed English. “ok! You will give me your phone number; I will call you when I need more!” “okay sir!” I had just bought a phone two weeks ago; inherited I mean; I had just inherited Brother Wale’s “kpalasa” phone. “And why your trouser wet? You p’iss for body?” The sergeant beamed his light on my trouser. “no oh! Na sweat! Naso we dey sweat for our family” And they both laughed……………… “you no go leave this Akara for us?” Sergeant Edward long throated. “I will of course” As I entered the house I met with Brother Wale who was munching Yam in the sitting room. “Did Emeka give you anything to bring home?”

Hmmmmm...Still following!!

hahaha, sweaty family

Hahahahaha. Ofcus nd u wl tell him wat happened on ur way

anoda problem

so funny

so wetin u go tell ur brother now

Lol I did gives its to the polices

U don enter am

Na so una dey sweat for una family

Funny sha... Na dis Broda Wale go kill una

ride on

Lovin' this story. Brother Wale next o!

Episode 10 Me?” I answered. “no me! My friend where is the thing he gave you to keep for me?” He coughed. “Sorry sir!" "coho! coooh! sorry for yourself! where is it?" "I put it in my pocket, lemme bring it” I searched my back pocket. “ahaan! Its not here oh! But I put it here na!” I took lollipop form my goody bag of lies. “then where is it?” “I no know oh! E be like say my pocket dey leak oh!” Imagine hot yam struck your left eye and a stainless plate fired to the back of your head; that’s not all, imagine palm oil poured on your face entering you eyes. That was what happened to me that night. When I woke up the next morning I saw my eyes was a palm oil mine; red in colour. “I want us to be playing music here” Brother told me as we set the fire to start work one evening. “Music! How?” “I mean I want us to play music to entertain our customers” “okay! That means we will need to hire a generator every night” “Don’t worry about that I have a generator already, I bought it from Luku” “Okay Brother, since you have bought a generator already and we have a sound system in the house, we can play music for our customers then” I was glad. I was glad I will have the medium to display to my customers my dancing skills. “Bring Akara two hundred naira for me!” Red Loaf Yellow’s elder brother ordered. “Oga Red the Akara still dey fire, wait small!” I said. “You dey mad there! How many times I go tell you people say my name no be Red, my name na Rad loaf” Red, Red loaf, are there not the same? As far as there is a red in it. Red loaf is a guy red in complexion; an upcoming musician, and he is as skinny as dried fish. I think the Onis had colour deformity in their gene. The first son is red in complexion, the second son is Yellow in complexion and their only daughter is somewhat green in complexion. As for their mother and father? Fogerit mehn! Their Dad is greenish blue while their Mum is “pure” yellow – an albino. “How dare you call my brother mad!” Brother Wale stood for a fight. Brother Wale had always hated Red loaf since he promised to make Christy a music star in the process tried r’aping her; he had since then always longed to pick a fight with him and “beat the hell out of him”, his words. “Is he not mad? Don’t he look mad? In fact all your family members are mad!” Red loaf cursed. “you are a big f’ool!” Brother Wale pushed Red loaf and he was on guard bouncing for a fight. “you wan fight me?” Red loaf swayed. “Brother Wale leave him! Don’t fight him!” I said “he will beat you Brother Wale” I nearly said. “baaaam!” A very "ripe" punch landed on Brother Wale’s left eye. One-zero. “I dodge am!” Brother Wale gave the air a punch. Over the bar. “baaam baaam!” On quick successions, two heavy punches land on Brother Wale’s both eyes. Three-zero. “my eye ooh!” I helped my brother cried. “wetin give Brother Wale mind? See the kin blow wey Red loaf blow him mouth and him no cry!” I said to myself. Then yet another hot punch to my brother’s nose and I saw him staggered like Klint the drunk. “you no go help am? Until them go kill your brother!” I heard from my left ear. Next Brother Wale grabbed Red loaf and…………………………… “aaaaaah! My nose oh!” “Nose?” “Him dey bite my nose oh!” I heard Red loaf cried. “hahahahahahaha! Red loaf nose na Kpomoh, e don tay wey Wale chop Kpomoh” Brother Timo laughed. “who tell you that one? Sabi sabi!” I can be very disrespectful when someone abuse my elder brother. “na me you dey talk to?” Brother Timo walked towards me. “yes na you I dey talk to, how you go insult my brother?” “you dey mad?” He asked. “I no dey mad” I answered simple question. “na me you dey tell say you no dey mad abi?” “yes!” Before I knew it, a push on my chest and I flew like a rocket with the speed of light. Little did I know……………….. Little did I know that my b’alls in a split second will be fried with Akara b’alls. “Shhhhaaaaa” I landed on something very hot. My b’utt was on fire and I could fe

My b’utt was on fire and I could feel in my brain too. “My nyash!” I cried, “Brother Wale help me! My nyash!” Not only my “nyash”, my laps were melting, My palms were swollen, my b’alls were frying, I could feel gas came out from my a’sshole, I had p’ooed in the hot oil. “my nyash! Make una help me!” And they all fled save Brother Wale.

so funny a story

Na wetin u go tell ur broda

hahaha funny story

Lolz

Rolling with laughter....

lol

eeyah

oh oh

ur nyash on fire

He fried ur ass. Lol

Lmao..Funny episode.

Hahaha! Funny, all ur body go soon fry nw

Lol.ah don die

hahaha, the writer of this tory is something else. can't stop laffing

Episode 11 “so you cannot fight for me!’ Brother Wale said to a bed ridden SB. “But I was fighting for you na, that’s why I am here” The hospital bed was hard on my butt. “Is it Timo that you are supposed to fight?” “I was fighting him because he insulted you” My nyash never remained the same; it was peel off, I was a typical; “black body, yellow nyash”. For the next few weeks I went through hell in school. His Royal highness Kpobo made sure school was hell for me, He drew me in the blackboard sitting on a pot of hot oil. And mehn Kpobo can draw! He drew my head so perfectly that deep down I commended him. “burn-burn nyash how far! Make I see your nyash!” Kpobo said to me during break time. “na that one make you dey pour me spit?” Kpobo was a watering can when he spoke. “who dey pour you spit?” He grabbed my nyash. “aaaaaaaah! My nyash! Oya sorry sorry sorry!” I felt groundnut oil dripped off my a’ss. “You! Why are you standing?” Mr. Audu the new mathematics teacher said. “sir I have…….” I pointed at my behind. “sir his bom-bom is bad!” Kpobo stood and said. “His bom-bom oti baje” Yemi my best friend stabbed me, and the whole class laughed. “What happened to his bom-bom?” Mr. Audu asked. “Sir him fall inside oil wey them dey use to fry Akara” Yemi the information minister. Even Mr. Audu couldn’t hide his laughter. “SB my man!” Yemi ran to me as I walked home. “you dey mad there! So na me you dey laugh for class abi?” “I dey mad abi? You dey curse me say I dey mad because I tell them wetin happen to your nyash abi?” “Yes, are you not a mad man? Can’t you frown your face while they were laughing?” “okay sorry na” “abeg comot here jor!” “sorry na! Moi moi dey here oh” He offered. “I no want!” That was initial “gra-gra”, I knew I would still take. “the Moi moi sweet oh, where you buy am?” I munched. “na for Mama Ekiti place oh” He informed. I had forgotten, I had forgotten that I needed to prevent eating fart-fast-producing food like Moi Moi. We were about 50 metres to our street when on fart came; “brruuuu!” my a’ss itched. The gas was responsible i guess. “bruuutuu!” And it was very itchy. “Yemi!” I called. “ehnnn! Wetin?” He turned. “help me scratch my nyash” I pleaded, “scratch am small small oh” As Yemi c’aressed my a’ss for some seconds I was back to normal, but he paused. “Continue na!” I was enjoying it. “Hold it there! What are you doing to his a’ss?” I heard Brother Wale’s voice. “I don’t have axe with me oh!” Yemi said. “I turned and saw Grand Commander of the Federal Republic Brother Wale with his first lady Christy. “He is not axing me oooh!” “hahahahahaha!” Christy laughed. “why are you laughing na! Yemi is not with axe na!” I cautioned. “Will you shut up! I said what are you doing with his a’ss?” Brother Wale pointed. “Okay! My nyash! He is just helping me to scratch it” “He is helping you scratch you nyash abi?” Brother Wale frowned. “Is your nyash scratch card?” Aunty Christy said. “Na your Papa nyash be scratch!” I cursed. “eehn! you say wetin?” She yelled. That was the day I knew Brother Wale could do better than Usain bolt.

Na wetin bro wale do u

hahahahaha wale will deal with u that day

your brother is not alright at all

haha

This brother wale gan self he gt 2much of problem ooo

hahaha

Lol Lwkmd

Kikiki.. Br0ther wale is sumfin else

Hahaha...was did he do

i know he is ready to give u d best beatings of ur life

Lolz

Episode 12 Dear Brother Wale, I know say I be bad boy, I know say I piss in the bed fourteen times this year, forgive me I drink too much of water every night, I don lied to you reach three million times, forgive me I go reduce the lie to ten for one day. I have not been frying delishus Akara, forgive me I no dey patient to allow it done. I have reduce to forty five position out of sixty wey we dey for class; e be like say Mr. Audu the maths teacher hate me; he say my head too big. Brother Wale I know say heaven dey, I no say God sef dey; i go dey go church every sunday, I swear! Brother Wale pls all I want for Christmas is “Timbolo” God bless you in anticipashun for positive responses. Your fine Brother, SB. I posted the letter in his shoe and I left for school that morning. “Guy if you see my new red Timbolo ehnnnn!” Kpobo said. “Me my own na Blue!” Kolawole added. “Me my own don old, my senior brother say him go buy white one for me before Christmas!” Yellow said. “What of you Yemi?” Kpobo asked. “My father say him go buy for me next week” “And what of you SB?” Kpobo asked. “Me I never know whether my brother go buy for me oh! I will discuss it with him this evening” “Seyi! Come here!” Brother called from the sitting room that evening. “I am here sir” I had already rehearsed what all my responses to his questions would be. This was what I rehearsed and mastered: Brother Wale: Seyi! Who wrote that letter? SB: It was me sir! Good afternoon sir! Brother Wale: And what is good about the afternoon? SB: Nothing sir. Brother Wale: Was the letter meant for me? SB: Yes sir Brother Wale: And what is Timbolo? SB: Timbolo is a shoe that my friends are wearing now, I like the shoe. Brother Wale: I see! So how much is this Timbolo? SB: 5k, I mean five thousand naira for the fake one, and ten thousand naira for the original one, but I want the fake one. Brother Wale: Haahahahahahaha! And why do you prefer the fake? SB: Because I know you cannot afford the original. Brother Wale: Hahahahahahaha! You are funny! I will buy it for you next week. That was my imagination of what the conversation would be, but that wasn’t how it was in reality. “Who wrote that letter?” He asked facing the TV. “It was me sir!” I answered. “It is me, not it was me! Correct yourself!” “It is me!” “Are you the one that wrote it yourself or someone helped you write it?” I thought he wanted to give me an award for my excellent letter writing skills. “Helped? Nobody help me oh!” “Come closer” He smiled, “you can write oh, come and shake me!” “Brother I told you I can now write letter!” I shook his hand smiling. “aaaaah! My hand!” I cried. Brother Wale was mangling my right hand. “Brother it is paining me!” I cried. As if that was all, he gave me a sledge hammer knock on my head. “oooaaah! My head” As if that was all……………… He farted. “Brother!” His fart smelled like rotten egg. Yet he still held my right hand and I felt one finger dislocated. “Brother my hand have break!” I cried. “hnnnnn!” His fart smelled “better”; like corpse. “braaaa!” He farted again, and at that point I think the stench affected my eardrum; I heard echoes. “kpooopokom!” Another knock on my head cleared my eardrum; I was hearing a loud alarm. Brother Wale's judgment was that I learned three news words everyday and that I would tell him the meaning of the words every night before we went to bed. “So tell me the three words you learned today?” “Okay! I learned Eloquent!” I told him. “Good! and what does it mean?” He asked. “Speaking readily, clearly, and effectively sir!” I said. “That’s right! The second word?” “The second word is Fantastic!” “And what does it mean?” He asked. “It means extraordinarily good or great; used especially as an intensifier” I had crammed the meaning of these words. “Thats good! The last word?” “The last word is C’litoris sir!” “what? Who told you that word?” “Nobody, I saw it in the dictionary, Brother wait n

Nobody, I saw it in the dictionary, Brother wait na let me tell you the meaning of the word!” I couldn’t wait. “oya speak!” I saw the disgust in his face. “It means a female sexual organ homologous to the p’enis” I said, “And brother lemme make a sentence with it; Aunty Christy have a big c’litoris while Brother Wale have a small p’enis” Blackout on me that night.

Episode 13 “Brother there is no firewood in the house oh!” I returned from searching for firewood at home. “so what do we do?” “I suggest we close for the day!” I wished. “how can we close when we have all this plenty customers?” Brother Wale said, “can’t you see they are enjoying the music I am playing?” “m’umu, Your mate dey play better music you dey play Michael Jackson song!” I wondered what Michael Jackson's songs had to do with Akara. “yes brother they are enjoying it I can see!” I said, “so what do we do?” “go to the bush!” He said. “go to the bush? Who?” “You of course” “Me? But it is late na!” I complained. “you will use torch light, or are you scared?” “Me? Scared? Why I go fear? I get mind die!” I said that because Tolani Yemi’s younger sister just walked pass. “Ehheeen! That’s my brother, Okunri meta!” Brother Wale handed over the torchlight to me, “don’t come back unless you are coming back with firewood oh!” "see your mouth! why you no go by yourself!" “Yemi come follow me go find firewood for bush na, abeg!” I pleaded. “Guy I wan go chop!” What a friend. “No money, no friends!” I encouraged myself with the words of the notorious Big as I walked the meandering part to the bush. “Bruuuuuu! Broooar! Bruuuuu!” I turned. “who be that?” Mehn! The bush was so dark that the torchlight I held was like a mare fire ant. Legend has it that in the bushes in Anifowoshe lives babies, Bush babies – they are dwarfs with one leg and with gray hair carrying a walking stick. “mewww!” I heard and the hair in the back of my head stood. “mewww!” As I bent down I heard, “mew mew mew mew mew!” I concluded two bush babies were fighting. “SB if this bush baby meet you here na die you don die oh!” Rumour had it that Kuti died of two slaps from two bush babies that slapped him after having sex with him. Little wonder the cliché “I go slap you like Kuti!” reigned in the neighbourhood while Kuti was sick for two weeks and after his death. “I go like make bush baby f’uck me like Kuti oh! E go make sense” I told Yemi when we heard of Kuti’s death. “who is there!” “guy carry one of that firewood and run!” I advised myself. Soon I heard footsteps towards me. And like a robot, I grabbed a huge firewood, placed it on my head and like a moving train I ran. I turned for a while when I was about six metres from the street and saw that about three bush babies ran after me. If two bush babies could have sex with Kuti and killed him with two slaps, three would sure kill SB. I was glad I made it to the street seeing people walked and I was sure the bush babies feared the light. But something was missing, my firewood! “Don’t come back unless you are coming back with firewood oh!” I remembered Brother Wale’s warning. “I think say I carry the firewood for my head?” I asked myself. “okay! I troway am that time so I go fit run fast oh!” I remembered. “wetin I go do now? I no dey go back to that bush oh! God forbid!” “Okay! I know wetin I go do!” I had remembered that by Brother Luku’s fence lied two bunches of firewood, and I reached a conclusion – I was gonna steal. Forgetting Brother Luku had three dogs, plus him, making it four.

Hahahahahahaha, this SB sef, ur brother will kill you one day

Kikikiki.. Br0ther luku sef na d0g... Dix S.B sef

Hahaha

na only you use your hand the invite trouble and as for brother wale in own don too much by now you go don get horn for head like hausa castcrated hegoat

next abeg

Hahahahahaha

sb u 2 lyk trouble

Smile Next!!!!

sure thing

U'LL surely gt anoda sledge knock on ur head again

Hahahaha Four dogs go bite ur knash oh...

Funny family

lwkmd

U don die b dat

Kikikikikiki...He'll beat you blue and black.

dis boy funny die

chai u funny

funny boy

Mumu!

Lolz, na die u dey dat nyt

Episode 14 “hold it there!” I heard. “you know that is stealing, you are a thief” I thought God was speaking to me. “Bill! Skill! Trill! Get him!” “Get who?" I thought I was dreaming. Bill, Trill and Skill are skillful in biting off the cap. I remember Skill almost biting off Debo’s cap – the cap of his p’enis leaving only the b’alls, and we nicknamed Debo “Debo! where your pencil?” “SB where your pencil?” I imagined Kpobo drawing a cartoon animation of me in the blackboard with a broken p’enis so I ran faster; I ran like there was no tomorrow, or like my tomorrow was dead. “SB! Where are you running to?” I ran pass Tolani my crush, my babe rather. “Nowhere! I am just exercising! I need to lose weight!” “Aaaah!” I turned and saw that I had a running-partner already. Didn’t they say “what a man can do a woman can do better”? “Wait for me SB!” Women can be funny sha! I am running for my dear life and you are telling me to wait for you, is it a heavenly race? Even heavenly race is personal. Then from nowhere, Tolani overtook me. She was running bare footed. “Tolani!” I called. She was soon two metres ahead. Yemi had told me severally that Tolani was always coming first in their school's inter-house sport competition but I never believed, seeing her ran so fast in the inter-house sport of life and death, I believed. Soon my legs were failing me. “SB! Seyi bobo! So naso you go take die?” I was already imagined what will be said of me when I rest in peace, in pieces rather; because I was very sure the three dogs would surely pieces my bones. “And here lies the body of a vibrant soldier, a dogged sailor that sailed through life’s turbulence and was victorious, he fought for love, like Romeo he died for the love of his life, may his gentle soul rest in peace!” That would be in the event of my demise. Wherever Tolani ran to I followed knowing women made better decisions in emergencies. Or so I thought. Holly s’hit! She was running towards her compound, and I could see Bill was so close to me. I had watched in a movie that a guy was chased by a dog, and once he put off his slippers and continued running bare footed, the dog stopped and was chewing the slippers. Taking off my slippers shortened the distance from Bill, and I was so tired. “Lord pls take my hands!” I wept. I looked forward and saw Tolani was in her compound already, and guess what? She shut the gate. After girls go say men are wicked. Who wicked now? “Tolani open the gate!” I cried with a loud voice. I had ten seconds to decide what my next line or action would be lest I died and made hell. “Jump that fence!” Was a suggestion. But my mind flashed back to the last time I tried jumping a fence. That was when our ball was fired to Igboh kwenu the igboh dealer’s compound. The same Tolani caused me woo that afternoon. I had decided that since I wasn’t fit in the pitch meaning I was playing rubbish – kind of my-stomach-show-me-where-to-play-to style of football; the kind they play in Swaziland league, I needed to prove to Tolani that I was superman albeit not in the pitch but in fence climbing. With so much dexterity, I jumped holding the top of the fence with my both hands, then blood rained on me – there were tiny bottles affixed to the top of the fence. “SB climb enter na” My in-law to be Yemi said; more like he said: “prove to me that you will take good care of my sister when you marry her!” “aaaaah! Bottle dey the fence! I have died!” Grammar matters not in such situation. I tried to pull myself up and the bottles pierced deeper reaching my skeletal structure. “Abeg comot here jor! You no know say that side bottle dey, na here bottle no dey!” Yellow swiftly entered the compound. “Sorry oh!” Tolani said, “Did it wound you?” “S’tupid question! No e no wound me, e kiss my hand, you see blood full my hand you dey ask me nonsense question!” “See that tree for there, jump catch one of the branch!” Another suggestion. Monkeys climbs tree,

*Continue* Monkeys climbs tree, but SB climb better is a know fact. I jumped more than an Olympic high jumper; like I was asked to grab the skies. I held one of the branches and just when I thought at last I had found succor, the branch I held broke and I fell to the ground. And guess where I fell? Inside a very deep gutter. I mean a very very deep gutter. I was fully clad with pottor-pottor, kelebe, nyama, spit, s’hit, piss, all combined. The Dogs were up there staring at their prey in another cloth; they wished they could jump in and devour me. Suddenly like they were called to come eat bones, the Dogs left faster than I imagined. Then I heard the gate opened and I heard Tolani said “I saw him running behind me towards the compound” “Then where is he?” That was Yemi’s voice. “I don’t know!”

Episode 15 Brother Wale located SB the gutter man, carried me home like a baby, bathe me with warm water and laid me to bed. What love for a brother? Or was he high? Yes he was high. “Smoke small na” He offered as I tried catch sleep. “I don’t want to smoke” “One day you will have to learn how to smoke, weed is good for the health; it makes a man to be able to perform his duties” “I don see you wey dey perform duties na?” The first day I tasted weed, that day I saw why they said the sun rotates round the earth. I was twelve and four foot tall, brother Wale gave me two wraps of weed to take home for him and as I got home I assured myself I would kill my curiosity that afternoon since no one was at home – Brother Wale had before then told me weed tasted like Vitamin C. And ooh my, I so loved Vitamin C the red one; I still love it. Since there was no wrapping paper to wrap the weed with, I assured myself paper was paper so I tore a carton I saw in the kitchen. I painstakingly wrapped the weed and said the Lord’s Prayer as I light the end. How dare you ask me what for? Didn’t your momma teach you to pray before meal? I crossed my leg as I took the first drag, I coughed. I was feeling like the boss Rick Ross with a cigar; yes the carton was rolled perfectly like I was working in a cigar production company. “This thing no sweet na!” I said, “e no sweet like Vitamin C na!” I coughed so hard as I dragged more. “yeeeh! Mogbe oh! My eye! My eye dey turn me” I tried standing up. My eyes spun and I was seeing everything in twos, then later on in threes, but what I couldn’t comprehend was why I had five legs – where did the extra three come from? “Get behind me Satan!” Our Sunday school teacher had told us that whenever we were in tough times we should quote that verse. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil” I tried walking. “……………………… He maketh me lie down in green pastures” I was lying on the floor. Then I freed the weed in my hand. Within a minute or so I saw fire. “Moses and the burning bush” I said. “Fire oooh! Fire ooh!” I heard my mum shouted from outside. “which fire?” I struggled to stand up. I stood up, took three steps away from the Kerosene container that was on fire, stared at it for a while and said; “The sun is beautiful! Where is the moon?” “The moon should be in your room” Someone told me. “You be correct! How you take know?” “I know na, I do literature, you don forget that book - The moon is above your bed?” So I staggered to my room. Standing close to the bed I looked at the ceiling to see the moon. “But the moon is not here na?” I spoke. “see it na! Can’t you see it?” My friend told me. “who are you sef? I said I am not seeing it and you are telling me rubbish, shey na you get the room?” “No vex na, as you no dey see am, sleep your head don full, just sleep” And I slept. I came back to reality from dreamland when water was sprinkled on me by brother Wale. “ahaaan! What did I do?” “Will you not go to school today?” “Me? School? I will not go oh!” “Why?” He asked. “No reason sir!” The reason was that Kpobo was my new sit-partner according to Friday’s sit reshuffle. “That reminds me? Where is the weed I gave you to keep for me?” “Weed? Me? What is weed?” “My friend where is the thing I gave to you?” He tapped my head and my brain reset. “Okay! As I was coming to the house…………………… As I was coming to the house……………” “eeeeheeen! As you was coming to the house what happened?” “As I was coming to the house, one of the them fall from my leaking pocket, I still have one here” I dipped my hand into my pocket. As he collected it, I positioned my head for a great knock but I was surprised seconds later there was none that landed on it. “The kitchen was on fire yesterday, I would have been glad if you were burnt in the inferno!” He smiled. “Really? How did you put off the fire?” I asked. “I peed on it, and it went off” He answered. “Okay! You should

Okay! You should be working in the fire service then!” I said. “And I should be working in the boys scout for making fire” I almost said. “Hahahahahaha!” He laughed. “Brother Wale! Brother Wale!” I hailed. “that reminds me, you have a letter; a love letter”

Lmao..So Funny!

this funny die ....u sure u see moses

Hahahaha

love letter ke

Hahahahahahaha funny SB

Dis story is so funny

best coolval comedy series. I love d story die

Love letter... read it

Love letter from who

Lmao That love letter will earn him a,knock.

Lol.....this is really amusing

Episode 16 Since I was preparing for WAEC I had no choice but to carry my books to the hangout and read while I fried. “Brother help me blow fire!” I said. “okay! Pass me that book” “Which book?” “That book na!” He pointed. “ahaaan! Brother why will you use my mathematics notebook to blow fire? Use your mouth na!” “I should use my mouth? Common give me the book jor!” He grabbed it. Wickedness is Brother Wale; an evil genius indeed. I will never ever forget the day he did what Napoleon couldn’t do, he fed me – I mean choked me with food. That was the day I realized too much of everything is not good, and that Brother Wale was the most wicked person on earth; his name should be in Guinness book. “Brother I am hungry oh!” I complained after returning from school. “Yes I know you are hungry, I just put beans on fire” “kai! Before this beans go done, I go don die!” I assured myself, so I headed for Gari the one that saves Nigerians. I had forgotten Brother Wale hated drinking Gari and he wouldn’t allow me drink. He said drinking Gari meant one was poor, so to prevent poverty he warned that I never drank Gari in his presence no matter how hungry I was. “Brother this one you are watching cartoon?” I crossed my leg munching Gari. “abi you no watch am when you dey small?” I saw Tom was chasing Jerry with a Knife. He was so focused watching that at some point I thought he was watching either Nine O’clock news or his football club Manchester united was playing against say Chelsea. “Why Brother Wale eye just dey focus for TV?” I asked myself. “Maybe money dey this Tom and Jerry oh! Abi if person watch am, the person go win money?” Because I was sure Brother Wale was in dire need of money that period of his life. “Make me sef watch oooh, in case!” I said to myself. “no cut am! No cut am!” I said as Tom ran closer to Jerry and was about to cut its head. “Splasssssh!” Tom sliced Jerry’s head into two. How on earth my cup of Gari poured Brother Wale’s head, I couldn’t comprehend. I turned and saw Brother Wale was Lagbaja and the Gari on his head reminded me of our grand father with gray hair. “Hahahahahahahahaha!” I laughed “How dare you pour me Gari on my head?” I saw he wasn’t smiling. “I’m sorry sir! it was a mistake” I knelt down. “You……… you are sorry for yourself!” A knock landed on my head. “aaaahhh! Sorry na!” I cried. “Come here! How many times will I warn you not to drink Gari in this house?” I took steps backwards. “Hundred times sir!” “Hundred times abi, and you are still drinking?” “I am drinking because I am hungry” He wiped out the Gari on his face leaving the one on his beard and his head, and I swear he looked like Wole Shoyinka. “you are hungry eeehn! Didn’t I tell you there is beans on fire already?” “Yes sir! You told me!” I answered. “So?” “I am very hungry that is why!” I answered. “hnnnnn! Hungry man! That means you can finish the beans on fire alone abi?” He paused. “Yes of course!” I talked without thinking. “fine! You see that bag of beans in the kitchen, I want you to measure fourteen cups and put it on fire! I mean the other stove” “Why Brother? Are we expecting visitors?” I cared to know. “Yes oooh, I am expecting my friends” “This one na m’umu oh! You are expecting your friends and you are cooking beans for them, shey you no see better food cook?” I cursed within. Little did I know I would be the one that would end up being the m’umu. “Brother the two beans don done oh!” I announced two hours later. “okay! Serve me from the first one, and serve the second one in a big bowl” “A bowl?” “Yes a bowl, use that our big bowl that Maami use to urinate in while she was alive” "Why that bowl?" “I have put the beans in the bowl and i have covered it, What of my own?” I asked after serving him, “which one will I eat?” “You see that one in the bowl? Eat it, its yours!” He said, ”And wait…………………………… you must finish it” “How? How will I finish this thing?” “Don’t ask me how; I thought you

Don’t ask me how; I thought you said you are a glutton” “Glutton? I don’t like super glue oooh” In case he added to the punishment that super glue was to represent stew. “You must finish it ooh!” He emptied the beans left in the pot into the bowl. I was eating and I was farting; the farts gave room for more beans to enter my four chambered stomach. “Brother it is not good ooh! God is watching you ooh!” I complained. “sssshs! If I hear peeim! I will flog you!” He raised the cane he held. As I ate, the beans in the bowl increased and my tears on the floor formed River Nile. “Brother, me I can not finish this food oh!” I felt beans coming out from my nose. He carried the bowl of beans, and just when I thought I had been saved by the bell; “prrrruuuuuuu!” It was raining beans on me. That’s not wickedness, this is: “Don’t worry the fire will come up, lemme use my mouth to blow it” At last he agreed to use his mouth. “It has comed up” Grammar broken. “oooooH! My note!” I jumped from where I sat. My mathematics note was on fire, “water! Water!” I cried. “water what? I will buy you another note!” “you will buy me another note, will you help me write the note?” I dipped my right hand into the fire to bring out my half-way-burnt notebook. “eeeeaaaah! My hand oooh!” My right hand was burning, “water! Water!” How f’oolish of me to dip my hand into hot oil wishing it was water.

From fry pan to fire.... Can't stop laughing... Next!!!!!!

Seyi y u come dey suffer lyk dis

From one wahala to another.. Seyi bobo your ancestors is on ur case.

from frying pan to fire

U wt dis ur brother wl nt kill me wt laugh

you don too suffer from dis ur wicked wale.

Reading

this brother wale suppose go knocking competition And na people like am devil dey see shout blood of Jesus the guy over heartless

guy u wise oooo

Cont

Seyi bobo,Brother Wale no go kill u

ROFL

Lwkmd

Haha haha...you and this your brother

SB the phunny dude.

Lol Funny story ni o

Lolz...SB, u mumu ooo

Actor and Boss in the hauz.

lol

This Story Is Funny O

Xo Funny, my belle won burst wit laughter

Episode 17 Mathematics exam was the worse of exams in WAEC for me; others were bad; like in English paper I answered just fourteen out of the hundred objective questions, I concentrated on the theory questions and dealt with them, or so I thought. On the day of mathematics I wrote well I must confess - in dreamland and not in reality. “SB wetin dey happen na! why you dey sleep like this?” “Guy I no well! My eye dey turn me” I think the quadratic equations I saw in the question paper spun my eyes and the Simultaneous equations combined with the Pap and beans I ate that morning caused me sleep. “Young man, Why are you sleeping in the exam hall?” The invigilator asked. “sir I think I am not feeling fine” “Then go to the hospital!” “m’umu! Make I go hospital leave exam wey I dey right abi?” I cursed within. “SB! SB! Copy from my work!” Yemi changed sit and was sitting close to me. I was writing and was sweating profusely, I wrote to a point that I couldn’t comprehend what I was to write next. “Yemi I no dey see this equation wey you write here oh” “which one?” “this one na!” I pointed. “hahahahahahahah! SB! SB!” “why you dey laugh na?” “That thing wey you dey call equation na my name na!” I cleared my eyes and saw that what I was about writing was “Yemi Morebeshe” His name written at the top of the page. “Guy your handwriting na war oh!” “You! Both of you stand up! Why are you talking in the exam?” I never saw the principal entered. “Sir I was not talking oh, I just asked him to borrow me pencil” I lied. “You asked him to borrow you pencil abi?” “come with me!” “Who? Me or him?” “Yes you!” “Sir where are we going to na?” I almost said. “Permit me Mr. Invigilator, this young man is going to write the rest of this paper in my office, he is too stubborn, you can come and check on him from time to time!” The principal requested. “No problem sir!” “ooohh! God! I don roast be that oh! Yemi for no come show me work oh! He for leave me make I dey sleep my thing oooh!” “Mtschwwww!” I hissed. “did you just hiss?” The principal turned as we walked to his office. “Me hissed? I dey craze? I was just singing!” “what kind of song were you singing?” The kind of Principal Mr. Eze was was the kind that needed to know even what the content of your bowel was. “Gospel song!” I answered. “Gospel song! Sang by who?” He asked. “Sang by Timaya!” I answered. “haaaaa! Is Timaya a gospel musician?” “Yes he is!” The morbid fragrance the principal’s office offered made me drew a conclusion that I had failed Mathematics already. But as I sat to write, an idea cropped in, “You know say you fit see maths textbook here?” “na true oh!” “Did I tell you to sit down?” “Yes sir………………………… I mean No sir!” I stammered. “That’s not where you will sit writing this exam; you will be in my inner chamber” He locked the door to his main office ushering me to the "inner chambers". “sit down!” He offered. “Sit where sir?” “Sit on the bed” In the history of mankind it has never being heard that anyone wrote an external exam sitting on a bed save SB. I was about to break history. “Write on this table!” He brought a plastic table. “Thank you sir” “I will put on the AC for you so you will be very comfortable” He put on the Air conditioner. “Thank you sir!” “And before I forgot you said you don’t have a pencil” He was about leaving, “take this one!” The environment was cozy yet there was nothing “upstairs” to write. “Wetin this man dey use bed do for him office sef? Abi him dey use am dey arrange all this SS3 girls” That was the obvious. “Fifteen minutes more!” The invigilators' voice was loud enough. Ten minutes of writing r’ubbish and I was in dreamland lying on the principal’s succulent bed; it was really soft compared to the stone we had at home we called bed. In the dream Brother Wale was by my side helping me solve the mathematics problems, and later on helping the whole students in the hall write. After the exam, i walked home

After the exam, i walked home with Yemi happily........................ "Yemi all of us don............" ...............“My friend what are you doing lying on my bed!!!?” A sound slap on my head chased me to reality. "................ Yemi all of us don pass oh!" I thought I was still dreaming. "The only pass you need to pass now is to pass your paper, Time up!"

This SB ehn!! He has a sense of humour.

hahaha

eeyah, enjoy ur life

SB...u have extraordinarily passed

lol

Mehn this story is so hilarious

Lolz

Episode 18 “Brother I want to ask you a question oh!” It was a very cold night at the hangout. “I hope its not a s’tupid question? Because you always ask s’tupid questions” “No brother its not a s’tupid question, it’s a wise one this time around” “Okay go ahead and ask, am all ears” And indeed he brought his ear close to me. “why you no go all ears when your ear na Laba-laba” Brother Wale’s ear is a characteristic of what we Yorubas call “Eti ewe” meaning leaf ear. Funny enough Eti ewe was his nickname while he was in secondary school. I remember some of his secondary school friends reminiscing school days and how Brother Wale got the nickname Eti ewe. While I eavesdropped, this conversation ensued: Legedez Benz: Eti ewe! Eti ewe, this your ear dey long everyday ooh. Emeka: I dey tell you, the size of the antenna dey increase everyday. Legedez Benz: Guy you remember that time for SS1 na! wey them tell Eti ewe make him clean black board with him ear. Koffi: No be small thing oh! Mr. Yale na wicked man oh! How him go say make Eti ewe use him ear as duster? hahahahaha! Brother Wale(Eti ewe): Abi I don warn una make una no dey call me Eti Ewe? Una no dey hear. Legedez Benz: Shut up abeg! You wey dey call me Legedez Benz nkor? Brother Wale: hahahahaha! LB! LB! You still dey trek? Make I see your shoe sole na! Koffi: Guy! But LB you trek that year oh! You be world trekker! You dey trek and your sole go dey cry! Hahahahahaha! SB: Hahahahaha! Legedez Benz. “Go ahead I am listening!” I felt like kissing his ear. “don’t vex for this question I want to ask you oh!” “I will not as far as it is a reasonable question” “Okay! The question I want to ask you is that why have you no gotten a job yet, why?” “Well, that’s a very good question, I have not gotten a job because most of the companies I go to for interviews say I am too qualified, that they can’t pay me” “Is that true? You are too qualified or you are too dull to pass the interviews?” My mouth was s'tupid. “Shut up! Are you mad? Don’t you have respect for me again?” He knocked my head. “I am sorry na, I was just wondering!” “Mr. Wonderer! How is my not getting a job any of your business?” “Because I love you!” These words melted his stony heart. “Really!” “Yes! I care about you brother!” “aaaw! Thank you for caring about me, don’t worry I will get a job soon!” He smiled, and I was sure I will be eating two pieces of meat that night. All of a sudden………………………………… “Wale! Wale!” Someone yelled. “Who is that?” We both turned at the same time. “Wale! Where my money?” It was Brother Luku the heavy weight champion, not he alone; Skill, Bill and Trill were with him. “Money! Which money?” “So you dey pretend like say you no know wetin I dey talk abi?” “What money are you talking of na?” “Where the balance of my money for the generator wey I give you?” “Ahhaaan! I thought we agreed that I should pay twelve thousand naira, and I have done that, so I don’t owe you” “That one wey you dey speak na English! Pay me my remaining 3k or I burst this bottle for your head!” Brother Luku was dead serious. “hahahahahaha! You can’t do nothing!” Brother Wale laughed. Next I saw was that Brother Luku was speaking to the bottle he held. Speaking what? I don't know! But I was sure it wasn't Yoruba. And next I saw was;”braaaaaawww!” Brother Wale’s head had been broken; he was bleeding and within seconds he was lying on the pool of his own blood. “aaaaah! Brother Wale don die oh!” I cried with the loudest of my voice. “Close your mouth there or I tell my dog make them chop you!” “Brother Wale! Aaaaaah! shabarabashabaearabtada” I spoke Swahili and farted. Fart under duress I suppose. Legend has it that farting under duress gave one the strength to fight. “I say make you shut up!” Brother, I mean Murderer Luku yelled. “I no go shut up! You have killed my brother because of three thousand naira” I carried a big stick. “eheeen! If I kill am nkor? Wetin you fit do?” “Wetin I

[b]Kikikikiki...This brother Luku get mind o[/b]

“Wetin I fit do be say I wan fight you!” Thank God there was no customer seated. “you wan fight me?” Like he was about releasing the dogs he held, ”If you wan fight me, you go first fight my dog them” “Love me, love my dogs” They say, “Hate Luku, hate his dogs” was it for me at that point. As the three dogs hurried towards me my fury grew stronger, I wasn’t scared at all; they was this inner strength in me – maybe I was housing the strength of Brother Wale as well as mine, or maybe not. I picked a stick from the fire place and “vooowm! Voowm!” I struck hard on Skill. Trill’s was a very heavy kick from me, and then swiftly the burning stick was slammed on its head twice. As for F’oolish Bill, it landed on hot oil on its own accord and was struggling to come out barking his life out. Then I hit Skill three times on its head as it took its last breath; I had hunted Okon good meat. Suddenly, Bill came out of the hot oil and headed towards me,”vaaaaawmn!” It received burnt offering. Luku saw my eyes spelt death, I was gonna kill him for killing Brother Wale, then he ran and I chased after him like Cheetah. “Mogbe oh!” Luku the strongest in the community was chased by SB the weakest, how tables turn. I looked back for a while and saw Trill was after me barking.

[b]Lmao...Irony of life sha... You can handle Trill jare, i feel for those dogs o; cause i love dogs. Chase Brother Luku wella. @mercy1 @hi-bee-kay @hormortiyor @adauche Another update is here.[/b]

Weakest indeed. Burn his ass wt dat burning wood

Make sure u kill dat murderer luku

Don't spare him

blood is thicker Dan water

next

Break luku head

Next Sharp sharp.

Episode 19 “Brother Wale wake up na!” I ran helter-skelter. It was getting very late, the street was deserted that night, maybe it was because it rained earlier, or it was because a Lion had gone to the grave beyond. Or maybe not. “Brother Wale!” Yemi joined me from nowhere. “Yemi come make we carry am!” I beckoned. “Guy see blood for your mouth “Yes na, na that b’astard Luku, as I dey pursue am na naso I fall for ground, him dog com fall on top my body, as me and the dog dey fight for ground naso the dog bite me for mouth oh!” I had hit my leg on stone while chasing Luku. Trill and I fought unending until I won the fight albeit losing my upper lip. “Guy the blood plenty oh! Your mouth go fall comot oh” “Leave am!” I supported the falling lip with my hand. “Guy carry am well na!” We drag our foot. They say corpse are always heavy, brother Wale was so so heavy, “carry am well na!” I urged. “I dey carry am well na!” “okay keep am down!” We were close to Kpomoh junction. “Brother Wale why you leave me go?” I could hear he was still breathing yet i thought he was dead. “Him never die!” Yemi assured. “Him never die – why him no com dey talk?” “Him go wake up, no worry!” My prayer for Yemi at that point was that he should lose one of his brothers and he would know how it feels losing an only brother. “Him go wake up abi? I don pour am water tayah for him face, why him no wake up?” I was crying blood. “Hey! Who are those?” I heard as we continued carrying the dead body of Brother Wale. “yeah! SB! Police! Olokpa! We have deading!” “Yemi! Which one be we have deading again? Hahahahahahaha!” I couldn't help but to laughed. “Hey! Who is laughing?” “Nobody sir!” My upper lip almost fell off. “ehnn! What are you carry?” We met again, Edward. “what are we carry? We are carry Brother Wale” I answered. “Ooooh I see! You are money ritual abi?” “Me? Money ritual? No oh! He is my brother!” The cool breeze the bushes around could offer dried my sweat. “And why is blood in your mouth?” He beamed the light on my face. “This thing in his mouth is not blood sir!” Yemi said. “then what is it?” Sergeant Edward cracked his gun. “Answer am na!” I eyeballed Yemi. “eheeen! Talk na, what is it?” He yelled. “Don’t mind him sir, it is Watermelon and Zobo, I ate Watermelon and Zobo not too long ago” I almost said. “So you this small boys are already money ritual!” At some point in my life when Brother Wale maltreated me, I felt like using him for money ritual but not that night. “Sir! I need your help here sir!” I looked at Sergeant Edward's head in his shadow as he stood on attention and I saw that his “head” was really a “ward”; a hospital ward, or maybe bigger. “Eheen! What is happening here?” Officer Tunde said. “sir this boys are money rituals” Edward announced. “really!” Officer Tunde beamed the light on my face, and then on Yemi's, and back to mine. “Sir we are not money rituals oooh!” I confessed, “This man is my elder brother” “And what happened to your mouth?” He asked. “It’s Dog! Dog bite my mouth” “Dog bite your mouth, and where are you going to with this body?” Officer Tunde asked. “Sir he has refused to wake up oh, and I want to carry him home, I think he is dead” “Dead! What happened to his head?” “Someone break bottle on his head” I thought I saw Brother Wale’s eyes winked as Officer Tunde beamed the light on his face. “are you sure he is dead?” “Sir I think so, I have poured water on him and he did not wake up” “Have you tried kissing him?” He asked. “Kiss?” “Yes kiss! Kiss of life” If there was one person I never dreamed of kissing even if a gun was put to my head, Brother Wale was that person; his mouth always smelled like our soak-away whenever he smokes weed and whenever he ate Suya too. Trust me, he ate Suya that night; few minutes before Luku showed up. “I know you!” Officer Tunde said. “I know you too! I gave you the Muringad that night” Moringad sounded like Spanish to me. “Moringa! You still

Episode19B “I know you too! I gave you the Muringad that night” Moringad sounded like Spanish to me. “Moringa! You still have some more?” He asked. “No ooh!” “As if my mama na dealer of moringa” I said to myself. “Are you ready for the kiss of life?” Officer Tunde listened to Brother Wale’s breath. “Sir his mouth don spoil, let me kiss the kiss of life!” Yemi volunteered. "no wonder! you resemble g'ay sef!" I almost said. “Don’t worry I will kiss the kiss” Officer Tunde said. “Okay sir, God will bless your mouth as you kiss” I almost said. The sight of a man kissing a man really disgusted; I felt like throwing up. “Sir no swallow him spit oh” Sergeant Headward said. “cohoooo cohooo!” I heard someone coughed. “Oooh! Brother Wale is alive!” I saw him moved. “Brother Wale is alive!” Yemi hugged me. “guy which kind hug be this, shey I be woman? Abeg leave me jor!” I pushed him off, seeing moments later that the warmness the hug offered had stood my d’ick. Don’t blame me, The last time a male not to talk of female hugged me was in 1759BC. The only one I needed to hug at that point was Brother Wale. “Brother Wale you are alive!” I hugged him. “Thank God am alive! What is chuking me in my leg?” He asked. “I think It's my p’rick” I almost said.

Kikiki...Your Pr-ick.

Lolz

Dis sb nd his brother will kill someone with laughter

Lafssd

SB...

U r still talking wt half lip

nxt

Hahahahahahaha, SB the great

u no go kill person with laughter

Lolz sb

Laugh wan kill me

so funny

lol, abeg next oooo

Next pls!

Hahahahahahaha, this SB is really something else

Lols

thanks for the beep @froshberry-2

Episode 20 “Guy you don go check your result?” Yemi asked me on the night I had running stomach. “I never check oh!” I said, “you don check?” “No oh I never check, make we go check am tomorrow na!” “Guy I dey fear ooh” “You dey fear wetin?” I was unaware Brother Wale was listening. “I dey mad? Why I go fear? I no dey fear ohh!” “Okay since you are not scared, I will give you money to buy the scratch card, and I want you to check it tomorrow” The Commander had spoken. “Guy I dey fear oh! I fit fail maths oh!” I whispered to Yemi. “hahahahahaha! Shebi that day wey we dey write maths you go dey sleep!” “Guy shebi I tell you say make we no come this cyber café? You too s’tubborn” “Why you no want make we check our result here? Shey na because Tolani my sister dey work here?” We stood at the front of the cyber café. “No! no be because of that, I no like this cyber café, people go see the result com dey laugh person” “E no mean na! We go pass na! And if we pass and our result make sense people go tell us congratulation” Yemi said, “Them fit even dash us money sef” “them go dash us money say wetin happen? Na them be our papa?” “Make we enter na?” “Guy you enter first!” I adjusted my curtain-material shirt and washed my lips with my tongue so my crush would be attracted to my “red lip”, Cliff lip I mean to say. “SB, What happened to your lip?” Tolani was just seeing it for the first time. “Ok Dog! Dog bite me” The scar from Brother Wale’s death and resurrection still remained. “Hahahahahahahaha! Dog! You and Dog sef?” She laughed remembering the other day. “Tolani we are here to check our result” Yemi said. “Ooooh! Finally you want to check your result now” I never knew Yemi was also scared of failure. The internet connection was so fast but my heart beat was faster. “Thou art worthy O Lord, Worthy O Lord……………………… To receive Glory honour and power………………………………… For Thou art created all things are for thy plessure…………………… They are and were created……………………… Thou art worthy Lord…………………” “SB this one wey you dey sing so, are we safe?” Yemi the wide mouth. “Make I no sing again? Make I no praise God?” “hahahahahahaha! SB don’t mind him jor, praise God” In my heart of heart I had concluded that should Yemi score a C in mathematics, I had failed the subject, but should he score a B or an A in the subject, then I was safe. “Yemi you try oh!” His result was out. “Really? What did he score in Mathematics?” I couldn't see the computer screen from where i sat. “Come see am na!” Yemi was all smiles. “You no fit tell me! Abi you wound for mouth?” My blood pressure escalated. “I get C5 for maths ooh!” He said. “Really! Make I see am!” I stood up from where I sat. What I saw was “Chicken Boy Chicken Boy Chicken Boy”. Chicken Boy was a slang said to refer to a result full of C’s and B’s. Earlier Tolani had shown I and Yemi her result which was “Aba Aba Aba Aba Aba”. Aba was another slang said to refer to a result full of A’s and B’s. I remember when I brought home a “Father Francis Fried Five Fresh Fishes for Five Friends Form France” result home. I was in SS2 then, it was first term. Maami died a month to our exam, and the trauma of losing a loving mother made me detested my books. I slept in all the exam papers especially in mathematics. When we were given our result I was smiling not expecting what I saw; I mean I knew I would fail but not that kind of failure. “SB make we see your result na” Kpobo said. “Why you wan see my result? Make I see your own first” “See my own na!” He showed me. “Oboy your result na Deede Deede Deede” I said. Deede was yet another slang said to refer to a result full of D’s and E’s; the "Sir" kind of result - and of course you and I know Deede is Igbo language means “Sir”. Deede result wasn’t far in hierarchy when compared to Father Francis result, or so I thought, so I showed Kpobo my result. “Guy this your result na Father Francis Fried Five Fresh Fishes for Five Friends From France”

“Guy this your result na Father Francis Fried Five Fresh Fishes for Five Friends From France” Kpobo tongue twisted. “You mean am!” Kolawole Joined. “You, e concern you? Make we see your own?” “See my own na!” Kolawole showed us his result. “Efcc Efcc Efcc Efcc” was it. There was no way I would had shown Brother Wale the Father Francis result when i got home, no way! When I got home…………… “I heard you collected your result today, Can I see it” Brother Wale asked. “Result! They did not give me result oh!” “Why?” He stared right at my eyes. “Why?” “No Zee! Why didn’t they give you result?” He yelled. “Because………………… Because………………… Because……………………” Liars cross. “Because what?” He raised his voice. “Because I owe toilet money” Lie established. “And how much is this toilet money?” He asked. “One thousand naira” I answered. “One thousand naira is too much for toilet money na!” “Brother they said I s’hit too much in the boys toilet, that is why” If Yemi could score C5 in mathematics, then I lost hope. “SB bring your own scratch card let us check your result!” Tolani said. “Me?” “Yes you na!” “Me? I did not come here to check any result oh, I just escorted Yemi here” “Don’t mind him oh, we came together to check our results, in fact his scratch card is with me!” Over-joyous Yemi offered his sister my scratch card. “SB come and see your result!” Tolani announced. “My result? I don’t want it, take it I dash you!” And everyone in the café laughed. “Come I see it na!” And I was walking out of the café. “SB where you dey go?” Yemi asked. “Make person no piss again? I wan go piss!” “Don’t worry I will help him print it!” I heard Tolani said as I walked out. “Print am for yourself! Or use the paper go buy suya!” I whispered. “God I know say I be sinner, I know say I be expert for lie, I know say I no dey read my book, Baba abeg I no wan fail…………………… If I pass this WAEC with Six credit I promise you say I go dey go church everyday” I said a short prayer. “If I piss this piss finish I go go up go collect my result, anyhow wey dey result be I go take am like that” I pledged. “eeeh! I never even zip down oh” I had peed on my trouser; about one litre of pee. My trouser seemed like it was designed by a clothing company called “Wet Soul” as it was wet all through the upper half. “Guy wetin wet your trouser na? You piss for body?” I met Yellow on my way upstairs. “Which kin talk be that one? How I go piss for body, I be small pikin? Na one woman pour me pure water by mistake oh” “You sure?” “I sure na? Why I go dey lie for you! Make I carry you go see the woman?” “No, forget that one abeg! You don check your result?” “Yes oh! My result dey up dey wait me” “You pass?” “I never see the result oh, But I know say I go pass” “SB see your result!” Yemi handed over a paper to me. English C4, Biology C5, French E8, Economics C6, Chemistry C4, Physics C5, Igbo Language E8, Geography C6,………………………………… “Where maths na?” I asked myself. Mathematics C6…………………………… “Ope ooooh!” I yelled. My I had invented another slang to describe exam result; "Cece Winas" “Ope ooooh! I pass maths oh!” I jumped. “SB!” Tolani called; I thought she wanted to congratulate me for my success. “ehnnnnnn Tolani love!” “Why is your trouser wet?” She asked. “Okay, it rained outside”

God save u

Dis tori na die

Laughing tins

Lmao

Thank God for you oooooh... Wale for fry you join akara

rain indeed

abeg who own this story???? i no wan die laughing ooo

Lol

U get luck wale 4 fry u join akara

Rain for where

So hillarious... SB no go kill me o

u dey wet trousers

Hehehe...no b small rain oo

Lolzz...God save ur ass

With ur mumu sef, u get good result like dis!

So funny.

U get luk

lol

Congrats ehn...God saved you no be small.. Better go church as u promise God!.

(FINAL)Episode 21 “guy which course them give you” I asked Debo as we rested waiting for our turn while we played football early December - the best period to play football in the tarred road. “Na further maths oh!” He answered. “you say wetin?” I heard him in the first place. "I say further maths" “Hahahahahaha! How them go give you further maths make you study?” “why you dey laugh?” Debo wasn’t happy at all. “You which course them give you?” he asked me. “mehn me na Biochemistry oh!” I answered. “aaah! That na correct course na!” He said, ”which school be that?” “Omoh na OAU oh!” “That na correct school na!” “Brother how e go be na?” I asked brother Wale that evening, “how will we do it na? I need to start my registration oh” “see omo ile iwe, the money for your registration and school fees is not available yet” “I no dey for that one oh, me I wan go school oh! Shebi you don go school graduate, you no want make I go school” I complained. “Don’t worry you must go that school! Don’t worry you here? I assure you! even if it will cost me my blood” “Brother registration has already started oh!” “when did registration start?” He asked. “It started two months ago oh! And they have already started lectures” “Don’t worry, you will start your own registration next week Monday” He assured. “See your mouth like next week Monday, when today na Friday! How e wan take happen?” All things are possible to those that believe, they say, I couldn’t even imagine it, not to talk of believing it. “where did Brother Wale go to this night? Me I can not sleep in this house alone oooh!” I sat outside with mosquitoes as my company. I thought I heard someone entered the house late at night, or was I dreaming? “shift for me let me sleep!” The person was brother Wale. Where on earth was he coming from at such dead hours of the night? I asked myself. His recent friendship with Brother Luku and Brother Red loaf saw him coming home late every night. What was the three of them up to? What? I promised myself I would find out. “Wake up lazy boy!” Brother Wale woke me up early the following morning with a loud slap. “Brother I have finished secondary school na” Incase he needed me said more. “I want us to talk!” He said. Since the death of Baami and Maami, Brother Wale and I haven’t had a tete a tete and talked like the real men we were. I had wanted to talk with him all the time but he would prefer his knuckles talked with my head as to a knock. “Now listen to me attentively, listen very well” He noted. “Ok Brother! I hope there is no problem?” I sat on the bed by his side. “there is no problem, in fact there is good news!” “Eheeen! Will I be resuming on Monday as you promised?” I couldn’t wait to hear the good news. “Yes you will not only be resuming on Monday, you will not be poor again!” He announced. “Really! How?” “Now listen, Luku is dead! I killed him!” “Wooooo! What!” I jumped up. “Will you sit down? Sit down?” He yelled at me. “Brother why na! Why did you kill him?” He brought out a suitcase from underneath the bed and said; “I killed him because I want to have this money alone, i did it for you” For the past few weeks I came to realize Brother Wale was real good friends with Red loaf and Luku; I mean very very good friends. I also realized there was one part of the house Brother Wale refused me sweeping every morning; under the bed. “Come and see money!” He beckoned. “wwoooooooa! Owo oooooooh!” My both hands was at the back of my head fidgeting. “Ssshhhhhhh!” “This is three million naira, take it! It’s yours” He offered. “How brother?” I moved back. “Will you take it!!” He yelled. “But its not my money na!” “take it! Its yours now! You will be using it for your school” “Brother!” “Seyi take this money, pack your bags, leave this house, go to a far place maybe Osun state where your school is, start life afresh” He handed the suit case to me. “But brother why? Why did you join Luku and Red loaf to rob?” “Forget about that one now and do I as I say” “But if I leave what about you? Where will you go to?" “Don’t worry about me! there comes a time in a man's life when he has to carry his cross alone, if anybody asks you about me give them this! Tell them I was a soldier that died in an already won battle” He handed over a sheet of paper to me. I opened the sheet of paper, and it read: IN THE EVENT OF MY DEMISE In the event of my demise, in case I don’t see tomorrow In case I go to see the creator In case I die Tell the world I won so many wars, Tell them I was a drum major for justice, I am legend. In the event of my demise, Tell the world I fell in love with death, Tell them I lived my life to the fullest, Tell them I couldn’t see tomorrow, I am legend and I will always be. And to my love ones alive; two of you, You are the best I love you like I love myself, If somebody ask you both who I was, say that I was a trailblazer Don’t you tell them I had a degree in English language, that’s not important, Don’t you tell them I was a poor boy living in leaking house with my younger brother, that’s not important. Don’t tell them I did so many bad things, that’s not important. I want you tell them that I lived a committed life for others. In the event of my demise. “Oooh Brother Wale!” I soaked the paper with my tears. “In fact I don’t want you to go with any luggage so no one will suspect, i have put the money in this Ghana must go bag, Go! Go! Go!”

CONCLUSION Wale Ajibade died 11th December 2000 (SB's birthday), killed by gang member Red loaf. Seyi Ajibade a first class graduate of OAU is now serving here in Port Harcourt. He owns a conglomerate of business here in Port Harcourt and in Osun State. Christiana married an Igbo trader from Onitsha. The activities in this story unfolded between 12th November 1996 and 11th December 2000. And the story is true life. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- posted as written written by flow 1759 . THANKS FOR FOLLOWING. EXPECT ANOTHER RIB CRACKING STORY SOON

eayah what a sad ending ..... y will wale die so cruel rip bro wale ...... nice story I really enjoyed this

Brother Wale is actually a good brother

Nice st0ry.. Br0ther Wale was truly a trailblazer.. R.I.P

Wow! What a funny story, i wish it didn't end there. A nice and befitting end was given to it. Thumbs up to Flow1759 that guy in Naira Land for writing an awesome story. And thumbs up to you too Skookum for posting it here.

sad ending nice story

Touching

Oh y did brother wale have to so sad, rip bro wale, hmm thank God for sb life o, NICE ENDING

Ouch, Sobing Mood

Rip brother wale

Hnnn... A TRUE LEGEND.. BRO. WALE AJIBADE... R.I.P.P. All da best Seyi..

Ehyaah....Sad Endinq

RIP 2 u bro wale

so rain fall for only your trouser eh

I know from the beginning this maybe real life story but doubting then.nice one add me up pls am here

Cant believe brother wale have to die.....nice story though....more inspiration

RIP. Brother Wale

so sad R.I.p bro wale

U try!

so sad, i was expecting a happy ending, but nice story

Wow,oh Bro Wale,nice Stowi Bro

RIP bro wale

Hmmm...wt a nice story...4 story like dis, click http://Fans2Earn.com/?ref=337119

Hmm nyc

A very funny story but very sad

Nice story

Oh brother Wale!!! I've been laughing since the beginning of this story but now i'm shedding tears becos of the way it ends. What a tragedy!

wow Laughing at d begining bt very heartful nd d end

so funny

Nice One....So Hilarious

Lolx

???

??...lwkm ooo

Brother wale is a hero

Nice

Oh brother wale! Let go now

First class Firt

You don chop cockroach be that

Food don go