***********episode 8*********
Hardin's side of the story.
He was misguided, moving through life with
minimum expectations of himself. He was getting
too used to life in that foreign place—even believing
that his accent was slightly washing away with each
night he spent away from home. He nailed his life
down into a robotic loop of the same actions, same
reactions, same consequences. The women were
blending together, their names becoming an
endless loop of Sarahs and Lauras and Jane Does.
He wasn’t sure how his life could continue this
way, day in and day out.
And then the first week of the next year, he
met her. She was strategically placed at
Washington Central by someone or something more
powerful than him—to taunt him. He—or it—knew
who he was, the kind of person he was known for
being, and he had an agenda. He was set to steal
another innocence, to ruin another girl’s life. It won’t
be so bad this time, he figured. He wouldn’t go to
the same extremes as before. This was different,
more juvenile. This was all just in fun.
And it was, until the wind caught her hair and
it whipped around her face. Until the gray of her
eyes haunted his sleep and the pink of her lips
drove him mad. He was falling hard for her—at first
it was so fast that he wasn’t sure if he was actually
feeling it or imagining it. But he felt it . . . he felt it
rip through him like the roar of a lion. He began to
rely on her for his every breath? every thought.
? ? ?
One night in the middle of it all, the snow
falling, blanketing the concrete, he sat alone in the
parking lot. His hands were gripping the steering
wheel of his old Ford Capri, and he could barely see
straight, let alone think straight.
How could he have done this? How did it go
so far so fast? He wasn’t sure, but he knew, he felt
it deep down inside of himself, that he shouldn’t
have done it, and he knew that he would regret it.
He was regretting it already.
She was supposed to be an easy target. A
beautiful girl with an innocent smile and odd-
colored eyes that weren’t supposed to hold depth or
meaning behind them. He wasn’t supposed to fall
in love with her, and she wasn’t supposed to make
him want to be a better person.
He thought that he was fine before.
He was getting by just fine before—before he
made the beautiful mistake of allowing her to
become his entire world. He loved her, though, he
loved her so much that he was terrified of losing
her—for losing her meant losing himself, and he
knew he wouldn’t be able to bear such a loss after
going his entire life without something to lose.
As his fingers gripped harder and his knuckles
turned white against the black steering wheel, his
thoughts became more jumbled. He became more
irrational and desperate, and he realized in that
moment, with the silence of the empty lot drowning
his fears, that he would do anything—absolutely
anything—to keep her forever.
He had her, lost her, and had her again over
the months that followed. He just couldn’t quite get
it. He loved her. His love for her burned brighter
than any star, and he would highlight passages from
ten thousand of her favorite novels to show her
that. She gave him everything, and he watched her
fall in love with him, hoping he would stop letting
her down. Her faith in him made him want to be
good for her. He wanted to prove her right and
everyone else wrong. She made him feel a type of
hope that he had never felt before. He didn’t even
know it existed.
Her presence made him feel at ease; the fire in
his heart was cooled and he was becoming
addicted to her. He craved her until he had her, and
once he took her, neither of them could stop. Her
body became his safety, her mind his home. The
more he loved her, the more he was hurting her. He
couldn’t stay away, and through their struggles and
growth, she became the normalcy he’d craved his
entire life.
His relationship with his dad continued to grow
slowly into something close to familiar. A few
family dinners, and he had begun to chip away at
the hatred he felt toward the man. He was seeing
himself differently, and that helped him see the
wrongs of his father in a different light. And that’s
when he needed her to anchor him, as his life
changed again and his family shifted. He was
growing to care for a houseful of strangers in a way
that he swore he never would.
It wasn’t easy for him to fight against twenty
years of destructive patterns and base animal
reactions.
He had to fight each day against the liquor
calling to his blood, against the anger he was trying
to let go of . . . but didn’t know how to. He vowed
that he would fight for her—and he did. He lost a
few battles, but never lost sight of winning the war.
She taught him laughter and taught him love—and
he has expressed this time after time to her, but he
will never stop.
one
The last few days of summer break are always
the best. Everyone is fucking frantic, living out their
last-minute summer plans and wishes. The parties
get more crowded, the girls get more wild . . . but
even so, I can’t fucking wait for the semester to
start. Not because I’m some idiotic freshman,
excited for the wondrous world of university. No,
I’m anxious because if I play my cards right, I’ll be
graduating in the spring, a full year ahead of time.
Not bad for a delinquent no one assumed
would even attend university, much less graduate
early.
My mum was so terrified for my future that
she sent me halfway across the damn world to the
grand state of Washington to live near my father.
She used the bullshit excuse that she wanted me to
“reconnect” with him, but I wasn’t fooled. I knew
she simply couldn’t and didn’t want to put up with
my shit anymore, so off to America, like some
colonial Puritan of old.
“Are you almost done?” Pink hair and swollen
lips look up at me from between my legs. I had
nearly forgotten she was here.
“Yeah.” I wrap my hands around her shoulders
and close my eyes, letting the physical pleasure
she’s giving me take over. A distraction, that’s what
she is. They all are.
The pressure in my spine builds, and I don’t
bother to pretend that I enjoy her company for more
than sexual pleasure as I release into her warm
mouth.
Seconds later, she’s wiping at her lips with the
back of her hand and getting to her feet.
“You know . . .” Molly reaches for her purse
and pulls out a tube of dark lipstick. “You could at
least pretend to be interested, asshole.” Her lips
pucker, and she wipes a finger across the excess
crayon painted onto her mouth.
“I am.” I clear my throat. “Pretending, that is.”
She rolls her eyes and raises her middle finger
to me. I’m interested—sexually, at least. She’s a
good enough fuck, and she’s okay company
sometimes. We are a lot alike, her and I. Both
rejects of our families. I don’t know too much about
her past, but I know enough to know that some bad
shit has happened to her to make her run all the
way to Washington from some rich-bitch town in
Pennsylvania.
“Dick,” she mutters, pushing the cap back on
her makeup. She looks better with naturally pink
lips, lips that are swollen from having my cock in
her mouth.
Molly is an acquaintance of mine. Well, a
friend with benefits, I would say. Our “friendship”
isn’t exclusive, not in the least, and we both have
full freedom to do whatever, or whoever, the fuck
we want. She hates me half the time, but I’m okay
with that. It’s mutual.
The rest of our friends give us shit about it, but
it works. I’m bored and she’s here. She gives good
head and she doesn’t stay around long after.
Perfect situation for me. Her, too, it seems.
“You’ll be here tonight, for the party?” she
asks.
I stand, too, pulling my boxers and jeans up
my legs. “I live here, don’t I?” I raise a brow at her.
I hate it here, and daily I find myself wondering
just how the fuck I ended up in a fraternity in the
first place.
My shitbag sperm donor. That’s how. Ken
Scott is a grade-A fuckup, the worst type. Alcoholic
fuckhead who destroyed my entire childhood, only
to magically turn his life around and move in with
some lady and her son, a loser only two years
younger than me.
His do-over, I suppose. Ken Scott gets a
fucking do-over, and I get to be in a stupid-ass
fraternity at the college he’s basically in charge of.
On top of this, he practically begged me to move in
with him, as if he thought I would actually live under
his roof, under his control. When I refused, I had
assumed he would get me an apartment, but of
course he didn’t. So here I am, in this stupid house
instead. It really pissed him off that I chose this
shithole rather than his clean, pristine palace.
The stupid-ass fraternity does have its perks, I
guess. A massive house with parties almost every
night, a constant stream of endless pussy. And the
best part of all: no one fucks with me.
None of the pissant frat boys seem to mind
the fact that I don’t do shit to actually represent the
house. I don’t wear their stupid sweatshirts or
plaster their stupid bumper stickers on my car. I
don’t participate in any of the volunteer shit, and I
sure as hell don’t go around yelling the name of the
shit. They do some okay shit for the community,
but they don’t actually give a fuck about the
community, and none of that matters.
When I glance around the room, I realize I’m
alone. Molly must have left without me even
noticing.
I get up and open the window to air the place
out before it gets used again tonight. All of these
empty rooms in the house work in my favor since I
can’t stand to have people in my own. It’s too
personal or something, I don’t know, but I don’t like
it, and everyone has learned one way or another not
to come in here. Molly and whichever other girls
come around know we’re bound for these empty
rooms and not mine.
As I approach my door, I see Logan stumbling
down the hall, a short, curly-haired girl under his
arm. She isn’t quiet about what she wants to do to
him, and I’m not quiet about my disgust.
“Get a damn room!” I shout to them.
She giggles and he flips me off and I close
and dead-bolt the door. That’s the pattern around
here. Everyone sort of ignores me or simply tells
me in one way or another to fuck off. I’m okay with
that. I’d much rather sit here, in my room, alone,
waiting for the next artificial high.
My fingers trace over the dusty shelves of my
bookcase. I can’t decide which novel I feel like
living right now . . . Hemingway, maybe? He can
give me a good dose of cynical. The middle Bront?
sister? I could use a dysfunctional bullshit love
story right now. I grab Wuthering Heights and kick
my boots off before lying down in my bed.
I don’t know what it is about this novel that
brings me to read and reread it so many damn
times, but I always find myself skimming the pages
of the dark tale. It’s fucked up, really—two people
coming together, then falling part. Destroying
themselves and everyone around them because they
were too selfish and stubborn to get their shit
together.
But to me that’s the best type of fucking story.
I want to feel something while I’m reading, and
sappy, roses-and-sunshine novels make me want to
vomit on their pages and burn away the evidence
afterward.
“Fuck, yes!” I hear a female voice screech
through the paper-thin walls.
“Shut the fuck up!” I pound my fist against the
old wood, grabbing my pillow and pushing it
against my ears.
One more fucking year. One more year of
bullshit courses and easy exams. One more year of
boring parties full of people who care way too
much what everyone thinks about them. One more
goddamn year of keeping to myself and I can get
my ass back to London, where I belong.
two
To this day, he can still remember the way
vanilla filled the small dorm room the first time he
was alone with her. Her hair was soaked, she had a
towel wrapped around her curvy body, and it was
the first time he paid attention to the way her chest
flushed when she was mad. He would see her mad
again, so damn mad, more times than he could
count, but he would never, ever, forget the way she
tried to be polite to him at first. He took her
politeness as pride. Another stubborn girl who
pretends to be a woman, he thought. The strange
girl kept on being as patient as she could. For no
reason at all. She didn’t owe him anything, she still
doesn’t, and he can only hope to see her mad at
him again and again, for the rest of his life.
He grasps for the memories of those days
now, as he sits alone, trapped by his own mistakes.
These memories of his anger, of her anger, are a
few of the only things that kept him afloat after she
left him.
The first day of the fall semester is always the
absolute best for people-watching. So many fucking
idiots running around like chickens with their heads
cut off, so many girls dressed in their favorite
outfits in a desperate attempt to gain attention from
men..
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To be continued.